[00:00:00] Speaker A: 2025 people. Why is there still a stigma about buying a sex toy, especially for moms?
[00:00:08] Speaker B: We have so many questions that we need to answer during this podcast. First of all, what do you look for?
[00:00:17] Speaker A: How do you get started with a new toy? How do you shop discreetly? Where do you hide your sex toys? How do you shop for them?
[00:00:25] Speaker B: Then at the end of the podcast, you're going to find out how to care and store your vibes, how to use them discreetly, and what you can do if your kids find your vibe.
Welcome to the Sensational Sex Podcast, where we help women in long term relationships thrive after the honeymoon stage is over. Are you a woman who wants a deep, intimate and satisfying connection with her partner? Of course you do. Amy Rowan and Dr. Trina Reed have the answers and all you have to do is join us each week and take a small step. Soon enough, you'll be that woman who effortlessly has a satisfying sex life. Follow us on social Media Sensational Sex Podcast Share this episode, Return next week, leave a review and thank you so much for subscribing. Now let's start the show.
[00:01:22] Speaker A: Hello beautiful people. Thank you for listening to the Sensational Sex Podcast. We're so happy you're joining us.
[00:01:30] Speaker B: And even though your sex life will never be perfect, you can create a sex life that is perfect for you and we're here to help you with that.
[00:01:38] Speaker A: It's 2025 people. Why is there still a stigma about buying a sex toy, especially for moms?
[00:01:47] Speaker B: We have so many questions that we need to answer during this podcast. First of all, what do you look for?
[00:01:56] Speaker A: How do you get started with a new toy? How do you shop discreetly? Where do you hide your sex toys? How do you shop for them?
[00:02:04] Speaker B: Then at the end of the podcast, you're going to find out how to care and store your vibes, how to use them discreetly, and what you can do if your kids find find your vibe.
[00:02:15] Speaker A: I think that is every parent's worst nightmare. Having kids get a glimpse into their sex lives.
[00:02:22] Speaker B: Yeah, and people get really weird about parents and sex toys. And I think it's a big reason why couples with kids don't bring new ideas or toys into their sex.
[00:02:33] Speaker A: Sex toys shouldn't make you feel guilty, they should sexually empower you.
[00:02:39] Speaker B: And yet, if someone finds a sex toy in your bedside table, you wish the ground would swallow you up.
[00:02:49] Speaker A: I was an intimacy toy consultant for 14 years and when it comes to sex toys, I've heard it all. People would ask me, what if my kid finds my Toys. How do I get my husband or my boyfriend to be open to trying some toys? There are so many different types with one is best for me, or another one is, can I get addicted to my toy?
[00:03:11] Speaker B: Or people will say, I know moms aren't supposed to do this. What? Like I don't understand that, you know, our moms Anyways. And then there's my least favorite, which is, I feel so guilty.
[00:03:24] Speaker A: But society sets mothers up to be these asexual saints. And all of the unreasonable expectations that society puts on moms, the sexual sex one for me is the most annoying.
[00:03:40] Speaker B: Yeah, there's definitely a big disconnect that does not get discussed, that women are expected to bounce back and have sex six weeks post birth. Yet millions of women, after she's had a baby, loses a sense of herself. And to get back into her body's desire and arousal, she needs to reconnect.
[00:04:01] Speaker A: With her body, but she isn't allowed to the stigma, it hangs over her head and she's now asexual. And so she feels shame and she feels guilt to put her pleasure first.
[00:04:16] Speaker B: And she is certainly not allowed to think about herself, about what she wants. And she's definitely not supposed to think.
[00:04:23] Speaker A: About her pleasure, even though if she doesn't have sex with her partner, she is made to feel like she's gonna lose that connection.
[00:04:31] Speaker B: So when I had my second child, I decided to do a six month sex challenge, which was I was going to have sex at least once a week with my husband and then I would blog about it. And when my son was just teeny tiny, I remember having the struggle of showering and I blogged about not being able to shower. And the comments from men were, well, you know, you need to prioritize sex over your shower. Because I said, you know, I can either have sex or I can have a shower. And I'm choosing the shower. And men said I needed to prioritize the sex over the shower. That's the honest to God truth.
