[00:00:00] Speaker A: We're answering the top five tough questions that you might have about going through perimenopause.
[00:00:07] Speaker B: If you're going through perimenopause and want straight answers about sex, then this podcast is for you.
Welcome to the Sensational Sex Podcast, where we help women in long term relationships thrive after the honeymoon stage is over. Are you a woman who wants a deep, intimate and satisfying connection with her partner? Of course you do. Amy Rowan and Dr. Trina Reed have the answers and all you have to do is join us each week and take a small step. Soon enough, you'll be that woman who effortlessly has a satisfying sex life. Follow us on social media at Sensational Sex Podcast. Share this episode, return next week, leave a review and thank you so much for subscribing. Now, let's start the show.
[00:01:02] Speaker A: Hello, beautiful people. I'm Amy Rowan, the suburban sexologist. Thank you for listening to the Sensational Sex Podcast. We are so happy that you're joining us.
[00:01:11] Speaker B: I'm Dr. Trina Reed. And even though your sex life will never be perfect, you can create a sex life that is perfect for you. And we are here to help you.
[00:01:20] Speaker A: With that in case you're not sure. Perimenopause is the hormonal transition that occurs before menopause and it usually starts in your 40s.
[00:01:31] Speaker B: So you have to go through 12 months without a menstrual period and that marks the end of your reproduction. And fingers crossed, Amy. No, please, Amy, cross your fingers. This month. This month I've reached menopause.
Like just. I'm. Honestly, I'm.
[00:01:51] Speaker A: Yes, I know, I know, I know you've been waiting for this moment. I think as long as you're like, I think I'm there. No. Oh, I'm not there yet. So. Well, I'm crossing everything then. This is it. So that. Thank you.
[00:02:01] Speaker B: Thank you.
[00:02:02] Speaker A: Have this transition. So I'm just. I'm at the beginning. I'm just going into perimenopause. And if you aren't sure, we are definitely not medical doctors. So the best thing for you to do is to speak to your doctor.
[00:02:15] Speaker B: And another great resource is to check out the website SEMCOR ca, that's C E M C O R ca, which is the center for Menstrual cycle and Ovulation research. And it's the only center of its kind in the world. It's led by endocrinologist Dr. Jerry Lynn Prior. And their goal is to do good science that honors the voices and experiences of women.
[00:02:42] Speaker A: And another great website to check out is our sponsor, nuve, and their product line that is designed for perimenopausal and postmenopausal women. Get into good vulva habits, and this will help you thrive during perimenopause. You can take the Nuve quiz and you can find out which one of all of their incredible products is the right one for you.
[00:03:02] Speaker B: Yeah, it's such a wonderful product. So, Amy, let's start at the start by getting into the right mindset. So we need to start thinking of perimenopause as a stage of life. You know, as we reach our 40s, there's a lot of negative focus on perimenopause. And there are some bad things that will happen to you, but there's also some great things that are going to happen to you as well.
[00:03:28] Speaker A: I mean, I think it's fair to say that you're never going to be the same again after menopause. But this isn't negative, like you said, in a good way. And, you know, whether we like it or not, we are aging. We're changing all the time. And each age and stage that we go through has its blessings and its curses.
[00:03:47] Speaker B: You know, for example, in our 20s, we have boundless energy, but we, at least I made some silly mistakes because I lacked wisdom. That comes with age. And by the time we reached our 60s, we have bucketfuls of wisdom, but not as much stamina that we had in our 20s.
[00:04:07] Speaker A: The human body was never designed to live at 100 miles an hour for our entire lives. And so slowing down is normal. It's natural, and it's perfectly fine. And it also gives us some really good time to reflect and consolidate our wisdom and perhaps follow some new directions. And this could not be more true than with our sensual and our sexual experiences.
[00:04:31] Speaker B: Yeah, I feel like we. There's still this idea that in this, you know, for women when they reach perimenopause or menopause, sexuality is done. They're dried up. You know, it's gone. And I feel like it's just the beginning. This is. This is like a rebirth of what your sexuality and sensuality can be. But that's not what society tells you.
