Episode Transcript
[00:00:02] Speaker A: Welcome to the Sensational Sex Podcast, where we help women in long term relationships thrive after the honeymoon stage is over. Are you a woman who wants a deep, intimate and satisfying connection with her partner? Of course you do. Amy Rowan and Dr. Trina Reed have the answers and all you have to do is join us each week and take a small step. Soon enough you'll be that woman who effortlessly has a satisfying sex life. Follow us on social media at Sensational Sex Podcast. Share this episode, return next week, leave a review and thank you so much for subscribing. Now, let's start the show.
[00:00:49] Speaker B: Hello beautiful people. I'm Amy Rowan. Thank you for listening to the Sensational Sex Podcast. We're so happy that you're joining us.
[00:00:58] Speaker A: I'm Dr. Trina Reed. And even though your sex life will never be perfect, you can create a sex life that is perfect for you and we are here to help you with that.
[00:01:08] Speaker B: You might be scared about what your sex is going to look like on the other side of 40. And it's no wonder society tells us that women over 40 disappear and that our days of good sex and pleasure are done.
[00:01:23] Speaker A: That after 40s, our vaginas are going to dry up, our libidos are going to take a plunge, and that sex is going to hurt. Amy and I are here to tell you a little secret and that is the truth is after 40, you can experience more sensual pleasure.
[00:01:41] Speaker B: This is the time for women to step into her sexual power. It's a time in a woman's life for her sexual awakening.
[00:01:51] Speaker A: On today's podcast, we're giving you real talk on what sex on the other side of 40 looks like. Cuz Amy and I are both on the other side of fourth.
[00:01:59] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:02:00] Speaker A: Well be prepared because we are not going to sugarcoat anything.
[00:02:04] Speaker B: Nope.
You are going to learn some invaluable tools to work around the inevitable pitfalls of having sex with an aging body.
[00:02:15] Speaker A: And at the end of the podcast, you will have four ideas to help you have the best sex of your life after 40 and how this can absolutely be your sexual awakening.
[00:02:28] Speaker B: Now, a little disclaimer. We are not medical doctors. So if you're going through perimenopause or menopause, the best thing for you to do is speak to your doctor.
[00:02:38] Speaker A: Unfortunately, studies show that the majority of women are ashamed to speak to her doctor about sex sex, or on the flip side, her doctor dismisses her concerns.
[00:02:50] Speaker B: We beg you to advocate for your rights. You need to tell, not ask your doctor to help you make your life easier.
[00:02:58] Speaker A: Now to give us some inspiration, let's start out with what your sex can look like after 40. Katie Bingham Smith wrote an article for Scary Mummy called no One Told Me what Sex would look like in my 40s and we'll link to this article in the description.
[00:03:18] Speaker B: Katie writes, then I turned 40 and I'm still not sure if it was that my kids were getting older and they needed me less or if I was more accepting of myself. Maybe it was a shift of hormones or maybe it was a combination of all of those things. It didn't happen overnight, but the gradual change in how I felt about sexual sex was a huge relief to me. Whatever the reason, I was relieved to begin to feel like myself again.
[00:03:46] Speaker A: Katie goes on, I believe I needed a respite from intimacy. I wasn't feeling it at all with my kids when they were little and I wish I hadn't beat myself up so much about it. We need to normalize that. Some people have a sex drive that's non existent and it might last for months and it might last for years. Sometimes it's just part of who somebody is.
[00:04:11] Speaker B: Then Katie says, I'm 47 now and I have a bigger appetite for intimacy than I ever have and it seems to get better the older I get. I'm not saying there's a magical cure out there or that every woman will start to feel like her frisky 20something self once she hits 40.
[00:04:28] Speaker A: Katie finishes the article with but if you're where I was and starting to wonder if your desire to be intimate has shriveled up and died forever, keep the faith. Once I noticed a shift in how I was feeling, I learned to lean into it. I have more confidence and more life experience and I'm not afraid to ask for what I like while being intimate and my sex drive is better than ever.
[00:04:56] Speaker B: I have to say I am about to turn 47 myself in May and I can relate to a lot of what she is saying in this article.
[00:05:06] Speaker A: That's great. And I feel like the key to what she said in this article is at 47 she's not afraid to ask for what she wants, which is the key to her getting the sex she needs.