[00:05:09] Speaker A: It feels so hard reconciling stepping into this role as mom. So your mom all day, you know, I, I stayed home with my children, so I was a stay at home mom with these toddlers all day. I'm with these babies all day I'm going to the playground, I'm dealing, dealing with snacks, I'm all of this stuff, I'm breastfeeding and then, you know, at the end of the day I'm in my sweatpants, I'm covered in spit up, you know, my nipples are still leaking and God bless my husband who still thought I was sexy in that moment when I felt literally like a cow, like. And I say that because I was like leaking milk. And I think a lot of breastfeeding moms can probably relate to that statement. And so then being able to switch into this easily transition into this sexy goddess mode with your husband felt completely impossible, especially in that time. And I think that's why a lot of women feel very asexual, because they don't feel sexy, they feel gross, they've gained weight, you know, their breasts are big and heavy, you know, just all of these different changes that happen there.
[00:06:15] Speaker B: But I don't think it's just her imagination because. Because after I had my first child, I was doing a press tour for my best selling book, Til Sex Do Us Part, and I was dressed to do a television interview and I was pretty snatch back after my first son was born. And I just remember the reaction I got from men as I walked into the TV station pushing a baby stroller. It was like I didn't exist. But when I got inside the station and somebody in the green room was watching my child and I was without my child, that reaction was completely different. So. And it was the first time I had ever experienced this idea of I'm asexual when I'm with my children and when I'm not with my children, I am again seen as a sexy person. Does that make sense to you?
[00:07:11] Speaker A: It does. And I think it's.
The perception is so interesting. And then from this you're speaking of the perception of outside men. Right. So, you know, and a lot of times we gain some of our self confidence by how we're perceived in the outside world. Whereas I'm sure in that moment your husband, just like mine when I was leaking milk and all that stuff, still thought you were incredibly sexy. But you're a lot of your perspective, perception and self confidence was coming by how you were being perceived by men outside. And I think that that's a very common experience.
[00:07:46] Speaker B: Well, I know when I had my second child I didn't bounce back as quick and you know, it took a lot longer to get my self confidence back. And as you say, my husband, he loved, he thought I was great the entire time and it was hard for me to see that in his eyes. I do remember having that experience of like, look at me, my body's different, I'm different now. And he's like, you're.
I wish I could feel that way. Well, Amy, I suppose it's the reason that you and I have a job.
[00:08:17] Speaker A: Yep, absolutely. So if you are a parent who wants or needs to bring a little extra into your bedroom to mix things up, we are here to support you and say that bringing sex toys into your bedroom is one of the smartest and most pleasurable things that you can do.
[00:08:36] Speaker B: And maybe you're someone who used to have a treasure chest of sex toys but then got rid of it in case your kids stumbled across your stash. And Amy and I want you to know there is nothing odd or wrong or unusual about being a sexual person who just happens to have kids.
[00:08:58] Speaker A: So let's stop, let's take a breath, and as I love to do, let's reframe how we look at sex toys. Because this is one of my favorite topics and they are simply a tool in your sex toolbox that you can pull out and use as needed. And you know, and I'm going to challenge you, and this may be difficult because I used to be very careful about hiding my sex toys so my children wouldn't find them. And one day I was like, I'm just gonna leave them in my bedside table. And if my kids find them, they find them. So what then they know that mom and dad use sex toys and.
Which may feel like a big jump for a lot of people, but really, ultimately, what I hope my kids, who I'm sure have gone through my drawers at times, have gotten from finding that, is that using sex toys is a natural, normal part of a healthy, happy marriage. And that is a message I want my children to hear.
[00:10:01] Speaker B: So just like you can't build a house without appropriate tools, you cannot fully realize and appreciate your sexual pleasure unless you have the correct tools.
[00:10:12] Speaker A: There are two things that every sexpert says to have good sex in a long term relationship. Do you know what they are? Can you guess?
[00:10:21] Speaker B: Well, number one is good communication.
[00:10:24] Speaker A: Yep. And number two is know what your body likes. And that can only happen with self exploration.
[00:10:32] Speaker B: So you do not need a sex toy for sex exploration, but it sure helps.
[00:10:39] Speaker A: And as a sex coach, I have found that couples who are open about their sex toys have better sex lives. If you're just starting your sex toy journey, you should involve your partner as much much as possible.
[00:10:52] Speaker B: So now that we have hopefully lessened the stigma, are you curious about sex toys?