[00:04:55] Speaker A: Growing up, my mom, when I was like, 12, 13, 14, she was getting her PhD and she wrote her PhD on what she termed midlife and premenopausal issues. So I feel like I've been hearing about this stage of life, like, my entire life. And she was such a big advocate. And I'm sure it's because that's where she was at that point in time, she was such a big advocate of everything that we're talking about here, that this is a rebirth. This is an opportunity to see things, experience things in a different way. And I can certainly say that the vast majority of my clients that come to me are in their 40s and 50s and. And they're looking to make this mindset shift, to experience things differently. And a lot of them are like, I don't know why we waited this long. We should have been doing this earlier. But I think the reflection that comes in this time is, is really powerful and it's what enables all of this.
[00:05:48] Speaker B: Yeah, I think sometimes when you're in your 30s and like, you're doing the child rearing, if you have kids, like, there's no time for self reflection. There's none of it. So, you know, now you have a little bit of also different body confidence. You know, you're not tending and mending to everybody. Like, I think all the pieces can come together at this age where you're going, you know what? I'm going to make sensuality about me. And you don't feel guilty or shame about wanting to have that pleasure?
[00:06:23] Speaker A: Yeah, I think that's really important. Certainly I feel way better about myself and my body now in my 40s than I did in my 30s because I was having babies and weight and changes. So much was happening there. But the confidence that shows up in the 40s, I think for most women is, it's fun, it feels good. It's nice to finally feel really good about yourself, too.
[00:06:44] Speaker B: It is finally good to feel good about yourself.
And like your clients say, why did it take this long?
[00:06:51] Speaker A: I know, I know.
[00:06:53] Speaker B: I couldn't have this when I was 20.
[00:06:55] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. Well, it's probably good we didn't have it when we were 20. That might be a little dangerous. Who knows? But.
[00:07:01] Speaker B: Well, Amy, let's dive into our questions. So the first question that we're going to answer is, what are the four stages of perimenopause and how will each stage affect your sex drive?
[00:07:15] Speaker A: So working out which stage of perimenopause that you're in and when you'll come out on the other side can be tricky. Remember, the menopause transition is also an entire stage within itself. And you can always check out Simcor Ca.
[00:07:31] Speaker B: Yeah, it's such a good website. I got so much information and, you know, I can't. I can't recommend it enough. So the first stage is very early perimenopausal Transition. And this is where your periods are regular or regular for you. But you're noticing some subtle changes. And one of the first signs of perimenopause is anxiety.
Can't get rid of the anxiety.
[00:08:00] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, I, I might be here. This might be where I am.
[00:08:05] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:08:05] Speaker A: But according to the study of Women's health across the nation, nearly 30% of women will have hot flashes in their 30s even while they're still getting regular periods.
[00:08:17] Speaker B: And some women may begin flashing 11 years before their last menstrual cycle and continue to flash for 14 years after.
And this group is known as the super flashers.
[00:08:31] Speaker A: Oh, wow.
[00:08:32] Speaker B: If you're a super flasher, email us.
[00:08:34] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:08:35] Speaker B: We'll send you some sympathy for sure.
[00:08:38] Speaker A: I have not heard of super flashers. Oh my goodness.
The. There are other signs to pay attention to. A big one, and I know I've heard this amongst my peer group and experienced this myself, is alcohol intolerance.
Loss of self confidence. And then it also starts just to take more effort to lose weight and you start to have some bigger mood changes.
[00:08:58] Speaker B: I was really surprised about you lose your self confidence. I don't know what happens inside your body that you're starting to lose self confidence. I know it happened to me for sure. Like it just takes a little bit extra to get my courage up to do things now. And I don't know why that is. It's never happened to me before.
So other symptoms is your PMS symptoms can worsen. You can get heavier periods and your cycle starts to change length, even by a few days.
[00:09:29] Speaker A: I'm. This is absolutely where I am. My cycles are going longer and shorter and just kind of flip flopping around and I haven't lost my confidence yet. I hope, I hope that doesn't happen, but it's just always nice to know that these are things that can be a part of it. So if it does happen, at least I won't think that something's drastically wrong.
[00:09:49] Speaker B: Yeah, well, it makes you feel crazy. And the thing is, if you don't talk about it, you don't see that other women are going through this too.
[00:09:57] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. So the second stage is early perimenopause transition. And this is where your cycle starts to change more noticeably. And it can be at least six to seven days early or late. Your estrogen levels are fluctuating, but they're not always low.