[00:05:19] Speaker B: Yeah, I think that it's a combination of not having little kids need you so much anymore, knowing more about what you want, being more confident to ask for it and I think just there's just a time in your life where you're still feeling pretty good, you're still feeling pretty good about your body, your sex drive is going up and you have a little bit more time and energy to be able to focus on that area of your life, for sure.
So when does a woman reach her sexual peak? And honestly, what does sexual peak even mean?
[00:05:57] Speaker A: Sexual peak refers to a period in a person's life where they experience the highest level of sexual desire, arousal, and capacity for sexual activity. So for those people who are listening, I want you to think back to your sexual peak when you've had the most satisfying sex.
[00:06:16] Speaker B: So, research suggests that women may peak in their 30s. However, there is one problem here. Women in their 30s, generally speaking, are usually in the midst of having children.
And so. And something we've talked about on this podcast is that the having kids season of a woman's life, it tends to flatline a lot of women's libidos. So where does a woman reaching her sexual peak in her 30s come from? I don't know where that research came from.
[00:06:45] Speaker A: So my good friend, she says, responsibility is not an aphrodisiac.
[00:06:51] Speaker B: Yeah.
And leaking boobs and fluctuating weight and tiny people touching you all the time. Yeah, no, that's. I would not say that was my sexual peak. Nope.
[00:07:03] Speaker A: So where this comes from is. Famous sex researcher Alfred Kinsey published the Sexual Behavior in the human female in 1953. And Dr. Kinsey interviewed tens of thousands of men and women about their sexual practices.
[00:07:21] Speaker B: And Kinsey's research suggested that women reach her sexual peak and were more likely to have regular orgasms in their 30s.
[00:07:29] Speaker A: However, researchers have questioned this conclusion because in the 1950s, there wasn't that much premarital sex, meaning it wasn't until a woman had been married and having sex for at least 10 years that she figured out her body and how sex worked.
[00:07:47] Speaker B: And I think probably in the 1950s, a lot more women were getting married in their late teens or early twenties. So that thirties sexual peak then is probably more equivalent to the forties sexual peak now. What's kind of my extrapolation from that? So. And interestingly, Kinsey's research also found that some of the most sexually active women were in their 50s and 60s.
[00:08:10] Speaker A: And that's back then.
[00:08:12] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:08:13] Speaker A: So.
[00:08:13] Speaker B: So that would be 60s and 70s now.
[00:08:15] Speaker A: Yeah. So Kinsey went on to say that a woman's sexual peak begins to increase starting in her late 20s and goes well into her mid to late 40s.
[00:08:27] Speaker B: You know, I. I think something that we talked about a second ago is having sex for at least 10 years, because it takes us time to figure out our bodies. You know, I. I think.
[00:08:39] Speaker A: And it takes Our partner time to figure out.
[00:08:42] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:08:43] Speaker A: It takes everybody time.
[00:08:45] Speaker B: Yeah, it takes, it just takes time. You know, in the beginning, I think there's so little communication in the beginning of a relationship and even the beginning of a marriage. Like you're just kind of going off of like eight animal instinct. And it's just like, we just want to have sex. We just want to bed, you know, and that's, and that's enough at that time in your life. But then once life and responsibility and kids and all those things set in, that animal kind of attraction draw, obviously that fades. And that's when you really have to learn and understand exactly how things are working. So here's the question. Is age really just a number when it comes to sex? When our moms reached menopause, it was kind of like they were just done with sex. They could just let themselves go and just be like, okay, I'm done. I don't have to worry about this anymore. Like, that's part of my life in the past.
[00:09:32] Speaker A: That's definitely my mom. She was like, done.
Don't miss it. See you later.
Yet I feel the opposite is true for our generation. So we have to work towards twice as hard to look young and be sexy and be sexual.
[00:09:52] Speaker B: You know, based on the clients that come and work with me, I would say the vast majority of them are over the age of 40. And I would certainly say that the opposite of previous generations is true there. So, you know, a common refrain that I hear so often is, you know, our kids are older or we're empty nesters and so we should be having the best sex of our lives. So how can we make that happen? You know, I think what I love now is that women and men don't want to give up on their sex lives just because of these hormonal changes and challenges. And they recognize that they can have a wonderful sex life for decades to come. Just a lot of times they don't know how to make that happen.