[00:11:00] Speaker A: And if yes, it's okay if you don't know where to find sex toys or how to use them. We're going to walk you through how to shop and what to look for.
[00:11:09] Speaker B: So let's discuss how to shop. So if you've got kids who use your computer or phone, shop in your browser's incognito mode. That way your kids won't stumble on your sex toy search history. So Amy's online Suburban Intimacy shop has a great selection of toys and other intimacy accessories that she has personally chosen with women and couples in mind. She also has an app called Suburban Intimacy Shop.
[00:11:41] Speaker A: Another thing that stops SOPs parents is they're scared that their sex toy will be delivered in a dick shaped box for all of your neighbors and porch pirates to see. I don't know if you saw there was a video that went around and it was a gigantic missile that was on the back of a semi truck going through the neighborhood and there was a woman looking out the window thinking, I thought they said it was going to be shipped discreetly. I thought that was very funny.
[00:12:08] Speaker B: We should find that footage. We should find it and post it.
[00:12:11] Speaker A: Yeah, well, if I can find the clip, we'll put it into the show notes. It's a very funny little clip. I think another fear that people have is that there's going to be a 50 charge that says XXX Vibrator Ecstasy Incorporated on their monthly statement. And what I can say is I know that I and all retailers are very discreet with our shipping and charges. I know when you shop with me it just says Amy Rowan.
[00:12:33] Speaker B: So yes, sex toy companies are all about discrimination, discretion. And most companies will tell you what kind of packaging your toy will come in and what the transaction on your bank statement will say.
[00:12:46] Speaker A: It's also very important to be selective where you purchase your items from. Amazon is a wild west. And while prime shipping can be attractive, often you don't know where your toys are coming from or the quality. There are a lot of of subpar toys out there. And so when you can shop with a knowledgeable small business owned by a professional sexologist or a sex educator, you can be more comfortable with the quality of the toys that you're purchasing.
[00:13:16] Speaker B: And it's also a very good idea to read the comments and reviews before you make a purchase because it's super disappointing to get a sex toy only to discover that it's not as advertised.
Been there, done that, yeah, 100%.
[00:13:34] Speaker A: And if something is wrong with the product, the delivery, or even the customer service, those reviews will tell you. Look for toys with warranties. These days a pretty standard warranty is a year. But there are some brands that have up to a 10 year warranty.
[00:13:49] Speaker B: And as with most things, you get what you pay for. So you might be able to find a toy for $25, but it's most likely that it's not going to work for very long, leading you to replace it and end up spending more than if you had invested a little bit more on a high quality toy in the first place.
[00:14:11] Speaker A: Look for toys made of medical or food grade silicone. These are easiest to clean and these are the highest quality materials. And rechargeable toys will also last longer and be much quicker quieter than battery operated ones.
[00:14:27] Speaker B: Next we're going to talk about what should you look for. So I recommend to start simple. So too many women want to buy way too much of a vibrator.
[00:14:38] Speaker A: In all of my years selling toys, it always amazed me that the woman on a tight budget would purchase something for her husband instead of herself. So if you are just starting out, buy something that looks appealing and interesting to you. And I usually recommend a bullet style toy as a starter toy.
[00:14:58] Speaker B: So you really need to think about what you like and prefer. So is that an external or clitoral stimulation or internal stimulation or do you like both? So do you like G spot stimulation? What about anal stimulation? So knowing what you like is going to help you decide where to start with your vibrator.
[00:15:19] Speaker A: A simple vibrator, like a bullet, is a great place to start. You really don't need to overthink this and you don't need to buy something with a bunch of bells and whistles. A bullet is usually the size of your hand or smaller, and this is excellent because it's not going to be intimidating to bring into the bedroom, especially if you're doing this with your partner. And most bullets can be used both internally and externally. Externally.
[00:15:45] Speaker B: If you're looking for a place to start without breaking the bank, the Prism vibrator, as Amy's showing you in Amy's Suburban Intimacy Shop, will give you the most bang for your buck. It gives wonderful clitoral stimulation. It's easy to hold on to even when it gets slippery, and it can be inserted internally for some amazing G spot exploration.
