[00:00:00] Speaker A: What does an orgasm feel like? This podcast we're dishing about everything Orgasm and you don't want to miss it.
[00:00:09] Speaker B: While women are asking, is there a way an orgasm should feel? Men are asking, how can I maximize her pleasure during sex?
[00:00:19] Speaker A: On this Sensational Sex Bonus podcast, we don't know the answer, but we're doing our best. We're trying to explain what a woman's orgasm feels like.
[00:00:30] Speaker B: We'll then walk you through the five stages of arousal that lead to a woman having an orgasm.
[00:00:38] Speaker A: And we had a very interesting discussion unpacking what an Orgasm feels like.
[00:00:45] Speaker B: You'll then learn the difference between a vaginal orgasm, a clitoral orgasm, and a G spot orgasm.
[00:00:53] Speaker A: Make sure to listen and follow because this podcast will give you the tools to create a sex life that is fulfilling for you.
[00:01:02] Speaker B: Welcome to the Sensational Sex Podcast where we help women in long term relationships thrive after the honeymoon stage is over. Are you a woman who wants a deep, intimate and satisfying connection with her partner? Of course you do. Amy Rowan and Dr. Trina Reeve have the answers and all you have to do is join us each week and take a small step. Soon enough you'll be that woman who effortlessly has a satisfying sex life. Follow us on social media Sensational Sex Podcast Share this episode, Return next week, leave a review and thank you so much for subscribing. Now let's start the show.
[00:01:48] Speaker A: Hello beautiful people. I'm Amy Rowan, the suburban sexologist. Thank you for listening to the Sensational Sex Podcast. We're so happy you're joining us.
[00:01:58] Speaker B: I'm Dr. Trina Reed and even though your sex life will never be perfect, you can create a sex life that is perfect for you and we're here to help you with that. It's that Time Amy month.
[00:02:09] Speaker A: We do. We don't have the answer, but we'll do our best.
[00:02:13] Speaker B: Sex Question this month we're discussing what an orgasm feels like. First, you'll learn what the stages of arousal are for a woman to climb to an orgasm.
[00:02:26] Speaker A: Then at the end of the podcast, we'll talk about the different types of orgasms, vaginal, clitoral and G spot and the best way for women to experience multiple orgasms.
[00:02:38] Speaker B: Amy, why are we doing this podcast?
[00:02:42] Speaker A: I found this Facebook video where a husband, Kales, asks his wife Steph what it feels like to have an orgasm. And at the time of the recording of this podcast, the Facebook video got over 8.1 million views and 976,000 reactions.
[00:03:00] Speaker B: That's a lot of views, which means there's a lot of curiosity. People want to know what an orgasm feels like. So let's tell everybody about the video.
[00:03:11] Speaker A: The video starts off with the husband, Kales, asking why did his wife Steph need to concentrate in order to have an orgasm.
[00:03:20] Speaker B: He also asks what she is concentrating on in order to finish her orgasm, which I think are both very good questions.
[00:03:30] Speaker A: So Steph answers, do you know when you feel that sensation, like you're building up to a sneeze? That's kind of what it feels like for a girl to o.
[00:03:41] Speaker B: Okay, Amy, I am not going to comment on how she used the word girl to describe a woman or how she used oh, because she probably couldn't say orgasm. I'm not going to say anything because listeners will inevitably roll their eyes that I'm being overly woke and sensitive using yet I'm just saying there's a reason women's sexuality is still not equal.
[00:04:07] Speaker A: Anyhow. The husband is confused about the idea about concentrating. Like you have to sneeze, but then you see it dawning on him and he says it's like you need to stare into the light in order not to sneeze, which I haven't heard before.
And.
[00:04:25] Speaker B: And Steph replies, why do you think women close their eyes? It's our way of staring.
[00:04:31] Speaker A: Her husband is still confused. Steph explains that women have to concentrate in order to orgasm.
[00:04:37] Speaker B: And this is the part that got me. Kales replies that men need to concentrate, not to orgasm.
[00:04:48] Speaker A: The inevitable yin yang opposite women's and men's sexuality.
It just, it never ends.
So if you're interested in watching this video, we'll put the link in the description.
[00:05:02] Speaker B: In all my years of doing this job, Amy, I never once thought about what an orgasm feels like. It just never occurred to me, like, what does an orgasm feel like?
[00:05:11] Speaker A: It's actually kind of a difficult thing to explain. That's why I liked this video because the way that they talked about it I thought was very interesting. And, and for me, well, I think the other thing that's interesting about this is there are so many different ways an orgasm can feel. An orgasm can be literally as. As light as a sneeze and then it can also be this whole body earthquake experience and literally everything in between. There's so many different experiences of orgasm, especially for women. I think that men's orgasmic experiences are a little bit narrower. And that's not to say that they don't have different types and experiences, but I think for us, we have a very, very wide, like, variety of different.
[00:05:59] Speaker B: Types of feelings when we're paying attention. So I think, you know, that's part of the equation, is when we're paying attention to what this orgasm experience is.
