#20 Why Are Women Trying To Orgasm LIke A Man? | Couple Sex

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Have you ever wondered why so many women lose interest in sex once she's been in a relationship for a while? [00:00:06] Speaker B: The short answer is orgasm focused. She comes first. Sex sets too many women up for sexual failure and she feels broken in. [00:00:18] Speaker A: This Sensational sex podcast episode 20 why are women Trying to Orgasm like men? We're going to untangle how we came to believe orgasm is our only option during sex. [00:00:31] Speaker B: Research shows persistent low sexual desire in women is heavily associated with orgasm as the goal focus sex and we'll explain why. [00:00:41] Speaker A: It's not the orgasm, it's the expectation what women can do to change this orgasm as the goal mindset to cultivate her robust sexual desire. [00:00:53] Speaker B: We'll then walk you through how you can tap into your pleasure spectrum that will open up your sensual energy and sexual experience. [00:01:03] Speaker A: Make sure to listen and follow because this podcast will give you the tools to create a sex life that is fulfilling for you. [00:01:13] Speaker B: Welcome to the Sensational Sex Podcast where we help women in long term relationships thrive after the honeymoon stage is over. Are you a woman who wants a deep, intimate and satisfying connection with her partner? Of course you do. Amy Rowan and Dr. Trina Reed have the answers and all you have to do is join us each week and take a small step. Soon enough you'll be that woman who effortlessly has a satisfying sex life. Follow us on social media Sensational Sex Podcast Share this episode, return next week, leave a review and thank you so much for subscribing. Now let's start the show. Hello beautiful people. Thank you for listening to the Sensational Sex Podcast. We're so happy for you to join us. [00:02:06] Speaker A: Even though your sex life will never be perfect, you can create a sex life that's perfect for you and we're here to help you with that. [00:02:14] Speaker B: Amy, did you know that research shows persistent low sexual desire in women is heavily associated with or orgasm as the goal focused sex? [00:02:26] Speaker A: We're gonna untangle how we came to believe orgasm is our only option during. [00:02:31] Speaker B: Sex and what you can do to change this orgasm as the goal mindset and create sex that cultivates your robust sexual desire. [00:02:42] Speaker A: Finally, we'll walk you through how you can tap into your pleasure spectrum and and open you to your sensual and sexual experience in the second half of our podcast. [00:02:54] Speaker B: So when it comes to sex, there's a big difference between what you think you want and what you actually need. You've been socialized to believe what you want is an orgasm, but depending on your body's response, you might need something very different. [00:03:13] Speaker A: Meaning women are trying to Orgasm like a man. And then we're confused why this way of orgasming isn't working for us. The average woman wraps herself into pretzels trying to force her body to enjoy a type of sex that doesn't satisfy her. [00:03:30] Speaker B: And this makes women feel like she is sexually broken. And we're here to say, you are not broken. The sex you're having is broken. And if you feel like this is way too much to fix, don't worry. Fixing this is really straightforward. [00:03:49] Speaker A: Dr. Jen Gunter said you can't be empowered about your health if you have incorrect information. And we're going to give you the correct information. [00:03:59] Speaker B: So, Amy, I think when women look at her sexual pleasure, it's this question mark of I just don't understand what I want or how I want it, or like, all I know is that everybody tells me I need to have an orgasm and that's going to make me sexually fulfilled. [00:04:15] Speaker A: Yeah, I think that, you know, we. Orgasm has been held up as sort of this high standard. And of course, look, and we're not knocking orgasms. To be clear, an orgasm is fantastic, but the focus on the orgasm, the. And the sole focus on that I think is doing such a disservice to, to all of the beautiful pleasure that is available and possible within an entire sexual experience. When you're just trying to rush to the goal and you're focused on that goal, then it can create this sort of pressure that makes that goal impossible to experience. [00:04:56] Speaker B: And I think the other side of this equation is if you and your partner have established this orgasm as the goal and now you need to communicate with your partner that you need something different, that can feel like a really hard conversation. And I, you know, I think a lot of women say, is that even possible or realistic? Will my partner just not manage that conversation very well? [00:05:20] Speaker