[00:10:32] Speaker A: Yeah. And in fact, the 2023 AARP study found that for people over 40, other types of sexual activity like masturbation and oral sex are on the rise. And another AR AARP study found that 83% of Americans aged 40 plus have erotic dreams or fantasies. And, you know, I, I feel like that's kind of a condescending thing. Well, of course we would have erotic fantasies and dreams. Like, does it stop at 30? Like, I don't understand the point. Particular research, like, we're 40 now, we can't think that way.
[00:11:10] Speaker B: Yeah, I Know that that is a odd. I mean, I'm glad to have a statistic, but yeah, it's kind of an odd thing to pinpoint, you know, and what I would say, especially around fantasies, is I think that also as we get older, we have to get a little bit more creative. Right? We have to get more creative with our sex and with our intimacy, with the things that we're doing, because otherwise it gets stale and boring, especially if you've been with the same person for a long time. So having these fantasies, you know, deciding whether or not these are things that you want to enact or you just want to keep them in your head, you know, I think that's all. That's all good. But, you know, yay. I'm glad. Glad all these people are having fantasies. Excellent.
So the Survey of Midlife Development found that 60% of women older than 60 years of age were sexually active.
[00:12:00] Speaker A: And another survey found that 22% of married women between the ages of 70 and 79 were sexually active.
[00:12:10] Speaker B: You know, I. I wish that these number were a little bit higher. I mean, I'm glad that they are where they are, but I wish they were a little bit higher. That still tells me, you know, especially 70, 79. I mean, that's almost 75. Little over 75% that have just said, okay, we're not doing this anymore.
[00:12:27] Speaker A: I've read that the reason they're at that level is because men experience erectile dysfunction.
[00:12:35] Speaker B: Sure.
[00:12:37] Speaker A: Couples feel like, well, you can't get an erection. I guess we can't have sex anymore. So sex completely drops off.
[00:12:44] Speaker B: Right.
[00:12:44] Speaker A: So there are things that you can do naturally for erectile dysfunction, like doing Kegel exercises. So, you know, women experienced vaginal atrophy and clear all atrophy, and men experience erectile dysfunction. These things prevent us from having sex. But these are also very treatable. You just have to go talk to your doctor. And I think maybe for some men, not all men, they don't want to speak to their doctor about this difficulty.
[00:13:12] Speaker B: Yeah. Well, and also what I'd say is these things prevent us from having intercourse, but when we redefine sex to include all types of pleasurable touching and things like that, again, that doesn't have to end. It's going to look different. But yeah, I think what this also speaks to is just the general discomfort, lack of education, lack of knowledge around sex and intimacy in general, of just like, okay, it doesn't get hard. Okay, I have, you know, vaginal atrophy. I guess we're done versus you know, learning and, you know, exploring some of these different solutions or learning different ways of still connecting and having pleasure together.
[00:13:50] Speaker A: And being proactive about your body. I think, you know, just think that's the key is, you know, taking care of your body. And not so. Because what we talked about at the start of this podcast is survey shows that the majority of women are not comfortable speaking to her doctor. So I this, the research that I read basically extrapolates down to 1 in 100 women are comfortable going to her doctor to talk about her sexual difficulties. So that leaves the other 99 women going on the Internet searching for answers. And, you know, those answers are not always the best answers.
[00:14:29] Speaker B: Yeah.
So next we're going to get into four ways to make sex the very best of your life in just a minute.
[00:14:39] Speaker A: So we're going to take a one minute. Make happy sex memories with a new eve Promote love moment.
[00:14:46] Speaker B: Getting the quality of your life back with a healthy vulva and happy vagina is only one click away.
[00:14:52] Speaker A: Are you a woman over 40 who finds sex uncomfortable?
[00:14:56] Speaker B: Then listen up, because we have the solution for you.
[00:15:00] Speaker A: When Dr. Renji Chang turned 55, many of her friends, co workers, and neighbors had the same crazy thing happen to their marriages.
[00:15:12] Speaker B: And no one talked about it, but everyone talked about it.
[00:15:17] Speaker A: After 25 years of happy marriage, the husband goes on a business trip to Asia and never comes home.