[00:06:09] Speaker A: Let's unpack this idea of what an orgasm feels. Feels like. It's a process that starts with a woman paying attention to the signs of her body.
[00:06:20] Speaker B: I believe the way to have better and more consistent orgasms is to understand the process your body is going through to get itself ready.
[00:06:30] Speaker A: Or if you're not sure whether you've had an orgasm, you need to first figure this out on your own before you can orgasm with a partner.
[00:06:38] Speaker B: The feeling of an orgasm is. Is very difficult to describe, and it is different for every person, but there are similarities for all of us.
[00:06:49] Speaker A: So there are five stages for a woman becoming aroused.
[00:06:55] Speaker B: So stage number one is a willingness to engage. When you positively anticipate having sex, you will set up your brain chemistry and meaning your sexual mindset to anticipate this is going to be a pleasurable experience.
[00:07:13] Speaker A: Stage two is the arousal phase. And this is where you make the transition from your brain and into your body as it starts to get turned on. So you might start to sweat, your nipples will start to get hard, you start to get a little bit wet. Your orgasmic platform starts to become engorged with blood.
[00:07:32] Speaker B: So stage number three is you hit a plateau. And this is where a lot of women get stuck and are not able to move into having an orgasm. If you don't have enough clitoral stimulation and, or if you have a negative mindset, like you just had a recent fight with your partner, it's going to be really difficult to move into your orgasm.
[00:07:58] Speaker A: Stage four is moving into having an orgasm. And what this feels like is different to everyone. You can feel a contraction inside your uterus, Your breath changes. You might clench your pelvic muscles, Your feet and your toes can start to curl in. Your labia becomes larger and a darker shade, and sometimes even one of the labial lips might become larger than the other.
[00:08:23] Speaker B: And stage number five is resolution. So with proper stimulation and a positive sexual mindset, some women can move into multiple orgasms.
[00:08:35] Speaker A: However, a woman's ability to experience orgasm is not consistent. Most women really struggle to compartmentalize her day so that she can focus solely on her pleasure instead. Her ability to experience an orgasm is like walking a tightrope. It can be enhanced or thrown off at any of these stages, sometimes by the tiniest things.
[00:08:59] Speaker B: Yeah. So, for example, she can think, oh my goodness, this feels really good, or she could Think, why did my partner start a fight about taking out the garbage? They're equal thoughts, but they're going to have two very different results.
[00:09:14] Speaker A: Absolutely. And you might be trying to think this feels good, but then you keep getting mad about the garbage and so frustrating because then you're mad at your. Then you get mad at yourself for being worried about that, and then now you're just so spiraling, you're no longer in your body. Yep, exactly.
[00:09:29] Speaker B: You're done.
[00:09:31] Speaker A: Yep. And that's, that's the problem. That's when we got to get back into our body. Focus on pleasurable sensations.
So another psychological factor is whether or not a woman is lubricated enough. And many women feel ashamed if she doesn't get lubricated. But we need to throw all of that ashamed nonsense into the trash. And also you can buy a lubricant like the Extends award winning lube. Just make sure that it's comfortable for you. The other thing that I feel is very important to highlight is a lubricated vagina is not necessarily an aroused vagina. So lubrication is obviously very important and helpful. But just because you're wet doesn't necessarily mean that you're already there and aroused. And that's a big, big misconception out there.
[00:10:21] Speaker B: Yeah. So for those people who don't know, the vaginal canal in a relaxed state is a collapsed tube. So once a woman becomes aroused, that collapsed tube starts to expand and become the canal. So if you're trying to have intercourse with a collapsed tube, you're like you're trying to shove something into a collapsed tube. So even though she might be wet, you're doing this with a collapsed tube and it's not as comfortable as it could possibly be.
[00:10:47] Speaker A: Yeah. And wetness literally is a protective body response. All wetness means is that a vagina can be penetrated without discomfort, but that still doesn't necessarily mean that she's aroused.
[00:11:01] Speaker B: So the list of things that can throw a woman off having an orgasm is really long. So let's not forget other psychological factors which include self esteem, body image, and attitudes towards sex, as well as trust, intimacy, and relationship length, which can all impact sex and your ability or your inability to reach an orgasm.
[00:11:29] Speaker A: The problem becomes that these psychological factors combined into one big tangled mess. And luckily, that's what we're doing here on this podcast. We're untangling this so that you can pay attention to your pleasure and your orgasm.
[00:11:46] Speaker B: So I think it's really important for people to know the stages of arousal that, you know, there is this stepping stone to getting towards your orgasm. It's not just you touch the clitoris and boom, it just happens like that. It's. So there's phases that your mind and body go through in order to get you there.