A: Yeah, I have several clients that I'm working with right now that they're women, they're not enjoying their sex lives. They say that they have an orgasm every time that they do have sex. So by what we feel like is the standard, they should be enjoying things, but they're not fulfilled. They're not enjoying the sex that they're having, even though they're having orgasms every time. And I think that a lot of people might find that to be very confusing. [00:05:46] Speaker B: It is, and it's cliche and entirely inaccurate to say women have less sexual desire than men. Women have active desire and robust sexual desires and libidos, but their desires are less linear with more variable patterns of desire, arousal, and Fulfillment. [00:06:07] Speaker A: However, her robust desire can be severely compromised by the sex that she's choosing to have. [00:06:14] Speaker B: So we can understand how women worldwide ended up here. We're going to take you through a brief, short history on women's orgasms. [00:06:24] Speaker A: In 1905, Austrian neurologist Sigmund Freud published his vaginal orgasm theory. And Freud postulated that married women who did not have a vaginal orgasm during intercourse were. Are you ready for this? Immature, neurotic, sexual failures or frigid? [00:06:46] Speaker B: And that only a small percentage of married women reported having a vaginal orgasm during intercourse. Had Freud concluding that most women were immature, neurotic, and frigid. Folks, you can't make this stuff up. [00:07:02] Speaker A: And even though today's men and women really don't believe this nonsense, we still kind of do. The next time you watch a romcom or you read a romance novel or watch porn, I want you to really pay attention to how a woman's sexual pleasure centers around having a vaginal orgasm during intercourse. [00:07:25] Speaker B: That her ultimate sexual satisfaction comes from a big penis thrusting in and out of her vagina for a long time. So it's not hyperbole to say that this vaginal orgasm myth damaged women's sexual self esteem and has led to a crippling negative sexual mindset. [00:07:49] Speaker A: And to be abundantly clear, most women cannot orgasm from penetration alone. Most women need clitoral stimulation to experience an orgasm. I feel like this is something that I can shout from the rooftops over and over and over again. And every single time I have someone who was like, oh, really? I didn't know that. [00:08:16] Speaker B: Yeah, I have been saying this for over 25 years. And, you know, I'm just in my little corner beating the drum, beating the drum and, you know, trying to get the message out. And I know there's hundreds of other sexologists getting the exact same message out. And I just don't understand why we're still here. [00:08:34] Speaker A: Well, it's interesting to me too, because when you say that and they hear it for the first time, they're like, oh, that explains everything. Because the reality is that's the experience that we have been having all along. And then within that, we're thinking that we're broken. We're thinking that something's wrong with us. And it just validates. Oh, yes, the fact that I have to use my vibrator when I'm with my partner to have an orgasm. Oh, okay. So there's nothing wrong with that. No, that's. That's how our bodies work. [00:09:07] Speaker B: So on the whole Vibrator thing. There are so many reports of women who can easily orgasm with a vibrator but then still feel inadequate because she can't orgasm with penal thrusting. So there's, there's still that disconnect. [00:09:21] Speaker A: Yeah. In my live sex coaching episode with Laura, she shared this too. And she's that this was one of her big ahas. She said, I really need to use my vibrator and I feel like there's something wrong with me. And I shared this fact with her and she was like, oh, that's amazing. [00:09:36] Speaker B: So that's episode 13, in case you were wondering which one to go and listen to because it's so awesome. The sex coaching session with with Laura and amy. So in 1966, the sex research team, Masters and Johnson determined the vagina is an organ of sexual pleasure for men. Their research showed that the vaginal canal contains only a few sensitive nerve receptors and they declared the clitoris to be a woman's main pleasure organ. [00:10:08] Speaker A: At the time, Master and Johnson's clitoral orgasm research was cutting edge and extremely progressive. And from a feminist point of view, having women experience a clitoral orgasm and therefore as much sexual satisfaction as men was a logical no brainer. [00:10:27] Speaker B: The world embraced the idea that women could orgasm with every single sexual encounter, which was a significant leap for women's sexuality. [00:10:39] Speaker A: Then everyone jumped on board with the she comes first bandwagon. With couples