[00:16:08] Speaker A: If you're looking for a great couples vibe, the French Kiss Me in My Suburban Intimacy Shop is a really fun option. Its ridges and soft tongue provide really amazing clitoral stimulation. But it's also designed to be worn on the penis during intercourse. And this is going to provide that highly necessary clitoral stimulation during intercourse, which is going to greatly increase your ability to orgasm during intercourse with your partner. The deeper they go, the more stimulation you will get. And this one is especially Fun with you on top.
[00:16:44] Speaker B: I think I want to try that one. That looks really good.
[00:16:47] Speaker A: Yeah, this is a fun one. This is a best seller of mine. 100%.
[00:16:51] Speaker B: I bet it is.
If you're interested in shower sex and who isn't interested in shower sex, make sure you look for toys with an IP6 water resistant or IP7 waterproof rating. You're going to need a silicone based lubricant for any sort of water play since the shower can wash away our own natural or water based lubrication. So the loving spoon for clitoral stimulation is a great option.
[00:17:24] Speaker A: Dual action toys provide penetration and clitoral stimulation at the same time or some offer dual penetration if you're interested in anal play. Many women find clitoral stimulation gets them aroused enough, but they really need penetration to get over the plateau into orgasm. I really love the Echo vibrator for this.
[00:17:47] Speaker B: Let's not forget about the men. There are many male masturbation sleeve options and you might have heard of the Fleshlight and it's made up of a soft material designed to feel like a vagina. These can warm up to match your body's temperature and there are a lot of sophisticated versions that incorporate vibrations and heat. So you can check out Jacket or Xolo Masturbator. And you have to make sure to get a creamy lubricant to go with these such as Wicked Cream Lubricant.
[00:18:24] Speaker A: If you want to get high tech or you're in a long distance relationship, there are many options that incorporate apps, intelligent modes and remote control.
My favorites include the Glowgasm, which is a remote and app controlled G Spot Vibe and this syncs to music and can be controlled from anywhere in the world. This one is pretty amazing. Another one that I love is the Aussie oscillating G Spot Vibe.
[00:18:58] Speaker B: There's so many vibes out there and I understand why some people get confused about what vibe to buy. I've been on vibe stores where it's like there's like hundreds of options and I'm like, okay, well what's the best option for me? And I think, you know, if you just go through and as Amy said, do you like external? Do you like internal? Like, are you trying to hit the G spot? Like, I think having a checklist of things that you want to have is going to help you narrow down your search for a sex toy.
[00:19:27] Speaker A: And like we said in the beginning, especially if you're new to this, start simple. Start with the most basic toys that is going to meet your best needs and give that a try, see what you like about it and then that will help guide you as you move into your next sex toy purchase.
[00:19:46] Speaker B: And this episode's sex IQ is do sex toys make people more sexually satisfied? A yes, B no or C, maybe?
[00:20:00] Speaker A: The answer, as I think you might expect here, is a yes. Using a cross country convenience sample of 11,904 44 respondents from six European countries, researchers investigated the rate and factors linked to sex toy ownership and use and their associations with sexual relationship and life satisfaction.
[00:20:25] Speaker B: More than half of respondents owned or had owned a sex toy, with the most common sex toys being dildos and vibrators, followed by handcuffs, penis rings and and anal sex toys.
[00:20:38] Speaker A: Across countries, the majority of sex toy owners, 55 to 65%, reported using these either alone or with a steady partner and a minority, 10 to 15%, reported using them with casual partners.
[00:20:53] Speaker B: Researchers found that sex toy ownership and use were significantly associated with higher sexual and life satisfaction, while higher relationship satisfaction.
[00:21:05] Speaker A: Was only significantly associated with currently owning a sex toy, but not a number of sex toys and frequency of use with a partner, but not alone.
[00:21:17] Speaker B: Yeah, this does not at all surprise me. I feel like if you are able to bring sex toys or products or new ideas into the bedroom, you have a better communication with your partner. You already discussed this and it's, you're open to the idea of bringing new ideas in. So of course they're going to be more satisfied with their life and sexuality.
[00:21:38] Speaker A: Yes, I think there's an, there's a baseline increased confidence for any person or couple who has tried and incorporated a sex toy. And I think the other thing that's important to note here because a very common thing that I have heard so many years is, you know, my boyfriend, my partner is threatened by my sex toy. He thinks he should be able to do all of it on their own.
[00:22:03] Speaker B: And that's the thing. Is that still a thing, Amy? Is it really still a thing?