[00:10:15] Speaker B: Yeah, estrogen levels can peak four times higher than before menopause. And what this means is there's a lot of women who go, can get super horny. And they're like, what just happened to me? Like, what is going on? It's. Estrogen is extremely powerful. Like, we think about testosterone as our sex hormone, but estrogen is extremely powerful. So in this. In this moment where your estrogen peaks four times, you're like, okay, let's bring it on. Like, and it's almost. I've spoken to many women who say it's almost distracting, like, how turned. Like, they just want sex all the time. So the other side of this is progesterone. So your estrogen and progesterone have to be at the same levels and they're complementing each other. Right. They're like peanut butter and jam. So you always have to have the same levels of estrogen and progesterone. So at this point where your estrogen is peaking four times, your progesterone isn't able to counterbalance the effects because it's comparatively low. Does that make sense?
[00:11:18] Speaker A: Yeah, I think that that's. That's a great description of hormonal imbalance, which I think is something that we hear about a lot. But people may not realize that it's not about everything being too low. It's about one thing being too high, one thing being too low. And that's where you may be feeling extremely horny, but also extremely tired or, you know, all of that. And so when you are able to go and balance that out, whether you're seeing a functional medicine doctor, maybe your GP may be able to help. But that's a great time to start looking into hormone replacement therapy to get that balance, and that will help with your energy and. And just feeling more like yourself. Because I think the biggest thing that I hear is I just. I just don't feel like myself anymore. I'm tired all the time and, you know, things like that. And I feel like something's wrong. I'm feeling like I'm totally crazy. And it's because of the hormonal imbalance.
So as a result, you can have these symptoms of estrogen excess, low progesterone. And these symptoms include breast pain, heavy periods, migraines, weight gain.
[00:12:26] Speaker B: It can also be really irritable.
[00:12:30] Speaker A: Yep, yep.
[00:12:32] Speaker B: Have lots of fatigue. And surprisingly, I. This is. I think this surprises a lot of people, is you can develop new food allergies or food intolerances.
[00:12:45] Speaker A: So the third stage is the late perimenopause transition, and this is when the estrogen levels are now declining. And this leads to a different set of symptoms. Although you'll notice that weight gain and fatigue are common themes throughout this entire transition period.
[00:13:02] Speaker B: Yeah. And this is where you're going to experience what are considered the classic menopause symptoms that we all know. Those, those hot flashes, the night sweats, the aches and pains, the vaginal dryness or even vaginal atrophy.
[00:13:19] Speaker A: Additionally, fatigue, like we talked about, mood swings, brain fog and weight gain.
[00:13:27] Speaker B: So lovely.
[00:13:28] Speaker A: Weight gain, weight gain, weight gain.
[00:13:30] Speaker B: So the fourth stage is late perimenopause. So by now you're like me and you're crossing off the 12 months from your calendar, wondering if you've already had your last period.
[00:13:43] Speaker A: And you're not going to be getting your periods regularly at this point, but you might still notice a few symptoms like hot flashes, which may be random or cyclical.
[00:13:53] Speaker B: Yeah, I, even though I have not experienced a period for pretty much two years, I'm still like my, I'm still cycling. Like, I'm like, I'm still doing the cycle. Like I can feel it, you know, but I'm just not getting the release. When you have your men's, you know how when you have your menstruation, it's just like all the bad juju goes out of your body.
I'm not get, I don't get that. I just, I just have the, these things that are happening and they have subsided, but once in a while, like they just like just I think because this is the, you know, 12 months since I had my last period. I've had a pretty difficult month, you know, for, for all of these symptoms. And I don't know if this is the last hurrah. So even though I haven't had a period almost for two years, like this month, I've just, it's been a tough month and you know, I just, I just hope that this goes away. But, you know, so if you're like me and you notice these symptoms after your official menopause, that is when that is your one year anniversary. It's really worth looking into some treatment as your hormones might have not completely resettled.
[00:15:08] Speaker A: What I appreciate about this description and I want to highlight this is I feel like a lot of people use the terms perimenopause and menopause interchangeably.