[00:15:25] Speaker B: Their husbands all ran away with new girlfriends.
So much pain and heartbreak. Marriages and families were broken.
[00:15:34] Speaker A: And why did this happen?
[00:15:37] Speaker B: The easy answer is that men are.
[00:15:43] Speaker A: But Dr. Renji Chang, as a scientist and a gynecologist, did not think that was the whole answer. So she dug in deeper.
[00:15:52] Speaker B: She discovered that after menopause, 30% of women experience issues that made sex so painful that it became impossible. And she found that no more sex was the first domino, and divorce was the last domino.
[00:16:07] Speaker A: Dr. Chang wanted to help save these marriages, so she invented nuve. Nuve is a natural remedy that works, using nutrients taken both orally, topically, and vaginally to nourish your tissues, promoting collagen and elasticity, and restoring your body's normal sexual functions.
[00:16:30] Speaker B: Nuve has custom formulations for dryness, painful sex, bacterial vaginosis, chronic UTIs, bladder prolapse, cytolytic vaginosis, vaginismus, aerobic vaginitis, and much more.
[00:16:48] Speaker A: If painful sex or other intimate health issues are affecting your relationship, nuleve offers a natural, effective solution.
[00:16:58] Speaker B: Order nuave today and start your journey back to a healthy, fulfilling relationship. Your body deserves it.
[00:17:06] Speaker A: And here's even better news. Our affiliate link in the description will get you a 5% discount. Simply use the code SSP and remember.
[00:17:17] Speaker B: When you take care of your vulva, she will take good care of you. And we're back with our sex iq.
So is difficulty sleeping a sign of perimenopause? A true, B, false, or C, neither?
[00:17:35] Speaker A: Well, the answer is, not surprisingly, A, it's true. About 30% of women have issues with sleep during perimenopause and often wake up several times during the night. And this can lead to irritability, poor cognition, low energy levels, and general feeling of malaise.
[00:17:55] Speaker B: Evidence suggests that lower level of estrogen are associated with poor sleep. And according to a study published in the Journal of Women's Health, common causes of sleep disruption in perimenopausal and postmenopausal women are depression, night sweats, and a history of insomnia.
So I've shared how important sleep is to me and how my whole family does not function if I am tired. So let me share what I need to sleep in perimenopause. It's kind of ridiculous. Okay, I have a bamboo side sleeping pillow with a silk, like, pillow thing on it. I have a bamboo sleep mask that has speakers on the inside of it. Then I have it hooked up to an app where I listen to 12 MHz binaural beats. That helps me fall asleep. And then I have to take 6 milligrams of melatonin and magnesium and ashwagandha and, I don't know, all kinds of other things. And these are all the things that make sure I sleep so that I can keep my family happy, it's really ridiculous, but it helps.
[00:19:03] Speaker A: Well, I just think any person who develops a sleep routine, whatever, that looks like they're doing themselves huge favor because the cumulative effect of not sleeping, like, instead of getting eight hours of sleep, maybe you only get five hours of sleep, that losing that three hours every single night accumulates. And, you know, it completely turns your world upside down. I don't know about you, but it completely turns my world upside down. So, yeah, it's bamboo sleeping masks and whatever. If it's helping you sleep and it's working, that's what you should be doing. And I feel like there should be no shame around protecting your sleep. You know, it should be a source of pride.
[00:19:48] Speaker B: Yeah, I am very protective of my sleep. I'm very grateful that my husband is very protective of my sleep. And honestly, when I found, like, again, I think so many people you have, like, Racing thoughts and things like that. You start thinking about all these things and this binaural beats thing, it just, it gives my brain something to listen to and it just calms it down and so it starts to like shudder all of the that, you know, happens in my head. So.
[00:20:15] Speaker A: But yeah, so my, when my issue is I fall asleep just like that. Like I just fall asleep, like, like always been.
But then I wake up and then I'm up. And that had, that has always haunted me during perimenopause. Menopause is, you know, it's three and I'm up. So I started going to bed at nine just to make sure that I had six hours of sleep right. And it's gotten better. Like as the perimenopause dissipated and I'm now moving into menopause, it had, has gotten better and I am getting a lot more sleep. But there were many years where 3:00, yeah, I'm up and that's, you know, I might as well just start working because I'm up and I'm not going back to sleep.