[00:22:07] Speaker A: It is still a thing and I like to challenge that belief because all that this sex toy is doing is bringing in additional enhanced play pleasure and that is going to help that couple, that is going to help that woman enjoy sex more. And a woman who is enjoying sex more is going to want more sex. So we aren't competing with the toys, are not meant to compete with the husbands and boyfriends. And yes, they can do some things that husbands and boyfriends can't do, but if that husband and boyfriend is involved in giving that pleasure with the toy, enjoying watching, participating, it is making that Entire sexual experience so much more positive. And women who have good sex want more sex.
[00:22:58] Speaker B: Well, something we've talked about a lot on this podcast is falling into a sex rut. And when you bring new ideas in, it's going to snap you out of that sex rut. Sex toys are just an easy thing to, to bring in. And, you know, if we just open this idea of, you know, how do we want to have better sex, it's not necessarily just putting this vibrator on the woman's clitoris and her having an orgasm. You can use that vibrator in a lot of different ways on both your bodies. Right. You know, it's, it's about exploring your bodies sensually with these products. So I think when men think, think about a vibrator, it's like, oh, this vibrator is going to give her a bigger, better orgasm. Well, that's not the only thing that it can do. It can do a lot of different things.
[00:23:48] Speaker A: Yes. And when you're going into the entire sensual experience and again, taking it beyond just the genitals and taking it into creating an erotic plan playground and creating those full sensual experiences, that is the best that sex has to offer is when you've got a whole erotic playground, you're having a really beautiful experience and sometimes you have time for all of this and sometimes you just need to get in a little bit faster and that's okay. But opening up to the wide variety of pleasure that is available again, those are the really beautiful, connective, spiritual, enormous, relationship enhancing sexual experiences that are sustainable and not only that are really just kind of building.
[00:24:40] Speaker B: And I just want to add a quick, if you're a busy mom and you are not in the mood for sex, but you do want to have sex, but you're just not there, we, Amy and I, we are giving you permission to go into the washroom or wherever, take out your vibe and just get yourself warmed up. Just give yourself a little warm up. It's okay. And a lot of times it's necessary to get yourself moving in the right direction. And sometimes a little zap from the vibe is gonna get you on your way. And it's okay. You should not feel shame and you should not feel guilt about this.
[00:25:18] Speaker A: Now I will, I will share that. There are many times when it is later in the evening and I know that we're going to be having sex and I'm kind of feeling tired, but I do want to get myself into that state. My brain may be saying, I'm kind of feeling, ambivalent about it. But I know that with a little bit of time, my brain is going to go from that to yes. And so while my husband is taking a shower, pull out the vibe, start getting the juices flowing, start moving things along so that, that 20 to 40 minutes of arousal time that a lot of women need, you've already kind of started to speed that up a little bit and get that blood flowing, which. And so then by the time he's out of the shower, I'm already kind of warmed up and things are feeling really good. That's okay. It's okay.
[00:26:04] Speaker B: Let's compare these two things so, you know, you, you know the sex is going to happen and you have a negative mindset around it. Oh, I don't feel like sex. It's ten o'clock. I'm exhausted. I've had the kids on me all day. I don't want to do this. Or my husband's in the shower and I'm going to bring the vibe out and I'm going to get. I'm going to have a little bit of me time. And you're starting to frame the sex in a very different way. And that is what makes the difference between having sex that's just to having sex that you go, yes. I'm so glad we did that. It's amazing. And I'm so feel so close to my partner now. Okay, so this is the part of the podcast where we put on our sexologist hats and we give you concrete and practical tools to help your sexual situation.
[00:26:51] Speaker A: So you have chosen a sex toy and it has. Yay, you found the right one, you're excited, you did it, and the box arrives.
Now what?
[00:27:02] Speaker B: Okay, two things. You need to find a good hiding place, and you have to work out when you can use it.
[00:27:11] Speaker A: And this is going to depend a lot on how old your kids are. So if you have a baby, it's not really going to matter. Then again, on the flip side, finding any time to yourself can be tricky in this time.
[00:27:22] Speaker B: Yeah, for sure, if you have a toddler, hiding your sex toy can be as easy as stashing it at the top of your dresser drawer. It's not hard.