And perimenopause is the entire stage that I think a lot of people have been talking about as menopause. Menopause is actually the single second that is exactly 12 months from your last period and then it's post menopause. So I like that we're starting to distinguish between Perimenopause, menopause and post menopause. Because I think a lot of, there's a lot of misinformation. People speak misspeak about it frequently.
So what can you expect to happen to your body and especially to your sexual health?
[00:15:54] Speaker B: So for our second question, I just want everybody to hang on because Amy and I are going to get very real and go into all the things that can knit negatively impact your sexual experience.
[00:16:06] Speaker A: And we're telling you this so that you can know what can potentially happen to your body and then you can talk to your doctor. So many women often avoid or are too embarrassed to discuss their sexual health with their doctor.
[00:16:19] Speaker B: There were several U.S. and international surveys that found the majority of women surveyed did not discuss their sexual health related symptoms or with their doctor.
[00:16:31] Speaker A: Discomfort and, or embarrassment with having this discussion was typically cited as the reason for avoiding this conversation.
[00:16:39] Speaker B: And on the flip side, doctors tended to display a lack of sensitivity to these symptoms affecting a woman's quality of life.
[00:16:48] Speaker A: Yeah, just deal with it. That's just part of what you got to deal with. Right?
[00:16:51] Speaker B: Well, my, my doctor, he's, he's nice and he's sympathetic, but he's busy. It's not that he's disregarding my feelings, but, you know, like he, that's not where his headspace is, you know, so.
[00:17:04] Speaker A: And I think it's because they don't feel like they have a lot of things that they can do to help.
[00:17:08] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:17:10] Speaker A: And there's, in one survey, 59% of women believed that other people do not want to hear about their quote unquote vaginal problems. And another, more than one third of women who sought help for sexual health issues felt that their concerns were not adequately addressed or not taken seriously. Yeah.
[00:17:29] Speaker B: And I feel like, you know, I've, I've read in a lot of places that when doctors are going through doctor training, they tend to skip the sexuality classes. They tend to skip these kind of classes because they seem irrelevant. Right. And because of it, they, they just don't have, I don't think they're adequately equipped. And hopefully that is changing. You know, maybe it is. But for our generation, I think we're still in that time where the doctors, it was like, you know, what am I supposed to do for your menopause? Like, you know, I'll give you, I'll give you some estrogen. There you go.
[00:18:05] Speaker A: And so, yeah, good luck, take it.
[00:18:07] Speaker B: So what we're trying to say to you is it is so important for you to advocate for your rights you need to tell, not ask your doctor to help you make your life easier. So if you had a broken arm, it would be unthinkable for you not to see a doctor. And you need to frame your sexual health in the same way. It would be unthinkable for you not to speak to your doctor about it.
[00:18:34] Speaker A: So now that we have given you the talk, let's get into your sexual health. Women in the perimenopausal and postmenopausal phases tend to experience vulva and vaginal atrophy. Typical symptoms of this are going to be sexual pain, genital dryness, vaginal irritation and itch, and or post coital post sex bleeding.
[00:18:59] Speaker B: These symptoms can often be chronic, persisting through menopause, and have the potential to interfere with a woman's sexual activity, intimate relationships, lifestyles and her sexual self esteem.
[00:19:15] Speaker A: In fact, symptoms were found to impact women's quality of life to a similar extent as arthritis, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, asthma or irritable bowel syndrome.
[00:19:29] Speaker B: Female sexual dysfunction, which refers to a number of sexual dysfunction, which is like a loss of desire, decreased arousal, inability to reach orgasm and pain with sexual activity, etc. They commonly overlap and can be exasperated by changes that come with perimenopause.
[00:19:51] Speaker A: Women sometimes assume that older people do not or even should not engage in sexual activity. And I think this is a holdover from our mother's generation. Our generation has one foot in the old way of thinking and one foot in the new way of thinking, thank goodness.
[00:20:07] Speaker B: So conversations about sex are thought of as taboo, in particular when sex is for pleasure rather than for reproductive purposes. So I've done at least 1,000 media interviews and my experience in doing that is I can talk all day long about sexual dysfunction or sexual unhappiness or anything to do with sex being negative. But once I start talking about female sexual pleasure, I get censored. So I think this is a big part of the problem is we only see the negative things that are happening to women during menopause that, that pertain to sex. And these are all true. We just listed these things out to you. So these things can and may happen to you. But then there's the other side and.