It's so frustrating.
So this is the part of the podcast where we put on our sexologist hats and give you practical ideas to create a great sex life. So we are going to get into four ways to make sex over 40 the best it can be for you.
[00:21:19] Speaker B: It is completely realistic that when a woman is in her 40s and beyond to hit her sexual stride and be a juicy, sexy woman.
[00:21:29] Speaker A: It's true. Like it does. It may not feel like it's true, but it's true. You can hit your sexual stride at 40 and it's not going to be the sex that you had when you were 20. And that's a good thing.
[00:21:41] Speaker B: That is a good thing.
Even if the brain is a woman's most important sex organ, we can't deny the role that our bodies play, especially, especially as we get older. And so we're gonna get real about aging sex.
[00:21:55] Speaker A: So the first thing on our list is you have to make the sexual mindset switch. So here's the thing that I believe throws the majority of couples off their sex game. And we touched on this just before, and that is most couples learned one way to have sex sex and that is orgasm focused, she comes first sex.
[00:22:19] Speaker B: And this type of sex is probably not going to work with your aging 40 plus body. And it's the reason that the majority of couples stop having sex. You need to be creative and you need to discuss new ways to experience pleasure.
[00:22:36] Speaker A: Now couples bristle when they hear the words, you have to be creative and discuss this, especially when it's about changing their sex patterns. Having this discussion stops couples from experiencing the best sex of their lives.
[00:22:55] Speaker B: So how can a couple who is at this crossroads make the switch from orgasm focused sex to sensuality focused sex?
[00:23:04] Speaker A: The trick is to keep a positive sex sexual mindset which will take her through the turbulence of her 40s and 50s while simultaneously opening up her sensuality. So, and we've done several podcasts on this topic if you want to go listen to those podcasts.
[00:23:23] Speaker B: And instead of having this orgasm as the goal, she comes first. Sex, it turns into exploring the body, sensuality sex. And sex has to be about rediscovering your body, the erogenous zones, and it becomes a whole three dimensional sensuality experience.
[00:23:41] Speaker A: Your new sexual mindset sees your pleasure centers around sensuality and sensuality is where your toe curling sex lives.
[00:23:54] Speaker B: So number two is embrace those workarounds. Unpredictability might be your new mantra and you need to work with with your new body instead of trying to force it to do what is no longer capable of doing.
[00:24:10] Speaker A: And it's frustrating because typically after menopause, women's libidos are going to decline. You're going to have changes in your body which will make it difficult to get aroused. You might experience uncomfortable or painful intercourse, and you may have difficulty orgasming because as we age, certain things in our bodies may not work like they used to.
[00:24:34] Speaker B: The penis and the vagina age and we have to work with our new bodies. So men may start to experience erectile dysfunction. One study of men ages 40 to 70 found that 52% experienced erectile dysfunction. But it can be as high as 99% of men.
[00:24:55] Speaker A: Yeah, I think every guy experiences that at some point in their life.
[00:24:58] Speaker B: A joke that I've always made is, you know, women, we go through childbirth and all of these things and cycles, but men, like, they go through puberty and then erectile dysfunction.
Those are their stages.
[00:25:11] Speaker A: Now, up to 85% of women will experience a dry vagina sometime in her life.
However, the occasional vaginal dryness can turn into vaginal atrophy, which looks like uncomfortable and painful intercourse.
[00:25:27] Speaker B: So the 6 o'clock spot. And if you're watching on YouTube, you can see that I've got my vulva puppet. It's the spot on the entrance to the vagina. And this area gets very thin and painful. And that's where a lot of pain from penetration can come from.
[00:25:42] Speaker A: Dyspareunia is pain during Intercourse and affects about thin 50% of postmenopausal women. And it's the most common reason why women shy away from having intercourse.
[00:25:55] Speaker B: We highly recommend that you check out our sponsor. Nuve's product line is designed to help with this. You can watch our videos where we do a deep dive into vaginal and clitoral atrophy and uncomfortable and painful sex. We will link to those videos in the show notes.
[00:26:12] Speaker A: Yeah, they're good videos, so please, please check them out. You can also try estrogen cream. So please, please do not be that woman who resists giving her vulva self care with the support from natural products like Nuve and or estrogen cream.