[00:12:06] Speaker A: And it's not even just a stepping stone. Like, yes, it is kind of like a staircase, but you might slide down and then you might have to climb back up again, and then you might slide again, and then you might climb up again, and then you get up and then you go over, you know, so it's not consistent, it's not predictable, it's not linear. And I think that's really important for people to understand as well. You. The most important thing this is something we as sexologists, you know, always say is if this is something you're struggling with, then it is so much easier to explore your own stages of arousal and explore experiencing an orgasm on your own without the pressure of doing this with a partner. Because that will enable you to get into your body, figure out the things that work for you, figuring out what is going to get you out of the plateau and over into orgasm, and then you can bring that into your partnered experience experiences.
[00:12:55] Speaker B: Another important piece of this is to understand what your thoughts are. So I think we take our thoughts really for granted. But if you have that fight that's sitting in the back of your mind, chances are you're not going to relax into the sex and you're probably not going to have an orgasm. It's like that little thought is going to completely derail your ability to feel. Feel pleasure, which is really unfair, but that's just the way it is.
[00:13:24] Speaker A: Well, and that's why these mindfulness activities and a lot of things that we've talked about are really important. And the more you practice these types of things outside of the bedroom, the easier it's going to be to be able to pull them in and use those tools inside the bedroom.
[00:13:39] Speaker B: Are you a woman over 40 who finds sex uncomfortable?
[00:13:44] Speaker A: Then listen up, because we have the solution for you.
[00:13:47] Speaker B: When Dr. Renji Chang turned 55, many of her friends, co workers, and neighbors had the same crazy thing happen to their marriages.
[00:13:59] Speaker A: And no one talked about it, but everyone talked about it.
[00:14:04] Speaker B: After 25 years of happy marriage, the husband goes on a business trip to Asia and never comes home.
[00:14:13] Speaker A: Their husbands all ran away with new girlfriends.
So much pain and heartbreak. Marriages and families were broken.
[00:14:22] Speaker B: And why did this happen?
[00:14:24] Speaker A: The easy answer is that men are.
[00:14:30] Speaker B: But Dr. Renji Chang, as a scientist and a gynecologist did not think that was the whole answer, so she dug in deeper.
[00:14:39] Speaker A: She discovered that after menopause, 30% of women experience issues that that made sex so painful that it became impossible. And she found that no more sex was the first domino and divorce was the last domino.
[00:14:55] Speaker B: Dr. Chang wanted to help save these marriages, so she invented nuiv. Nuave is a natural remedy that works using nutrients taken both orally, topically and vaginally to nourish your tissues, promoting collagen and elasticity, and restoring your body's normal sexual functions.
[00:15:16] Speaker A: Nuve has custom formulations for dryness, painful sex, bacterial vaginosis, chronic UTIs, bladder prolapse, cytolytic vaginosis, vaginismus, aerobic vaginitis, and much more.
[00:15:32] Speaker B: If painful sex or other intimate health issues are affecting your relationship, Nuve offers a natural, effective solution.
[00:15:42] Speaker A: Order Nuave today and start your journey back to a healthy, fulfilling relationship. Your body deserves it.
[00:15:49] Speaker B: And here's even better news. Our affiliate link in the description will get you a 5% discount. Simply use the code SSP.
[00:15:59] Speaker A: And remember, when you take care of your vulva, she will take good care of you.
[00:16:05] Speaker B: Okay, Amy, we're back. Now that we know the stages of arousal, let's dive into the different types of orgasm a woman can experience.
[00:16:15] Speaker A: So we're going to put on our sexologist hats and we're going to get a little bit orgasm technical so that you can have the proper information.
[00:16:25] Speaker B: So thank you for bearing with us as we get academic. So an orgasm is defined as a reflex experienced at the peak of sexual arousal. An orgasm is often accompanied by muscle contractions in the uterus, vagina, and anus. The other features of an orgasm, such as duration and intensity, will differ from person to person.
[00:16:52] Speaker A: And there's a big difference between how a man experiences an orgasm and how a woman experiences an orgasm. It takes a man about two to two and a half minutes to be able to go from arousal to orgasm.
[00:17:07] Speaker B: It takes an average woman 15 to 20 minutes to reach orgasm, depending on her age and her life circumstances.
[00:17:16] Speaker A: And this means that if you're trying to make her come first, you need to spend a lot of time getting her there. Unfortunately, too many women want to skip the foreplay that I always call core play, by the way, and get right to intercourse. But that is for another podcast.
[00:17:33] Speaker B: Yeah, let's just say please don't skip the foreplay. No, it's, you know, your poor little vagina. Just think about your poor little vagina. She needs some stimulation. Please go with the foreplay.
[00:17:44] Speaker A: Don't cheat yourself out of it. You are worth it. You are worth the time and effort that it takes for you to experience pleasure. Allow it to happen. Don't skip.
[00:17:54] Speaker B: Okay. Okay. That's our public service announcement. Announcement. So studies show the clitoris and vagina are a network of connected nerves and muscles. And Amy, why don't you describe the clitoral legs and external clitoris?