[00:27:31] Speaker A: It's important, however, to update your hiding spots. As your kids get older, you're eventually going to need a lock, even if it's just for your room. There are different toy boxes with locks that you can use. Sometimes you can store those in your closet.
[00:27:46] Speaker B: Yeah. Because we're here to tell you we are mothers of teens and teens and preteens are going to snoop through your room at least once.
[00:27:56] Speaker A: So?
[00:27:56] Speaker B: So if you don't want them to discover your toys, you need a lockbox or a really clever hiding place in your closet.
[00:28:04] Speaker A: Or if you're like me, you just say, oops, you found my toy.
Guess you won't go snooping through my drawers again.
That's what I call natural consequences.
Anyway, that said, don't let this derail you from not getting the sex toy that you want. You are not setting your kids up for years of therapy if they discover that you have a stash and your bedside table if they did. If they do discover your toys, they won't be traumatized or scarred for life. Chances are they'll just pretend like it never happens.
[00:28:35] Speaker B: Or you can be like my kids and tease me about it. And you might be saying, well, Amy and I are sexologists, so everybody's going to be copacetic with the sex toy. I know it's hard to believe, but our lived experience is if you don't make it a big deal, then, then this becomes your kids normal. And it's really not a big deal for your kids to know that you have a sex toy.
[00:28:58] Speaker A: And in fact, your kids knowing that you have a healthy sex life will also set them up to also have a happy, healthy relationship.
[00:29:08] Speaker B: It's really important. So for the majority of parents, it does eventually get out that you have sex toys, and that's totally normal. It is going to be an awkward conversation with your kids, but the healthiest way through this is to be as honest as you possibly can.
[00:29:24] Speaker A: And let's be clear, you want to try to keep your toys and sex life private. It really is none of your kids business.
[00:29:31] Speaker B: No, it's not.
[00:29:32] Speaker A: But it will not be the end of the world if your kids stumble onto your sex toy stash.
[00:29:37] Speaker B: So here's a pro tip. If you're having a hard time finding some me time, go to the shower. So, most vibrators are water resistant. They're not waterproof, so you can use your toy in the shower. And bonus marks, the running water masks the noise.
[00:29:55] Speaker A: James and I, especially when the children were younger, we would sometimes set up a floor fan in the hallway because white noise masks just about everything. Or as I've shared multiple times on this podcast, we'll turn on all of the bathroom fans in the house. We also like to play music, and it's very important to lock the door. Make sure you teach your children that a locked door means they need to knock and that parents need privacy too.
And as much as you can, wait until your kids are asleep, though I will say that is a challenge. I know my 13 year old stays up later than we do. At this point, at 11:30, we're like, go to bed.
[00:30:32] Speaker B: Yeah, I'm usually asleep before my kids and my husband knows better than to wake me up. Which is to say there's probably going to be some trial and error to figure out how to integrate your sex toys.
[00:30:44] Speaker A: But if you go into it with a positive mindset that this is a game, this is a puzzle that you want to figure out versus a chore, versus an obstacle.
[00:30:57] Speaker B: However, when you have small kids, sex isn't always possible because someone's got to watch them. So you can at this time take turns in the bedroom with your toys.
[00:31:11] Speaker A: And this helps partners feel like they're able to take care of each other sexually and it helps their self pleasure time feel more secure.
[00:31:20] Speaker B: So it's been my experience that people get weird when they know their partner is masturbating in the other room. I know people who've gotten divorces because their partner was masturbating without them. I'm not sure where that comes from. When you're a mom with young kids, it's so important that she gets back into her body. And so it may be necessary that she takes some solo time. Not feeling guilty about it, not feeling anything other than, you know, this is going to help her get back into being a couple and having couple sex. Does that make sense, Amy?
[00:31:59] Speaker A: Yes. You know, a common thing that I hear, I've actually, I've heard it recently from a couple of my clients is that and their clients that have low desire, low libido, and they say they don't masturbate because they are afraid that masturbating is going to take away some of their desire and it's going to reduce their libido even further when it's actually the opposite.
[00:32:22] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:32:23] Speaker A: So the more pleasure, the more, the more sex you have, the more sex you want. And that includes sex with yourself. And so masturbation is going to help increase those pleasurable sensations. It's going to help your brain want more sex.