[00:26:30] Speaker B: Listen, if you don't wear a seatbelt in a car or if you don't wear sunscreen in Georgia, you are taking your chances.
[00:26:37] Speaker A: That's right. So be proactive and don't wait for clitoral atrophy to happen. Don't wait for your labia to disappear. Don't wait for sex to become painful.
[00:26:48] Speaker B: The bottom line is that you and your vulva have many options.
[00:26:54] Speaker A: And it's okay to speak to your doctor about it because if you go on the Internet and start looking for answers, you can get some really great answers, but then you can get some really nice answers. And you know, you might not, you might not know the difference. So just speak to your doctor. Yeah, so the third thing on our list is you need to start with a can do attitude. So we're gonna do some real talk here. Amy Nature did not intend for women to be sexually active after menopause.
[00:27:26] Speaker B: I mean, both men and women face these different hormonal changes during their 40s. And so you have to put, put additional effort into feeling pleasure before intercourse because it's not going to be as easy as it used to.
[00:27:40] Speaker A: You will face a mounting list of things that you can no longer do. And so the majority of couples focus on the one thing that they cannot do, which is intercourse.
[00:27:54] Speaker B: So all of a sudden sex can no longer be. You walk into the bedroom, you stimulate each other's hot spots, you have an orgasm and then you're done, you roll over and go to bed.
[00:28:04] Speaker A: If you want to successfully segue into great long term sex, you need to refocus from having orgasm as the goal sex to sensually experiencing each other sex. Which for me, like, it's just like a no brainer. Of course you're gonna want to have sensually experiencing each other sex.
[00:28:25] Speaker B: Yeah, there's actually a term for this, it's called Intimacy without intercourse. I w I. There is a time in every single person's life that intercourse may have to come off the table for some reason. Whether it is aging like we've been talking about. Might be someone's had surgeries. You know, there's different types of things, but that doesn't mean that intimacy and pleasure has to stop. And so, rather than focusing on the one thing that isn't on the table, you can focus on the hundreds of things that your bodies still can do.
[00:28:56] Speaker A: Yeah. And ladies, this means you need to understand what you want and let yourself have what you desire, because by this point, you've certainly earned it.
[00:29:08] Speaker B: So number four is that healthy sexuality is a balancing act. Maintaining healthy sex during and after perimenopause and menopause is a balancing act.
[00:29:22] Speaker A: Sure is. And satisfying sex depends on several things. Presence of desire, arousal, absence of pain, and an ability to reach orgasm.
[00:29:33] Speaker B: Couples do not need to have sex three times a week. It's about reframing the times that you do have sex as passionate, meaningful, and full of mutual communication.
[00:29:46] Speaker A: I'm about to say something that's very controversial. Amy, are you ready?
[00:29:50] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:29:51] Speaker A: Okay, here we go. Sex once a year that completely blows your socks off is way, way better than having sex an average of three times a month.
[00:30:01] Speaker B: I bet there's some women that are nodding their heads to this right now. Like, rather than just like, laying there and being like, are you done yet? Like, they'd rather have, like, absolutely mind blowing sex once a year.
[00:30:11] Speaker A: Meaning that it's not about the quantity, it's about the quality of the sex that you're experiencing. So in taking the focus off making sure that we have the quantity of sex into making sure that we have the quality of sex, and that's what's going to make it good and memorable. Yeah.
[00:30:29] Speaker B: You know, there's two things that stop younger women from having the sex life that works for her. And this is one, she doesn't ask for what she wants during sex.
[00:30:39] Speaker A: And number two, she doesn't know how to lean into the pleasure when her body feels good.
[00:30:44] Speaker B: So after a woman turns 40.
I love the filter that comes off after 40. It's magic. Like, it literally just happens right. At 40. You're like, I don't care anymore. I'm gonna say what I want to say. And it just becomes easier for a woman to ask for what she wants. She feels a lot more comfortable letting her body lean into the pleasure that she asked for. So why is this?
[00:31:06] Speaker A: Can I hear an amen?
[00:31:08] Speaker B: Amen. Yes, I know. I love the post 40 confidence. It's so fabulous.