worldwide attempting mutual orgasm, partners. [00:10:48] Speaker B: Found their excitement increased having her come first, making it a win win. And everything was great until it wasn't and things got awkward. [00:11:01] Speaker A: You see, even though women were expected to orgasm first, her sexual needs were still coming a distant second. [00:11:10] Speaker B: Why? Because typically with the she comes first orgasm model, there is a polite prelude of foreplay to set her desire into motion and get her in the mood. [00:11:22] Speaker A: Hopefully during foreplay she can orgasm, but if not, oh well, it's time to move on to the main event which is his orgasm. And that is, no matter what happens, the most important thing in every sexual encounter is for him to orgasm. [00:11:39] Speaker B: Over time, somewhere in their long term relationship, something shifted. For many women, her orgasm became mechanical. [00:11:50] Speaker A: A woman's body can orgasm without her feeling sexual desire or arousal. It's an automatic response to stimulation, like a sneeze, but with no emotional attachment. [00:12:05] Speaker B: So she needed something more, but wasn't sure what that something was and did not know how to communicate the change to her partner. [00:12:14] Speaker A: And when her partner doesn't notice her dissatisfaction, she started to become resentful that her sexual experience was about making sure that he was sexually satisfied. And this resentment soon turns into apathy. And there is no greater libido killer than being apathetic about sex. [00:12:34] Speaker B: So this is where many women find their sex life wedged in an orgasm as the focus she comes first and apathetic sex rut. So something I don't get to discuss enough is how orgasm becomes mechanical for so many women. And I think that's the missing piece there. You know, women need the spiritual connection, the emotional connection to her partner, so she's able to have a physical orgasm. Her body can do it, but she's not feeling any attachment to what just happened or her partner. And I think that for women, that that gap needs to be filled with sensuality. [00:13:17] Speaker A: Yeah. And I feel like a woman can feel almost betrayed by her body. Her body is responding in this held up as the goal way, but she's still not feeling mentally emotionally fulfilled, connected. And I think that can be very frustrating for her and very confusing too. [00:13:39] Speaker B: Yeah. And I feel like nobody's telling women it's okay if you're not happy, just like sneezing and having an orgasm. And you don't feel like if you're dissatisfied, like, so these women are told, of course you're going to be satisfied if you have the orgasm. And they're going, well, I'm not satisfied. And what's wrong with me? I'm broken. You're not broken. You're absolutely normal. I think we need something more than just having an orgasm. [00:14:06] Speaker A: So let's just go ahead and address this elephant in the room, the confusing matter that women do love to orgasm and want to orgasm during sex. [00:14:17] Speaker B: So it's not the orgasm, it's the expectations. [00:14:22] Speaker A: And it boils down to most women not wanting and eventually resenting the pressure to perform and orgasm first on command with every sexual encounter. [00:14:34] Speaker B: So most women experience a delayed sexual response and are unable to orgasm during the she comes first time frame. [00:14:44] Speaker A: So women have this one shot to fit in her pleasure during the foreplay. And yet her ability to get in the mood and orgasm can generally be pretty inconsistent. [00:14:55] Speaker B: What's the saying, Amy? The road to hell is paved with the best of intentions. Sadly, as billions of women will attest, the she comes first model backfired in a big way. It was a worldwide orgasm experience gone wrong. [00:15:14] Speaker A: The expectation and pressure to orgasm with every sexual encounter can actually decrease a woman's ability to have an orgasm. [00:15:24] Speaker B: Often the result of the she comes first experience is, ironically, that she does not orgasm. And if she does orgasm, it's probably mechanical, a bodily response that has no arousal or desire attached to it. [00:15:41] Speaker A: And then every time that she can't orgasm with foreplay or intercourse, then she has this unconscious sense of failure. And if that wasn't enough, then she needs to direct her focus to make sure that her partner has an orgasm. [00:15:57] Speaker B: It makes sense that this one sided sexual experience creates a negative sexual mindset that a woman's sexual narrative often becomes. What's the point of having sex? Because there's nothing in it for me. [00:16:11] Speaker A: And as we have said many times on this podcast, the sex that she is expected to have is broken. But sadly, ironically, bitterly, women are