[00:18:09] Speaker A: Absolutely. So if you're watching the YouTube video, you can see this on the podcast. People think of the clitoris as just the tiny little part that is on the outside of the body, that is actually the tip of the iceberg to a whole network of nerve endings that actually goes all the way throughout the vulva. So if you are listening to this, I want you to imagine almost a V shape with a little.
With a little nub on the inside. And the V is the clitoral legs. These are the dorsal nerves. And then on the inside of that, there's two larger clitoral bulbs, and these full of engorgement tissue just like the inside of the penis. And so the more aroused you get, the more blood flow you get into those clitoral bulbs. And that is. And then you actually can sometimes start to physically see that in the vulva because the vulva will start to swell.
So what we think of as the clitoris as this tiny little button. Again, it is actually this whole enormous area. And we'll post a link to this picture and diagram in the show notes so that you can take a peek. So before we dive into orgasms, you know how I love to reframe language.
[00:19:25] Speaker B: Yes. That's your favorite.
[00:19:27] Speaker A: It's one of my favorite things. But it is so common. We hear orgasms, we hear reach orgasm, give orgasm, achieve orgasm. And again, it's this, this goal oriented, focused language that we're using there. And so I love saying experience orgasm versus achieve orgasm, because if you don't achieve something, then what have you done?
[00:19:50] Speaker B: You failed.
[00:19:51] Speaker A: You failed. And there's no failure here. We don't want to put it into that mindset. So just a little reframe. Notice when you hear people talking about orgasms that you're going to start to pay attention to that. So orgasms experienced through penetration alone are just one example of indirect clitoral stimulation. And this further demonstrates that vaginal orgasms aren't as plainly distinct from clitoral orgasms.
[00:20:20] Speaker B: Which may seem like we're splitting hairs. However, only 18% of women say they can climax from vaginal intercourse alone without clitoral stimulation. And that is all dependent on how the clitoris, Clitoral legs are wrapped around her vaginal canal.
[00:20:40] Speaker A: And I want to repeat that last part because there is still this myth that women easily orgasm with vaginal penetration. And it is a massive point of shame for millions of women. The Facebook group that I'm in, I would say at least twice a day, someone is posting on there about how can I have an orgasm during intercourse? Over 80% of women cannot orgasm from vaginal penetration alone.
[00:21:12] Speaker B: And so if you resemble that remark, you are not broken. You are, in fact, absolutely normal. And here's a fun fact. When you pay attention to your menstrual cycle, it's going to give you clues on your body and. And its arousal pattern. So different times of the month, you will need different types of stimulation.
[00:21:36] Speaker A: Another fun fact, when some women orgasm, her vagina can actually start to contract and pull things in.
For other women, they might actually push out.
[00:21:50] Speaker B: So if you have your partner inside of you, your vagina might bear down during the orgasm or push them out. So if you're that partner, hang on and enjoy the ride.
What do you do, Amy?
[00:22:02] Speaker A: I mean, have you ever had the experience where it's. I think it happens most frequently with doggy style, where, you know, they're thrusting and you're starting to have your orgasm and you literally push them out. Like our vagina can push out a thrusting penis, which really isn't a surprise because we also push out babies.
[00:22:19] Speaker B: So, yeah, our vaginas push out babies.
[00:22:22] Speaker A: So, I mean, what's a little penis is like.
[00:22:25] Speaker B: Nothing.
[00:22:25] Speaker A: No, come on now.
But yes, No, I have absolutely had the experience. My vagina does a lot of pushing out. So my husband has learned to work around that. And we found some pretty fun, pretty fun solutions there.
[00:22:40] Speaker B: I'm a pusher outer, too. We both are pusher outers. And we'd love to hear what you are. Are you a pusher inner or a pusher outer? Please email us@sensational sexpodcastmail.com and let us know. What do you want to hear?
[00:22:55] Speaker A: We do, you know, in. In this diagram. And again, I'm going to post the picture in the show notes so you guys can take a look. But what I think is really interesting is this is the vagina. This is the vaginal canal, and it goes here. Right here is the bladder. So this is the urethra. And so you can actually see, see this whole. The clitoral, urethra, vaginal complex. So this is the whole CUV complex.
And so you can see how tightly it interacts. If you think about it, as you're getting that stimulation and you're starting to push and bear down, that is also pushing against the clitoral bulbs, which is full of engorgement. And then that's also going to stimulate the clitoral leg. So I think that's why that is sort of part of what's happening and what's enhancing our pleasure during that time. That's my theory.
[00:23:47] Speaker B: Well, I think you're just re emphasizing why core play is so important because you're engorging that area, you're bringing more attention and stimulation and sensation to it. And suddenly I just know that every single woman I've talked to who, who has said, you know what, I've asked them, what is the best sex of your life? And inevitably it's when they were juiced up and completely into the sex. And most likely they had a fully engorged orgasmic platform and they were feeling all the wonderful sensations because they allowed themselves to have the sensuality.
[00:24:26] Speaker A: And once you allow yourself, once you say, you know what, I going to allow my body to take as long as it takes and just allow that to happen, stop questioning it, stop worrying about it and just allowing it to take as long as it takes without worry, then I would say for the vast majority of women, you are going to be able to experience those really amazing, earth shattering orgasms.