And you know, I will, you know, I'll share two things here is I, I wouldn't say it's every week, but Sunday mornings I tend to sleep in. James likes to get up, he cleans the house. He does some different things. I don't know what he's doing. He may very well be masturbating in the basement. I'm not completely sure, but oftentimes I'm upstairs maybe having a little solo time of my own, because I know it is a completely private time that I have to have. And every once in a while, I might even text him and be like, hey, babe, I'm all warmed up. Come on up and help me out. And that's just kind of a fun little experience that we have. But I also used to be one of those people that got very jealous and had a lot of problems with thinking about my husband masturbating when I wasn't around. And which is interesting, because at this point, I was already selling sex toys, and I was like, why do I have this complex jealousy around masturbation? Which I know is a healthy, natural, normal part of life, and I'm even building a career around that. But I. It was primarily porn that I was struggling with versus the masturbation. But once I started masturbating more on my own and I recognized how separate it was from the experiences we were having together, that's when I was able to really let go of a lot of that jealousy.
[00:34:02] Speaker B: Yeah. And I just want to emphasize again, when you take time like Amy's carving out Sunday morning time, which is excellent. Right. That's helping her feel more connected to her partner. So we feel like she's taking time. She's not gonna have any more time left for James for the rest of the week. And it's just the opposite. She's. She's gonna be like, I want James now. So I feel like I don't know how we can overcome this masturbation stigma, but maybe if we just keep talking about it enough. And if you have any comments about this, please email us@sensationalstyle sexmail.com we'd love to hear your ideas and comments about this.
[00:34:41] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:34:42] Speaker B: So the next question we need to answer, Amy, is should you surprise your partner with a sex toy?
[00:34:49] Speaker A: So I have seen this go very well, and I have seen this go terribly. And when it goes badly, it can be extremely dejecting. And so I really think that at least laying the ground groundwork is helpful, so it's not completely out of the blue, you know, even saying something as simple as, I've been thinking about shopping for a toy. What do you think about that?
And shopping for toys together can actually be very, very fun, for sure.
[00:35:20] Speaker B: So I think it's a great idea to surprise your partner with a sensual product like Xends massage oils or arousal gels, maybe some furry handcuffs. But I do not believe couples should Surprise their partner with a sex toy. Because there's probably way too much shame and baggage attached to when you pull out this sex toy in the middle of sex, it's just gonna blow up in your face. I think we agree, Amy. That's a conversation that you have before you purchase this. And as we were saying, it's gonna. It can be fun and sexy. Sexy and help both of your sexual juices going.
[00:35:57] Speaker A: If you guys already have a lot of toys and this is already a regular part of your life, then I think surprising is probably fine. But if this is a new part of your relationship, if you've never used a toy before, no, you don't want to whip out a sex toy in the middle of sex. Let's try this. And I'm remembering a phone call I got many years ago, and it was a. She had bought a couple's ring with me. She'd bought a cock ring, and she'd surprised her husband with it. And she was really expecting him to be very excited. And she said he shut down and didn't talk to her for, like three days. He felt so offended by it. And my heart just dropped and went so deeply out to her because she'd been so excited to do this and share this with him. So if it's not something that you've done before. Communication. Communication. Talk about it. Shop together. This is why I'm interested in it. Let's try this together.
Because I think there are a lot of men that do feel threatened by this. And so just whipping it out and that goes other ways. I know that there are often men that surprise their partners with sex toys and she feels pressure. You know, I have to try this. I have to orgasm with this. I have to. And another recommendation that I have also, when trying is any new toy, arousal gel, lubricant, anything like that is try it at least three times, three to four times before you form an opinion on it. Because especially if it's something brand new, you know, you're not used to those types of vibrations. The first time you use it, it's going to feel a little unfamiliar. Might feel a little awkward. You might be in your head. You might be doing like, I don't know, do I like this? I'm not sure. Like this. I mean, it feels good, but I'm not completely sure. And so you. You can get stuck in your head kind of the first time. The second time, you're like, oh, I remember I liked the second setting. Let me try the third one. Oh, the fourth one is really feeling good and your body starts to relax into it a little bit more. And then by the third or fourth time your brain can kind of shut off and you can get deeply into your body. Or you might be like, nope, actually I really don't like that one. And everyone's body is a little bit different.
And lastly, taking good care of your toys is essential. This not only will this make your toys last a long time, but it's also very important for your vaginal health.