[00:20:59] Speaker A: We need to turn this narrative around. Women in their 50s, 60s, 70s and beyond can have a deep and meaningful sexual and sensual connection. I say this all, all the time. And if this is you, you can also check out an amazing line of products at nuve. We will tell you more about them in just a minute.
[00:21:22] Speaker B: Yeah, so I Feel like, you know, when women only get the negative.
I think that's why we, we. They have a lot of anxiety going into this part of their life because they're not told the positive part, and yet the positive part tends to get censored. So I'm not sure what we can do. I mean, we're having this podcast, but, you know, outside of this podcast, I think there are people who are, are talking about the positive things.
I just think there needs to be more.
[00:21:54] Speaker A: The thing that I say all the time is it is possible to have incredibly fun, sensual, pleasurable sex and intimate connections as long as you choose to. And again, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s even, it's absolutely going to look different than it did when we were younger. But it is very, very possible to continue to nurture that if you want to. And again, I think another thing that comes as we get older because things aren't working the way that they did. We are experiencing more dryness or he's experiencing erectile dysfunction or intercourse may be painful. Sometimes intercourse has to come off the table temporarily. It may even have to come off the table permanently, which is unfortunate. But that doesn't mean that the sexual connection has to end because you have the whole rest of the body to explore. And there's still so much pleasure and fun that can be had in connection with clitoral stimulation. You know, different types of things. And so as long as you're willing to be open, change the way that you're experiencing and looking at sex, bringing in new implements, toys, things like that, that's when a beautiful creativity can show up out of necessity. However, we don't have to wait for it to be necessary to be able to bring in that creativity either.
[00:23:18] Speaker B: Well said. Well said, Amy.
[00:23:20] Speaker A: We are going to take a one minute. Make happy sex memories with a new Eve Promote love moment.
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[00:23:54] Speaker A: And no one talked about it, but everyone talked about it.
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[00:24:08] Speaker A: Their husbands all ran away with new girlfriends.
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[00:24:17] Speaker B: And why did this happen?
[00:24:19] Speaker A: The easy answer is that men are.
[00:24:25] Speaker B: But Dr. Renji Chang, as a scientist and a Gynecologist did not think that was the whole answer, so she dug in deeper.
[00:24:34] Speaker A: She discovered that after menopause, 30% of women experience issues that made sex so painful that it became impossible. And she found that no more sex was the first domino and divorce was the last domino.
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[00:25:59] Speaker A: When you take care of your vulva, she will take good care of you. And we are back with our sex IQ question of the day. Here is our question. Are the symptoms of perimenopause and menopause different? True, False, or they are the same.
[00:26:19] Speaker B: And the answer is a. It's false. So both perimenopausal and menopausal women experience the same, same issues, which we just discussed.
[00:26:29] Speaker A: The main difference between perimenopausal and postmenopausal women is that perimenopausal women can still get pregnant. Oh, my gosh.
[00:26:38] Speaker B: Can you imagine, Amy, like, where you are now in your life getting pregnant?
[00:26:43] Speaker A: No. Nope. Nope. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. We had. We had a scare, I don't remember, a few years ago. And.
No, that's. I just. No, I was just like.
I mean, I'm sure that if I had actually been pregnant, I know that, and. And I firmly believe in choice, I. I think that we would have gone on and chosen to have that baby, and I'm sure it would have been absolutely fine. But also. Just. No, that's. I'm. I'm very glad to have those days behind me. I treasure them, I love them. And I am also really enjoying the older kid stage of life.
[00:27:21] Speaker B: Well, I just remember I had my kids late, so I had my second child at 41. And my body.
I'm very healthy and in very good shape.
[00:27:32] Speaker A: You are.
[00:27:32] Speaker B: And my body fell apart. Completely fell apart. And I can't even fathom trying to carry a child at like 47, 48. Because you still can get pregnant.
[00:27:45] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:27:49] Speaker B: And then, and then you have to like chase after the child at 49 and 50. Yes.