[00:24:53] Speaker B: Yeah, but it starts with sensuality. It does. With stimulating the clitoris.
[00:24:58] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:24:58] Speaker B: Does that make sense?
[00:24:59] Speaker A: Completely.
[00:25:00] Speaker B: Well, in the beginning, Amy gets it.
[00:25:03] Speaker A: Well and you know, when you go right for the clitoris, like you're, it can almost be painful sometimes, like if you're, if, if you're not there yet, it's not ready.
[00:25:12] Speaker B: As women get older and our estrogen levels decrease, we need to use lubricant as well. Our skin thickens, meaning it takes longer for our bodies to become fully aroused.
[00:25:28] Speaker A: The other thing that happens as we age is because the skin has thickened, a lot of postmenopausal women start to feel decreased sensation. So they don't have as much sensation as they did in their earlier years, which can be very frustrating.
[00:25:43] Speaker B: Yeah. And discouraging. But it's normal. It just takes longer. Or you need to bring a vibrator in or you need just increase the sensation.
[00:25:53] Speaker A: I think a beautiful opportunity that comes up in with, especially in the postmenopausal time is you have to get creative, you have to change things up a little bit, you have to do things a little bit. Differently. And that can actually be a very beautiful, fun process.
[00:26:07] Speaker B: Yeah, because sensuality is where your toe curling sex lives. And you know, if you can just get on board with the sensuality, suddenly you're having the best sex of your life in your twilight years. And isn't that something to look forward to 100%.
[00:26:21] Speaker A: And also, you don't need to wait till your twilight years either, just by the way.
[00:26:25] Speaker B: It's true. That is true. You can start that sooner. I'm just saying a lot of women feel like, you know, we're at menopause and now the door is shut and we don't have that anymore. And it's like, no, it can be the opposite of that.
[00:26:38] Speaker A: We are fully capable of experiencing pleasurable sex and intimacy as long as we choose to. As long as you recognize that it's going to look different than it did in your earlier years.
So now that we know the makeup of arousal and orgasm, let's differentiate between three different types of orgasms. And there are other ones, but we're going to focus on these three. So we're going to talk about vaginal versus clitoral versus G spot.
[00:27:09] Speaker B: So first of all, I want to be clear that only about 30% of women can have a vaginal orgasm. So vaginal orgasms are deeper whole body experiences.
[00:27:23] Speaker A: And there's this myth that for women to experience intense pleasure, the penis or the dildo has to go deep inside of her vagina. But that's not true. It's not about going deep. She's not really going to feel that much deep into the vaginal canal.
[00:27:41] Speaker B: It's about stimulating the first third of the vaginal canal, which is analogous to the penis. So if you think about the penis head that has the majority of nerve endings, the majority of nerve endings for women are in the first third of her vaginal canal.
[00:27:59] Speaker A: And so that's gonna be about the first two inches. That's where you're gonna feel most of your sensation. And you might have experienced this because you feel sensation during penetration. But you know, if you use a tampon or a disc or a menstrual cup when you have your period, you know, when you push it back far enough, you don't feel it anymore. And that's because we don't have nerve endings in that back area.
So a woman is going to get far more pleasure from rolling the hips or a toy in that first two inches, that first third of the vaginal canal while they're stimulating the clitoris.
[00:28:34] Speaker B: So this is why it's Called screwing, folks. For women, to get the maximum amount of pleasure she needs either side to side or figure 8 formation motions.
[00:28:48] Speaker A: So this is popping to mind for me. Are we saying that size doesn't matter?
[00:28:55] Speaker B: I think for a small percentage of women, penis size does matter, but for the majority of women, it really doesn't make a difference. You know, I think even though the emphasis for men is to have a rock hard, huge dick, you know, honestly, if you don't know how to make it screw and rock and roll and figure eight, you know, it's just like in and out, in and out, in and out. And I think we've all been in that place where it's the thrusting part of the sex, and you're looking at the clock thinking, okay, I've got like, five more minutes left. I've got five minutes. Oh, four more minutes left. You know, like, you're in that part of the sex where it's the thrusting and you're like, oh, well, you know. And hopefully during that part of the thrusting, the clitoris is being dealt with simultaneously. But if not, you're just laying back and waiting for it to finish.
[00:29:46] Speaker A: Yeah, I. I will say, at least my experience with vaginal orgasms. And I am. I am in that percentage of women that experiences them, but they only happen when I'm extremely, extremely aroused. So I have to be very, very aroused. And then when I am in that state, it actually happens fairly easily. And I. It happens during intercourse. But if intercourse started too soon. Absolutely not.
[00:30:11] Speaker B: I also have vaginal orgasms. I think it's terrible that we both have vaginal orgasms because it should be like 30%, it should be one third of us, but unfortunately we both have.
But for me, it's more like the time of the month.