made to feel like they are broken. [00:16:25] Speaker B: I feel like a broken record. You are not broken. Your orgasm needs to happen on your terms rather than dictated by society's expectations. [00:16:38] Speaker A: Sure. So women's orgasms are different than men's orgasms. And researchers have since learned that how most women experience sexual desire is also different from men. [00:16:51] Speaker B: The orgasm as the goal is generally how men want to experience sex, and that's okay. Yet men's and women's orgasms are not the same and their experiences of reaching orgasm is different. [00:17:06] Speaker A: So why then are women still trying to experience sexual desire and orgasm like a man? [00:17:12] Speaker B: I just think it's important to point out that we are not blaming men for this. I think men, the men I know anyways, they're trying as hard as they can to make this a good experience. And if we just tell them what to do, they're like, okay, I'll do it. They want us to feel and have pleasure, but they're just doing what they know and what they think we are. [00:17:34] Speaker A: Enjoying and what they know it goes back to, for them, it goes back to puberty, right? They're in puberty, all of a sudden, they're starting to experience these different types of feelings. They start to touch their penis, they realize that they get to have this orgasm and it feels really amazing. And then they do it a whole lot because that's what they know. And then they're like, oh, she doesn't orgasm, she hasn't done that. You know, it's very different. I want to give her that orgasm, I want to give her that experience. But they're replicating what they've been doing for years and trying to do that in the same way for you, because of course that's all that they know. [00:18:14] Speaker B: So the flip side of this is that societal pressure of you've got to have all the different kinds of orgasms, you know, every time I See, you know how to have 99 different types of orgasms. I just, like, I just want to shake my computer and toss it in the garbage because it just makes me so angry. You know, there's the G spot orgasm, there's the A spot orgasm, there's the prostate orgasm. I mean, this can go on and on and on. And people are like, well, I can't have a G spot orgasm. I don't know how to have an. What is an A spot orgasm? Like, what. What is wrong with me? So I feel like if people didn't feel this pressure that they have to have all these different kinds of orgasms, maybe we could take the focus off of having an orgasm. [00:18:58] Speaker A: We've said this many times on this podcast. But when we remove the focus on the orgasm and put the focus on pleasure. So if you are exploring the G spot area and not trying to give an orgasm, but just working on giving as much pleasure in that area then and relaxing into the pleasure, then that is what hopefully. Well, no, I don't say it. Then that is what may actually make that orgasm show up. [00:19:25] Speaker B: And the irony is, and every person who's had a G spot orgasm will say to you, if you go looking for the G spot, you will not find it. It just happens by accident. And so, you know, like, if you go looking in there and you're like, doing. And you're like this and you're doing all these things, it's not going to happen. But if you are just relaxed into your pleasure and you are, like, completely into your body, that's when it's going to happen. [00:19:50] Speaker A: Yeah, that's. That's exactly how. That's exactly how it happened for me. One day I just. I was like, what in the world was that? And it was not like we were trying for it or looking for it. It just appeared. And then I was like, oh, okay, I do like that. Let's see if we can make that happen again. [00:20:07] Speaker B: Repeat, repeat. So a woman needs to respect her path to desire, arousal, and orgasm. [00:20:18] Speaker A: And when a woman doesn't bring what she wants into the experience, then the sex starts to become lopsided. [00:20:24] Speaker B: And limited orgasm is only one facet of a much larger pleasure spectrum. And when your body is no longer forced to do something it may not want and the pressure to perform and orgasm is gone. It leaves a space where you can bring in the things that make you feel sexual and sensual. So we're back with our sex iq. And Amy, how long does it take an average woman to reach orgasm? A between five to six minutes, B, between 12 to 14 minutes, or C, orgasm. What's an orgasm? [00:21:08] Speaker A: So the short answer is B, between 12 to 14 minutes. And that is with clitoral stimulation. [00:21:16] Speaker B: That's underline that. That's underlined with clitoral stimulation. [00:21:20] Speaker A: Yeah, we're not talking 12 to 14 minutes of thrusting, people. This is with clitoral stimulation. Okay, so there were two studies that were cited for this quiz, and they