[00:38:21] Speaker B: Cleaning your toys is very important. So you need to grab yourself a bottle of intimate toy cleaner to make sure your toys are clean afterwards and then you need to start store them properly.
[00:38:36] Speaker A: So rinse your toys well with some warm water and then spray the cleaner and let it dry on your toy and then make sure you store it in a dust proof bag or a box. And many toys come with a nice box or even with a bag option. But you can also purchase them and a toy cleaner. It's a very small add on. It's going to save you a lot of time, money and energy in the long run. Plus you can use it to clean menstrual cups or discs, makeup brushes and more. I will say the thing that I use my toy cleaner the most for is cleaning my menstrual disc every month.
[00:39:11] Speaker B: I would never have guessed makeup brushes.
[00:39:13] Speaker A: Mm. Yep.
[00:39:14] Speaker B: Wow. It really is multi purpose.
[00:39:17] Speaker A: I love multi uses for products.
[00:39:22] Speaker B: It's a bottom line. It's good for your partnership to mix things up. Sex products bring much needed fun into your long term sex and this is especially important when you have kids.
[00:39:37] Speaker A: You don't need to feel intimidated. There are so many toy options out there, so figure out what you want and go for it.
[00:39:47] Speaker B: So here's what you learned during this podcast.
[00:39:49] Speaker A: It's 2,025 people. It's 20 time to stop feeling ashamed about buying a sex toy. We are looking at you moms.
[00:39:57] Speaker B: Sex toys are a tool to help you and your partner feel sexually empowered.
[00:40:04] Speaker A: You learned how to get started, how to shop discreetly and how not to get trapped by buying too much vibrator.
[00:40:12] Speaker B: And Amy gave us some really good product ideas on how you can start seeing simple and be economical.
[00:40:20] Speaker A: We talked about where to store your sex toys, how to clean them and how to use them discreetly and what.
[00:40:28] Speaker B: You can do if your kids find your sex toy.
[00:40:33] Speaker A: We had a lively debate on whether you should surprise your partner with a sex toy.
[00:40:37] Speaker B: And finally, we challenge you to put what you've learned from this podcast into into motion.
[00:40:44] Speaker A: Are you Interested in trying a new toy in the bedroom? Use the Code podcast@suburbanintimacy shop.com and receive 20% off your purchase. We'll include these links and discount codes in the show notes. That's it for us.
[00:41:01] Speaker B: Until next time.
[00:41:02] Speaker A: Stay sexy on next week's episode of the Sensational Sex Podcast, most of us assume that reaching an orgasm is like crossing the finish line to sex. You might even wonder if sex is even worth it if you don't have at least one orgasmic moment, however, something.
[00:41:21] Speaker B: We talk about a lot in this podcast. The reason so many women lose interest in sex is because of the orgasm as the goal she comes first. Pressure to perform.
[00:41:35] Speaker A: Your body is not a machine and it's not automatically able to produce orgasms on command.
[00:41:43] Speaker B: And it might seem counterintuitive, but if you want to experience more orgasms, then you need to take the focus off of having an orgasm and redirect your focus to your sensual pleasure.
[00:41:58] Speaker A: But what if your sex routines are already established? Switching things around can seem really impossible.
[00:42:04] Speaker B: It's not, and at the end of the podcast you're going to learn five ways that you can redirect your focus to your sensual pleasure.
[00:42:14] Speaker A: Are you struggling with lack of desire, mismatched sex drives, pain or peri or post menopausal shifts that affect your sex life? Are you craving more pleasure and passion in the bedroom, but you don't know where to start? At Suburban Intimacy, I offer a holistic blend of one to one coaching, educational workshops, online events and curated bio sexologist Intimacy products. Book a complimentary discovery
[email protected] and while you're there, download your five free tips for sexy scheduled sex. Want to spice things up? Save 15% off your first order at Suburban Intimacy. Shop with the Code podcast 15 is.
[00:43:02] Speaker B: Good Sex on your mind, but not in your bedroom? Go to trinaread.com and check out my award winning books the Sex Course and Sex Boot Camp. While you're there, grab your free copy of Sex Boot Camp Masterclass and sign up for My Success newsletter to get weekly freebies and easy ways to help you become the juiciest, sexiest version of.