And I haven't really figured out what that time of the month is, but I have had to have a few clitoral orgasms, and then I'm able to move into a vaginal orgasm. And they always surprise me. I'm like, oh, it's here.
Welcome. And it's a very different feeling.
It's like, it's less intense. It's just more of a body wave for me.
[00:30:56] Speaker A: Yeah, I think when it happens, for me, it's. Again, it's usually when I'm incredibly aroused. It is usually during intercourse. And so then it becomes, like, very connective and, like, very emotional. And so that's. That's really fun. And. And it is linked to time of the month for me too. For me. And, you know, I'm Pre, menopausal and perimenopausal. So for me, it's in those few days right around ovulation, that's when my body is, like, peak and primed.
[00:31:21] Speaker B: Yeah. I'm almost at a point where I give my husband the signal. Like, the signal that it's like, it's on, baby. It's on like Donkey Kong. And he's like, okay, but I. But the thing is, I just want you to know I have learned to pay attention to my body. And I think that a big part of this. Because I feel like I could easily have a vaginal orgasm and not really notice that it's there. I don't know if that makes sense to you, but it's just like. Because I'm paying attention to it. It. It's. I'm noticing it well.
[00:31:54] Speaker A: And I think that that may be also why you and I both experience vaginal orgasms. Because we are paying attention and we are focusing on the pleasurable sensations. And so we know how to get into our bodies. And, you know, all the things that we're teaching you guys are things that we're using for ourselves in our own bedroom. Does it always work? No. But does it work a lot of the time? At least for me? Yes, it absolutely does. So.
[00:32:19] Speaker B: And just the opposite, you know, I'm just going past perimenopause and fingers crossed I'm in menopause. And there have been times where we go to have intercourse and, you know, we've done everything right, and it's painful, and it's really shocking when it's painful. It's like, where. Where did that come from? Like. Like we use the lubricant. We're, you know, foreplay. Like, we're doing all the things that we're supposed to be doing. And then I get in my head, oh, my gosh, what happens if it's the same the next time? But it's not.
But it's different now. We can't have intercourse three times a day anymore because my vaginal canal just can't handle that anymore. Right. So things like, we're still having great sex, but it's changing now. And I think that's part of the dynamic with intercourse is your. The penis is changing and the vaginal canal is changing. And you have to adjust to your body's aging and changing.
[00:33:24] Speaker A: But acknowledging it, talking about it. Some people just kind of. They get embarrassed, so they just sweep it under the rug and they decide we're just going to ignore this. And then they Just stop having sex. But you don't have to if you don't want to. Sound.
[00:33:36] Speaker B: Yeah. And you know, these things are easily managed. You know, you can go to your doctor and get some testosterone. You can, if you, if you believe in that sort of thing, you can also go on hormones, estrogen and progesterone. These are things that are going to help your body overall, but also your vaginal canal. And one of the easiest things that you can do, even if you don't believe in hormones, is Kegels. If you just keep up your Kegels every day, you're gonna have a nice juicy vagina regardless of your age. You know, you don't have to be 50 to start doing your kegels. In fact, if you're 20 and you start doing your Kegels, you're set for life.
[00:34:17] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. The earlier you can start those, the better. 100%.
So the majority of women, over 80% can consistently experience a clitoral orgasm. Women report that clitoral orgasms feel more intense, but they're also more localized. And sometimes they give a bit of a bursting sensation.
[00:34:41] Speaker B: But here's a fun fact. Chances are a woman can only be multi orgasmic if she's had a clitoral orgasm to start.
[00:34:51] Speaker A: And to me, clitoral orgasms, they're kind of the warmup. And clitoral stimulation can be the accelerator. So once the clitoris is in that aroused and very sensitive state, then you know that your vulva has started to become engorged with blood.
And that is when you're going to start to approach full arousal. And if you ever find yourself stuck in that plateau part of arousal, if you're there and you're like, I just can't quite get over there, try to get over there. You know, for, for me, it's, it's, it's almost like a roller coaster. It's like you're going up, up, up. Sometimes you just get stuck at the top. It's like they hit pause and you're like, oh man, I'm stuck at the top of the roller coaster. But if you find yourself stuck there, that right type of clitoral stimulation is often what you need. That's going to send you tumbling over into the orgasm. And whether that's fingers or a toy or a tongue, any of those things can be the thing that'll get you over the hump.
[00:35:47] Speaker B: So I have a public service announcement. Men do not treat the clitoris like it's a remote control.
So men tend to want immediate stimulation on their penis and assume that women want the same. We don't. Please take your time and warm up our clothes. Clitoris.
[00:36:14] Speaker A: So moving around the different areas, exploring gently the left side, the right side, then moving off of the clitoris and moving into different areas of the vulva, and then going back and forth. There's so many different areas to explore there. And ask her, does this feel good? Are you enjoying this? Or even better, really pay attention to the cues that she's giving you, because if it's feeling good for her, she's probably. Her breath is probably going to be increasing. She may be making some different noises, and that can tell you that you are on the right track.