[00:31:13] Speaker A: Well, I have an oxytocin theory and the theory is that when a woman turns 40, they produce less oxytocin, which is our tending and mending hormone. So instead of focusing our attention on tending and mending to others, we're starting to focus on our attention on ourselves. So that's why it becomes so much easier to start asking for our needs to be met.
[00:31:36] Speaker B: Yeah, basically we're spending less time taking care of all the small ones and we don't have to do so much energy in that direction. So now we can turn a lot of that nurturing in towards ourselves. Yay self care.
So, and there's some women and they say that they enjoy sex more in their 40s than ever before. And part of this is probably she's not overthinking things as much as they did, let's say, in their 20s.
[00:32:00] Speaker A: Plus women over 40 let go of a lot of the hang ups that she had when she was younger. Can we.
[00:32:10] Speaker B: And then you get to explore new techniques and toys and fantasies and all these different types of things that you hadn't explored before, you hadn't thought of, you didn't think you needed. Oh, I don't need a toy, I don't need that. You're like, oh, no. But this really makes things feel even better. Oh, like, yeah, actually I do need that. And guess what?
[00:32:27] Speaker A: That's okay.
Plus, if you've been with your partner for a while, you've built up a lot of trust and you both feel comfortable doing new things with each other.
[00:32:39] Speaker B: James and I had an experience. It was around our 20th. No, not our 20th. It was our 15th anniversary and we went away for a long weekend and tried a whole bunch of things that we had not never done before, things that had never crossed my mind. And he came up with all of this and it changed everything, like in the most amazing ways that like I still can't fully describe, but it just opened up this whole door of things that I just did not even know existed. And it has transformed our sex life, it's transformed our connection. It's just made things so much more, more just fun and exploratory and, and we had a, we had a good sex life before. Like I thought things, if you had asked me before, I would have said things are great. But it's, and it is that I think that trust. And he trusted me to bring some different things to me that he hadn't brought up before. And it's been fabulous.
[00:33:40] Speaker A: So was it a combination of you were 40 and and you've been together for 15 years? Like, was it that combination together?
[00:33:49] Speaker B: Yeah, I mean, I think it was just there was a confidence that came up. He was, he was able to be vulnerable enough to bring up some things that had never come up before and I was receptive and like, okay, cool, let's, let's see where this goes. I mean, I don't know. I haven't tried that before.
So yeah, I think it really was that combination of just kind of the post 40s confidence, the trust within our relationship and the fact that he was vulnerable enough to communicate something that he wanted. And that then on the flip side later on helped me be more vulnerable and start to communicate some other things that I had wanted that I never talked about.
[00:34:27] Speaker A: Yeah, that's a beautiful story. I think we all could take inspiration from that.
[00:34:33] Speaker B: So here is what we learned during today's podcast. We talked talked about women's sexual peak.
[00:34:41] Speaker A: And we also discussed is age really just a number when it comes to sex?
[00:34:46] Speaker B: We talked about how sex after 40 is not going to be the sex of your 20s. But that is a good thing. You have to make this mindset switch.
[00:34:57] Speaker A: And it starts with a can do.
[00:34:59] Speaker B: Attitude and you need to embrace these.
[00:35:03] Speaker A: Different workarounds and that healthy sex over a lifetime, especially in a long term relationship where you're having sex with the same person over and over and over time again is a balancing act.
[00:35:19] Speaker B: That is it for us.
[00:35:21] Speaker A: Until next time, stay Sexy Are you.
[00:35:26] Speaker B: Struggling with lack of desire, mismatched sex drives, pain or peri or post menopausal shifts that affect your sex life? Are you craving more pleasure and passion in the bedroom but you don't know where to start? At Suburban Intimacy, I offer a holistic blend of one to one coaching, educational workshops, online events and curated bio sexologist intimacy products. Book a complimentary discovery call at suburban and tonight intimacy.com and while you're there, download your five free tips for sexy scheduled sex. Want to Spice things up? Save 15 off your first order at suburbanintimacy shop.com with the code podcast 15.
[00:36:12] Speaker A: Is Good Sex on your mind, but not in your bedroom. Go to trina reid.com and check out my award winning books the Sex Course and Sex Boot Camp. While you're there, grab your free copy of Sex Boot Camp Masterclass and sign up for my Success newsletter to get weekly freebies and easy ways to help you become the juiciest, sexiest version of.