[00:27:54] Speaker A: No, I, I can't, I can't imagine it. I had my first at 30 and my last at 35. And I remember just in that five year difference at 35, I remember how much harder pregnancy was on my body at 35. And I remember feeling, feeling a lot older. And of course it didn't help that they had geriatric pregnancy on my chart, which is like the, I'm like, can we get rid of that? Like, can we please get rid of this whole geriatric. Geriatric pregnancy is pregnancy over 60, which generally I don't think is going to happen except in some very rare miraculous IVF cases. So anyway, okay.
[00:28:31] Speaker B: Let'S get back to our questions. So question number three is how does sex change after perimenopause?
[00:28:38] Speaker A: More than a third of women in perimenopause report having sexual difficulties, from lack of interest to trouble experiencing an orgasm. And the main culprit is, of course, those pesky little hormones, declining levels of estrogen. And this can reduce a person's desire to have sex. And it makes sexual arousal more difficult, it makes it take longer.
[00:29:02] Speaker B: So I just want to emphasize that this is all manageable. There's a lot of research coming out now to show that hormone replacement therapy safe and it's effective. So, you know, there was a lot of bad press about it, you know, 15 years ago and, and women were just scared. They're like, I want this, but I, you know, I'm just scared to do it. Now they're coming out and saying it's great and it improves a woman's life significantly.
[00:29:32] Speaker A: However, women do need to communicate about her changing body, her changing, changing desire patterns. And these can shift every single day.
[00:29:43] Speaker B: Every single day.
[00:29:45] Speaker A: Yes. And she also needs to communicate that she may need something different during sex. Again, what was working before previously may not be working as well or at all now. But that doesn't mean that it's. Nothing is working. It just may need, it just may mean that she needs something different. But the only way to get that new thing is to communicate it.
[00:30:13] Speaker B: Yeah. And I believe that women in their 40s have a newfound confidence and are better able to discuss these changing sexual needs, which I feel like is a definite bonus that doesn't get discussed for.
[00:30:28] Speaker A: So many older individuals. Sexuality is still important, despite Age related difficulties such as erectile dysfunction, limited mobility. And for such couples, sexual activity may include other forms of intimacy or masturbation.
[00:30:46] Speaker B: Yeah, so we were just talking about this. You know, couples learned one way to have sex, which is penis vagina sex. And in this stage, you may need to learn a new way to have sex sex. And I feel like for the majority of couples who have only had sex one way for 15, 20 years, this is equal parts scary and also liberating. I think once you start doing new things, you're like, oh, my goodness, we should have been doing this before. Like, this is great, but it's just scary to bring in these new conversations and new ideas.
[00:31:26] Speaker A: A thing that I work with, with a lot of my clients we talk about is the sexual script. And it's. Dr. Ian Kerner talks about this a lot. He's got a book.
So tell me about the last time you have sex. And most couples have a few different sexual scripts that you pretty much always do. Your script is you kiss, you touch, you know, I do this to you, you do this to me. We do this position, we do this position.
He has his orgasm ejaculation, we roll over and go to bed. And most couples just kind of follow that same script over and over and over again because that's what we've been taught and because it's been working so far. But when that stops working, for whatever reason, then a lot of people don't realize that you can change the script. You don't have to do things in the same order that you did before. You don't have to do the same things at all. You can completely try and explore with all of these different things, but it is recognizing that you don't have to keep following that same script.
[00:32:23] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:32:26] Speaker A: Number four. Will my libido ever get better?
[00:32:32] Speaker B: And the shorter answer is yes. Yes, your libido is going to get.
[00:32:37] Speaker A: Better with this hormone roller coaster that you're on. The majority of women may feel that her libido has completely, completely flatlined for a period of time. And this is where women can get into poor sex habits.
[00:32:51] Speaker B: Yeah, so I've been through the. My libido flatlined and, you know, I was like, I don't want it. And what do I do? Like, do I have sex against. Not against my will, but, you know, like obligation sex. Like, what do I do in this moment where, like, I have nothing and yet I want to keep good connection habits with my partner? And it is tough. Like, it's, it's not an easy Thing.
And I. And so I just want to say I get it. It's tough because you have no, no will, want, or desire for sex yet you need to keep a good couple connection for when you make it to the other side. And so the good news is, studies indicate that sexually and sexual activity is important to women at all stages of adulthood, including in the post menop years. So because I made the effort and I pushed, I guess. Push? Is that the wrong way to say it? I pushed through this.