[00:36:49] Speaker B: Yeah, Good advice. Good advice, Amy.
[00:36:53] Speaker A: So what does a clitoral orgasm feel like for you? Trina?
[00:36:57] Speaker B: It's pretty intense, and I feel like it's like this shot of intensity. It's very different than a vaginal orgasm. It's just like I can feel my entire body tensing up. And I just remember when I was watching this Betty Dodson video, and she was like, when you orgasm, you shouldn't be tensing up. You should be trying to relax. And, like, that's gotten into my head, too, is like, you know, okay, I'm trying to. Trying not to tense up as my feet are doing, like, the. The toe clench and my feet are cramping.
But it's like. It's like a. Wow. Like, it's like, it's so intense and. And my whole body is just, like, pushing out and. And then, you know, and then it's done. And I'm really sensitive after. Like, my body's just, like, the skin and everything is just very sensitive. How about you, Amy?
[00:37:47] Speaker A: You know, I like that you talked about tension and release of tension, because the increase of tension is what is helping to build you up. And then, yes, this. Then if you're having trouble getting over. The conscious release of tension is sometimes what can get you over. You know, for me, clitoral orgasms are.
You know, I kind of like to say it's. It's almost like. I like the bursting description. And then it's almost like floating and butterflies. You know, sometimes it can be a little tickly. Sometimes it can be very, very intense.
But for me, I can find that sometimes they can be a little bit fickle, like, you're almost there, you're almost there, you're almost there. And then maybe it gets too intense, or maybe they change rhythm or change positions. Like, right as you were getting super.
[00:38:34] Speaker B: Close and you're like the worst where you're like, you're like 99% there and they're like whoop. And then you're like, no.
[00:38:42] Speaker A: You're like, no, stay. Keep doing what you're doing. Yeah, but, but you know, I've definitely experienced for clitoral orgasms are, it's really, it's the good warm up, it's getting all of the blood there, it's creating all of that engorgement. For me, it's a really good warm up into more of the full body experiences that sometimes I experience, which are really fun. Or it's the accelerator. If you're getting closer, you just want to get, get even higher.
So the G spot orgasm.
A G spot orgasm is an orgasm that occurs when the clitoris, urethra and the anterior vaginal wall are all stimulated together.
[00:39:29] Speaker B: So some women describe G spot orgasms as being more intense and deeper than other types of orgasms. And other women say G spot orgasms are less intense than, than clitoral orgasms.
[00:39:43] Speaker A: For some reason, the G spot is a controversial topic in medical literature. There is a disagreement among experts about whether or not it actually exists. And this is because a post mortem study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found no physical evidence of a G spot. But in my opinion, they wouldn't be able to find it in a cadaver because it only becomes visible and stimulatable when a woman is aroused. So I don't really think that proves anything. And I suspect the scientists that think it doesn't exist just hasn't found it yet. That's me.
[00:40:17] Speaker B: Maybe they're still looking, but I, I don't think it's a spot. So I think that's a misnomer. I believe it's the positioning of where the clitoral legs are in, in relation to the vaginal canal.
[00:40:31] Speaker A: If you think of the clitoris as a doorbell, the G spot is like the back of the doorbell. And if you are looking at the, the diagram that we have linked in the show notes, it's actually stimulating this area right here at the back. It's the connecting area of the clitoral legs and the top of the clitoris. And it's also where the clitoral bulbs are. So it's tapping on that back area and it would make a lot of sense why it's so powerful, but because it's stimulating everything all at once.
But because there is so much hype about having a G spot orgasm, there's even a procedure called G spot amplification. And that involves injecting collagen under the mucosa in the area where the G spot is thought to be.
[00:41:20] Speaker B: However, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists warn that this procedure is not safe or effective and it is not approved by the FDA or the American Medical Association.
[00:41:36] Speaker A: So let us know in the comments if you would like for us to do an entire podcast on the G spot, because it is definitely worth an entire podcast.
[00:41:45] Speaker B: So for me as a sexologist, I really hate the question, how do I have a G spot orgasm? Because chances are, if you're not in the 30% of women who can have a vaginal orgasm, you're not going to have a G spot orgasm. So, you know, I've done these G spot orgasm seminars. You know, I know the routine. And I also know that when the partners go back home and start looking for the G spot and they're doing the right motions and they're doing all the things they're supposed to do, you're not going to find the G spot. And it just, it just, I think it's very discouraging for women to feel like she can't do it. And not only is it probably not possible for you to have a G spot orgasm, there are many women who do have G spot orgasms, who don't want to have G spot orgasms, who feel uncomfortable with it. And there are another segment of women who can have a gift G spot orgasm, and their partners just want them to be like a trained seal and just do it on command and then they get resentful of, of this experience. So, like, it seems like the pinnacle to every sexual experience is having this G spot orgasm. And yet it is unattainable. And I think it sets a lot of women up for sexual failure.