focused on intravaginal ejaculation latency time, which refers to the length of time it takes for a man to reach orgasm, starting from the first moment of vaginal penetration. [00:21:42] Speaker B: I wonder how they timed that. Like, did they have the stopwatch there? Like, okay, go. [00:21:48] Speaker A: I wanted to, like, I still want to be one of these researchers. Like, I guess I need to go get my PhD. So, yeah. [00:21:54] Speaker B: The average time for a woman to orgasm was 13.4 minutes, a bit more than twice the length of time men reported. [00:22:03] Speaker A: Here's the important part. 69% of women in this study reported that intercourse alone was not sufficient to lead to orgasm, meaning most women needed other activities or forms of stimulation in order to climax. [00:22:21] Speaker B: Most women also reported when it came to intercourse, they orgasmed faster and had longer lasting orgasms when they were on top of their partner, because that disposition offers more consistent clitoral stimulation. You see me going back and forth. [00:22:38] Speaker A: We're both doing a little rocking here. [00:22:40] Speaker B: Yay for me. [00:22:41] Speaker A: Yeah. And this is absolutely something that I hear from my clients where they're like, I have a hard time experiencing orgasm except when I'm on top. And I, and I always take that opportunity to point out, I say the reason that that position is working so well for you is because you're getting that rubbing, you're getting that clitoral stimulation, and you have more control over the angle and things like that. So you're able to do a little more rocking and really just figuring out how to move your hips exactly where it feels really good. This is the part of the podcast where we put on our sexologist hats and give you concrete and practical tools to help your sexual situation. [00:23:23] Speaker B: In order for women to reignite her robust sexual desire, she needs to open up her sexual experience to something more than just having an orgasm. But how can she do this? Sense8 Focus has been used effectively with couples and individuals to increase their sexual satisfaction. [00:23:44] Speaker A: Sensate focus shows you how to focus on your sensations, meaning you are in control of how you want to be touched. [00:23:54] Speaker B: Sensate focus helps you mindfully notice and experience the sensations and emotions of touch. [00:24:02] Speaker A: Slowing down and practicing mindfulness in this way will help you understand what you want from your sexual experience. [00:24:12] Speaker B: So sensate focus uses non demanding touch, meaning you touch with no particular outcome or expectation. So you are not trying to arouse or pleasure yourself. Instead you are touching your body with curiosity and exploration. [00:24:31] Speaker A: You learn how to allow yourself to experience and enjoy touch while paying attention to things like temperature. So does it feel warm or does it feel cool? Pressure, does it feel hard or does it feel soft? And texture, does it feel smooth or rough? [00:24:49] Speaker B: So here's the setup. Give yourself 30 minutes of uninterrupted time and make sure you have a comfortable environment with temperature, with no distractions such as electronics, your pets or stimulating sounds or music. [00:25:04] Speaker A: Avoid alcohol or recreational drug use as this can impact your ability to experience sensations. And you also want to abstain from penetration or trying to have an orgasm. [00:25:17] Speaker B: To start your self exploration, avoid stimulating your areas such as your vulva or your breasts. [00:25:24] Speaker A: Touch using hands and fingers only should focus on experimenting with sensations like temperature, pressure and texture. [00:25:35] Speaker B: Close your eyes and focus on a singular sensation as you touch each of the body parts listed below. And I think that's the key here, that as you're touching your finger, you're feeling this particular finger. As you're touching your nose, you're feeling your nose. Does this make sense? Like instead of trying to feel your entire body, you're just isolating each of these areas and you're, you're getting the sense of what this feels like. [00:26:03] Speaker A: Take a few minutes with each body part and if you have negative thoughts, just take a deep breath, let that emotion run its course and then focus again on the sensations. [00:26:18] Speaker B: So if your feet are on the floor, wiggle your toes and focus on. [00:26:22] Speaker A: What that feed your ankles and then the lower part of your legs, your. [00:26:29] Speaker B: Knees and the top part of your. [00:26:32] Speaker A: Legs or thighs, your vaginal area and this includes your labia and your clitoris. Contract or tighten your vaginal muscles and as you do so, remind yourself that these are important body parts for