Now we're on the other side, and it's like, amazing. It's great. And I know that the only reason it's great now is because I made that effort when I just didn't want to have it. And I get that it's tough. And it's a decision that you have to make.
[00:34:08] Speaker A: It is. It's a decision and it's an effort. And I think it's purposefully nurturing that connection and that intimacy both in the bedroom and outside of the bedroom. And again, that's why you're on the other side. And things are still going fantastic. So.
[00:34:21] Speaker B: Well, I think they're. I think they're even better, you know?
[00:34:23] Speaker A: The survey of midlife development in the United States found that approximately 60% of women older than 60 years of age were sexually active. And another survey found that 22% of married women between 70 and 79 are also sexually active, which is amazing.
[00:34:41] Speaker B: And in the AARP Survey of Midlife and Older Adults, approximately 60% indicated sex is a critical component to a good relationship. And in another survey, sexual activity was positively associated with quality of life and success, aging, which for me makes a lot of sense.
[00:35:06] Speaker A: So here is an easy way that you can enhance your libido.
It's doing your Kegel exercises.
[00:35:15] Speaker B: Okay, Amy, let's do our Kegels. We're doing our Kegels. Okay.
[00:35:19] Speaker A: I'm going up the elevator doing our Kegels.
[00:35:23] Speaker B: Okay, so it's just that easy. We did our Kegels. We're done for the day.
[00:35:27] Speaker A: Yeah, I like to say do it at every red light. Do a round of Kegels at every red light. That's just a great way to just kind of trigger your memory to do it. And what this is going to do is strengthen your pelvic floor muscles. And there has been lots of research that has shown that Kegels can indirectly enhance your libido in women by improving sexual function and self efficacy.
[00:35:51] Speaker B: So what happens is, when you strengthen your pelvic muscles, these Kegel exercises can improve Your orgasmic ability, it's going to increase your vaginal sensation and it's potentially going to boost your sexual self confidence. All of these things combine to positively impact your libido.
[00:36:15] Speaker A: And if you don't know how, don't worry. It is never too late to start. We have a video, so go ahead and check that out. The links will be in the description and show notes.
[00:36:25] Speaker B: So our last question, question number five is how can you prevent uncomfortable and or painful intercourse first and foremost, if.
[00:36:36] Speaker A: Intercourse is consistently painful. If you're experiencing pain above a 3 on a 1 to 10 scale, definitely go check and talk to your doctor. This is not normal. This is not something you should be pushing through. So it's important to talk to your doctor and see, see if there's any underlying chronic medical conditions such as back pain, hip problems, uterine prolapse and irritable bowel syndrome.
[00:36:59] Speaker B: Yeah, and I'm glad you bring that up, Amy, because we don't associate those things with having intercourse. And you know, they're very much related to having intercourse. So in case you don't know, vaginal atrophy is when estrogen plummets following menopause and the vaginal lining thins, vaginal walls become less elastic and lubrication diminishes.
[00:37:26] Speaker A: These changes can result in vaginal dryness, burning or itching. And this can be exacerbated during entry, during penetration. So if you're watching on YouTube and if you're not, then go ahead and tune in. This is my vulva puppet. And the six o'clock spot right here is the spot on the entrance to the vagina. And this is the area that can become thin and painful. And often where a lot of pain with penetration can come from is right here in this area.
[00:37:57] Speaker B: So please, please, please be proactive. Do not wait for the clitoral atrophy to happen. Do not wait for your labia to disappear. Do not wait for sex to become painful. And an easy way to work with your body naturally is with nuweave. They have an entire product line and it's wonderful and it's natural and it's going to help prevent all this and help you turn your sex life around.
[00:38:26] Speaker A: So what is the difference between a lubricant and a vaginal suppository? So lubricants are used to reduce friction during sex and they provide temporary relief.
[00:38:38] Speaker B: From dryness and lubricants. You use it at the moment?
[00:38:43] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:38:43] Speaker B: Whereas suppositories like nuve are designed to moisturize and Improve the tissue quality, offering a longer lasting relief from vaginal dryness and discomfort.
[00:38:55] Speaker A: Vaginal moisturizers are also used regularly over time and this helps to add a protective barrier and this coats that vulnerable vaginal lining. Nuve has three different levels of vaginal moisturizers based on a woman's age. So definitely go check out all 72 plus reviews and see how women are using and loving Nuve.