[00:43:08] Speaker A: I, I can absolutely see that. And I think in all my years as a intimacy toy consultant, that was one of the biggest things that I taught about. And it was always sort of the highlight of my presentation. What I've always said is every woman has a G spot, however, you may or may not be able to find it. But I would say it's worth exploring and seeing if you can find that. But without the sole focus of, like, I'm gonna have a G spot orgasm, again, focusing on pleasure. And what I always like to highlight is a lot of people have actually found it, but they didn't realize that they had. Because if you have ever, like, had manual sensation or maybe you've been in a certain position and you felt this Sudden intense urge, like you had to pee, like you had to urinate really badly. You know, you're in the middle of sex and you're like, oh, my gosh, I gotta pee really bad. Where did that come from? And so you got out of bed and you ran to the bathroom and you tried to pee and you. Nothing came out. And the reason is because you were very aroused. And that actually cuts off the urethra. So you can't pee at that point. But what was happening is the G spot was being stimulated. So initially, when that area is being stimulated, it can feel uncomfortable.
And a lot of women, once they get in.
[00:44:29] Speaker B: I'm just gonna interrupt you.
[00:44:30] Speaker A: So.
[00:44:30] Speaker B: So I like to call this part of the G spot orgasm. You've got a B with the P.
[00:44:37] Speaker A: Oh, I like that.
[00:44:39] Speaker B: You got a B with the P.
[00:44:41] Speaker A: Okay, that's a good one. Because I think a lot of women get really, really close, and then they back off from it because it's uncomfortable. It's a weird sensation. And if you don't know what it is, then a lot of people lean away from it. And, um, so knowing that now you know, you're listening and now. And a lot of people are like, oh, yeah, that has happened to me before. And I wonder what that was all about. And it's because that arousal can create some pressure on the bladder. So if you are in bed and you're playing around and you do get that sudden urge like you need to pee, be the pee and pee with the pee, and keep doing whatever it is that you're doing, whatever that is, just keep doing that. And then oftentimes that G spot orgasm will show up. And for me, it feels like a earthquake. It just takes over your entire body. And unearthly noises sometimes come out of my mouth. Like it's. It's. It's a whole wild thing, but I enjoy it.
[00:45:51] Speaker B: I agree with you, Amy, that, you know, you might not be able to have a G spot orgasm, but looking and just leaning back into your pleasure and feeling these things can be just as fun and exciting as having a G spot orgasm.
[00:46:07] Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely.
[00:46:10] Speaker B: So one thing is for sure. Orgasms, all orgasms feel awesome. They're a stress reliever, and they're so good for our bodies.
[00:46:21] Speaker A: So here is what we've learned today.
Women need to concentrate on having an orgasm, while men need to concentrate on not having an orgasm.
[00:46:35] Speaker B: So there are five stages to a woman's orgasms, and the small smallest of things can enhance or detract from her orgasming.
[00:46:45] Speaker A: And then we then showed you a woman's clitoral legs and we broke down how an orgasm happens.
[00:46:53] Speaker B: We then discussed the difference between a vaginal, clitoral and G spot orgasm.
[00:46:59] Speaker A: And we would love to hear from you what your orgasms feel like. So so please drop a comment below or email us@sensational sexpodcastmail.com Amy Imagine what.
[00:47:12] Speaker B: This world would be like if every person had an orgasm every day.
[00:47:18] Speaker A: The world would become a really happy place.
[00:47:22] Speaker B: It really would be. That is for sure.
[00:47:26] Speaker A: That's it for us.
[00:47:27] Speaker B: Until next time, Stay Sexy on next.
[00:47:30] Speaker A: Week'S episode of the Sensational sex podcast it's 2025 people why is there still a stigma about buying a sex toy, especially for moms?
[00:47:42] Speaker B: We have so many questions that we need to answer during this podcast. First of all, what do you look for?
[00:47:50] Speaker A: How do you get started with a new toy? How do you shop discreetly? Where do you hide your sex toys? How do you shop for them?
[00:47:59] Speaker B: Then at the end of the podcast you're going to find out how to care and store your vibes, how to use them discreetly, and what you can do if your kids find your vibe.
[00:48:10] Speaker A: Are you struggling with lack of desire, mismatched sex drives, pain or peri or post menopausal shifts that affect your sex life? Are you craving more pleasure and passion in the bedroom but you don't know where to start? At Suburban Intimacy, I offer a holistic blend of one to one coaching, educational workshops, online events and curated by a sexologist. Intimacy Products book a complimentary discovery
[email protected] and while you're there, download your five free tips for sexy scheduled sex. Want to spice things up? Save 15% off your first order at suburbanintimacy shop.com with the code podcast 15.
[00:48:58] Speaker B: Is Good Sex on your mind, but not in your bedroom? Go to trina reid.com and check out my award winning books, the Sex Course and Sex Boot Camp. While you're there, grab your free copy of Sex Boot Camp Masterclass and sign up for My Success newsletter to get weekly freebies and easy ways to help you become the juiciest, sexiest version of.