sexual pleasure and activity. [00:26:48] Speaker B: Your hands and what they are touching. What temperature or texture are your fingers sensing. Describe these sensations to yourself. [00:26:58] Speaker A: Your shoulders and then your neck and your head. Focus on your breathing, Take a deep breath and focus on what it feels like. [00:27:09] Speaker B: I think I really love Sense8 Focus. Because what it's teaching people is to slow down and actually feel their body. And I feel like with women there's a big disconnect when they go into sex. They're all in their head, and they are trying to move into their body, but, you know, they have a delayed sexual response. So when you practice, sensei focus, you are teaching yourself to get into your body quicker, but also understanding what those sensations feel like. It's like kind of like muscle memory. [00:27:42] Speaker A: This is an activity that I have a lot of my clients do, and it's very important because, yes, one of the biggest things that we hear is, I'm stuck in my head. I'm stuck in my head. And I think the other really important part of this is when you get the distracting thoughts that will absolutely come into your head. You need to acknowledge them without judgment and just push them away and come back into the sensation. So it's like, oh, gosh, like, why is this weird? And then it's like, no, come back. Okay, what is the pressure? What is the texture? What is the temperature? Focusing on those three things makes it easier to get rid of the distracting thoughts and come back into your body. [00:28:24] Speaker B: So part of what I hear you saying, Amy, is I think women have a resistance to leaning into her pleasure because it's scary. It's scary, right? Like, she's leaning into her sensuality, and maybe this has never happened before. And so her brain automatically is going to be like, push it away, push it away, push it away. When you force yourself back into that moment of, as you say, what does this feel like? What is it? You know, what is going on? And you're able to push those thoughts that are trying to get you out of there. You're training yourself to lean into your pleasure. [00:28:58] Speaker A: It's such a valuable exercise. And then the next step, the one that we've described, is solo sensate focus. And then there's another level of this where you do this with your partner. [00:29:08] Speaker B: Yeah. So if you're ready to take this to the next level of sensual touch, continue to explore the pleasurable areas, including exploring your vulva and your breasts. Focus on your increased pleasure with how you like to be touched and your response to stimulation. [00:29:25] Speaker A: Adding lotion and lubricant can start to increase the friction and the sensation, and this will start to make the experience even more pleasurable. And it's also going to help those who have very sensitive skin feel more comfortable. [00:29:40] Speaker B: So make sure to track what you've learned, make a mental note, or better yet, journal what you've just learned about. [00:29:47] Speaker A: Your body, how effective sensate focus will be, is going to work in direct proportion to your participation. So go for it. [00:29:57] Speaker B: Yeah. You have nothing to lose and everything to Gain by deep diving into what lives inside your pleasure spectrum. [00:30:07] Speaker A: I love this. Next, the second step of it, when you're starting to focus more on pleasurable sensations. And that is another technique that I was taught in my sexology certification. We call it fops. Focus on pleasurable sensations. And so when you're moving out of just focusing on your body without pleasure and then coming into the pleasurable sensations, that's an easy thing to keep in your mind where if you're starting to get distracted, you can just say, fops, Let me focus on the pleasurable sensations. [00:30:44] Speaker B: And also, I think when you explore your body in this way, you can then more easily communicate to your partner, you know what? I really like it when my neck is kissed or whatever it is for you. For me, it's my lower. My lower back. I'm very. And it's like, you know, my husband just does this like, thing on my lower back and I'm like, you know. But I think once you start exploring what your body where your pleasure is, it's so much easier to communicate that to your partner and start. Suddenly your partner isn't just focused on giving you an orgasm. [00:31:18] Speaker A: My husband tells me that I have trick thighs and my. The inner thighs. He's like, I just do one little sweep and then it just like amplifies everything. And my other unexpected area is my ears. So I have no idea why. That's actually something that I discovered pretty early on. Like, I discovered that, like, as a teenager and a boyfriend that was like kissing my ears. Sometimes if I'm having a hard time