[00:39:19] Speaker B: I guess what we're trying to say to you is that you have a lot of options. So you can use suppositories for that overall vulva health. And you can also use the Xend's award winning water based lubricant at the moment. Or you might need a longer lasting silicon based lubricant or you might need a CBD oil which can help make penetration less painful. The point is lots of options for you to have comfortable intercourse.
[00:39:52] Speaker A: So many options. But one, this is a little soapbox issue of mine, so I have to insert it here. Make sure that you aren't using lubricants to cheat. Lubricants are helpful with reducing friction and making things more comfortable, but lubricants are not creating arousal. So it will make things more comfortable, but you still need to go through the full process of arousal which can take 20 to 40 minutes. So that. But that is designed to help protect that delicate vaginal tissue and make penetration better. But just because it's wet doesn't mean that she is completely and totally ready. So that's just one thing I always like to mention.
And another great way to prevent uncomfortable intercourse is estrogen. And this comes in many different forms.
[00:40:37] Speaker B: So you can try a topical estrogen which is applied directly to the genital area. And this can help restore the natural balance of the vaginal flora and your genital tissue.
[00:40:49] Speaker A: You can rub it in just like you would rub in your skin cream. And you can get the cream and put it around the clitoral area and you can target there.
[00:40:58] Speaker B: So estrogen comes in many forms, as we discussed. It comes in a cream, it can come as a suppository, it can come as a ring that releases the hormones over three months.
And this is going to help plump up your vaginal tissue and aid in your lubrication.
[00:41:14] Speaker A: And if you are a breast cancer survivor such as myself, there is a vaginal insert called intrarosa and the FDA approved this in 2016. And this helps women who do not want to risk absorbing estrogen.
[00:41:30] Speaker B: So you might need a higher dose, meaning more than twice a week. And if estrogen alone isn't helping, then you can also add in testosterone locally on that site.
[00:41:42] Speaker A: So remember to go check out Nuve's All Natural product line and you can use our code SSP to get 5% off your next purchase and you'll find those links in the show notes so.
[00:41:55] Speaker B: I think what we've learned in this podcast is every woman experiences their perimenopausal and menopause transition in a unique way. And whilst there are some trends with the symptoms at different stages, there's no right or wrong way to experience your perimenopause or menopausal transition.
[00:42:16] Speaker A: Your journey is your journey, but with all of this knowledge that we've given you, that knowledge is power and that will empower you to be able to go through this transition with grace and strength and come out on the other side. Just like Dr. Trina.
[00:42:33] Speaker B: Yay me.
[00:42:34] Speaker A: Yay Trina.
[00:42:35] Speaker B: Yay for me.
[00:42:38] Speaker A: So here are the things that we have learned in this podcast. We discussed what are the four stages of perimenopause and how each of them will affect your sex drive and what.
[00:42:47] Speaker B: You can expect to happen to your body and to your sexual health.
[00:42:52] Speaker A: We talked about how sex can change.
[00:42:55] Speaker B: After intercourse and we and we decided that yes, your libido will get better after perimenopause.
[00:43:04] Speaker A: We also shared some great ways to prevent uncomfortable or painful intercourse as well as some things to do if it is painful.
[00:43:11] Speaker B: Yeah. So that's it for us.
[00:43:15] Speaker A: Until next time. Stay Sexy Are you struggling with lack of desire, mismatched sex drives, pain or peri or post menopausal shifts that affect your sex life? Are you craving more pleasure and passion in the bedroom but you don't know where to start? At Suburban Intimacy I offer a holistic blend of one to one coaching, educational workshops, online events and curated by a sexologist. Intimacy Products book A complimentary discovery
[email protected] and while you're there, download your five free tips for sexy scheduled sex. Want to spice things up? Save 15% off your first order at Suburban Intimacy Shop with the Code podcast.
[00:44:04] Speaker B: 15 is Good Sex on your mind, but not in your bedroom? Go to trinaread.com and check out my award winning books the Sex Course and Sex Boot Camp. While you're there, grab your free copy of Sex Boot Camp Masterclass and sign up for my Success newsletter to get weekly freebies and easy ways to help you become the juiciest, sexiest version of.