getting there or if my husband's just trying to amplify things, like he just starts kissing. Yeah, I don't know. My ears are a big unexpected spot for me and. [00:31:51] Speaker B: And really exploring is fun, you know, it should be a fun experience for you. You know, there's no pressure. With sensate focus, it's all about, you know, just taking some time out of your life and going through your body and just seeing what works for you. [00:32:09] Speaker A: So often what happens is there's just this focus on the genitals as, you know, what you call the chicken dance of sex. Right. And if it's just chicken dance. [00:32:26] Speaker B: Next time you have sex and you focus on that, you're going to hear the chicken dance in your head and you're welcome. [00:32:33] Speaker A: And when it's just focused on that, like, imagine that we wouldn't know about Trina's lower back or my ears or the inner thighs. You don't know about all these other Areas that bring unexpected and sometimes very intense pleasure. [00:32:48] Speaker B: Yeah, sensual and erotic. It's like, it's almost effortless. Like that whole, you know, touching the back is almost effortless. Finding your pleasure spectrum, it doesn't have to be difficult. It just takes a little time and exploration. So, Amy, I think we've come to the end of our podcast, but let's go through the things that we have learned. First of all, when it comes to orgasm, too many women feel like she's sexually broken. You are not broken. The sex you're having is broken. [00:33:22] Speaker A: Women aren't supposed to orgasm like men. Our bodies aren't built to orgasm like men. And so that means it's not the orgasm, it's the expectations about having the orgasm. [00:33:35] Speaker B: And in order for women to reignite her robust sexual desire, she needs to open up her sexual experience to something more than just having an orgasm. [00:33:47] Speaker A: Sensate Focus shows you how to focus on your sensations. Slowing down and practicing mindfulness in this way will help you understand what you want from your sexual experience. [00:34:00] Speaker B: Sensate Focus is an easy and straightforward way to tap into your pleasure spectrum. [00:34:07] Speaker A: You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by deep diving into what lives inside your pleasure spectrum. And when you do, please email us@sensational sexpodcastmail.com and and tell us your story. [00:34:22] Speaker B: We love the stories. We do. We love the stories. [00:34:25] Speaker A: And we have an exciting free gift for you. Head to sensational sexpodcast.com and get your free download with your instructions on how to do self Sensate Focus. [00:34:40] Speaker B: Wow, that's a great deal. Free. Free is a great deal. [00:34:43] Speaker A: Yeah. So go ahead, head to our website, download that, and we can't wait to hear about your experiences with trying Sensate Focus. Until next time, stay sexy on next week's episode of the Sensational Sex podcast. What does an orgasm feel like? This podcast, we're dishing about everything. Orgasm and you don't want to miss it. [00:35:08] Speaker B: While women are asking, is there a way an orgasm should feel? Men are asking, how can I maximize her pleasure during sex? [00:35:18] Speaker A: On this Sensational Sex bonus podcast, we don't know the answer, but we're doing our best. We're trying to explain what a woman's orgasm feels like. [00:35:29] Speaker B: We'll then walk you through the five stages of arousal that lead to a woman having an orgasm. [00:35:37] Speaker A: And we had a very interesting discussion unpacking what an orgasm feels like. [00:35:43] Speaker B: You'll then learn the difference between a vaginal orgasm, a clitoral orgasm, and a G spot orgasm. [00:35:51] Speaker A: Make sure to listen and follow because this podcast will give you the tools to create a sex life that is fulfilling for you. Are you struggling with lack of desire, mismatched sex drives, pain or peri or post menopausal shifts that affect your sexual sex life? Are you craving more pleasure and passion in the bedroom but you don't know where to start? At Suburban Intimacy, I offer a holistic blend of one to one coaching, educational workshops, online events and curated biosexologist intimacy products. Book a complimentary discovery [email protected] and while you're there, download your five free free tips for sexy scheduled sex. Want to Spice things up? Save 15 off your first order at suburbanintimacyshop.com with the code podcast 15 is. [00:36:48] Speaker B: Good Sex on your mind, but not in your bedroom. Go to trina reid.com and check out my award winning books the Sex Course and Sex Boot Camp. While you're there, grab your free copy of Sex Boot Camp Master and sign up for My Success newsletter to get weekly freebies and easy ways to help you become the juiciest, sexiest version of.