Ep. 19 Stop Faking Orgasms! Like Immediately. No, Really, Just Stop!

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Why do women fake orgasm? And why are men okay with women faking orgasms? [00:00:08] Speaker B: Ladies, when your partner asks did you come and you didn't, are you able to tell them the truth in this. [00:00:15] Speaker A: Sensational Sex podcast, episode number 19 Stop Faking Orgasms. Like immediately. No, really, just stop. We're doing a faking your orgasm in Intervention. [00:00:28] Speaker B: Are you stuck in a faking orgasm hell hole and you can't get out? We'll reveal the four reasons why women fake orgasm. [00:00:38] Speaker A: We'll then dive into the orgasm gap where heterosexual women have far fewer orgasms than men but are stuck and feel the she come first pressure to orgasm with every sexual encounter. [00:00:53] Speaker B: Then we'll walk you through an easy yet effective exercise to finally stop faking. [00:00:59] Speaker A: So make sure to listen and follow because this Sensational Sex Podcast will give you the tools to create a sex life that is fulfilling for you. Welcome to the Sensational Sex Podcast where we help women in long term relationships thrive after the honeymoon stage is over. Are you a woman who wants a deep, intimate and satisfying connection with her partner? Of course you do. Amy Rowan and Dr. Trina Reed have the answers and all you have to do is join us each week and take a small step. Soon enough you'll be that woman who effortlessly has a satisfying sex life. Follow us on social media at Sensational Sex Podcast Share this episode, Return next week, leave a review and thank you so much for subscribing. Now, let's start the show. Hello beautiful people. Thank you for listening to the Sensational Sex Podcast. We're so happy you're joining us. [00:02:01] Speaker B: Even though your sex life will never be perfect, you can create a sex life that's perfect for you and we're here to help you with that. [00:02:09] Speaker A: When your partner asks did you come and you did not, are you able to tell them the truth? [00:02:18] Speaker B: The majority of women cannot respond with Are you in the right headspace to receive information that could possibly hurt you? [00:02:27] Speaker A: And there it is in one sentence. The reason millions, maybe billions of women fake orgasm to protect their partner's egos. [00:02:40] Speaker B: And if you currently fake orgasm sometimes or a lot, it's time to climb out of this faking it hell hole. [00:02:50] Speaker A: It's time to stop teaching your partner what does not work for you while accumulating an unnecessary negative mindset that stops you from enjoying your sexual experience. [00:03:03] Speaker B: We're going to help you understand why faking orgasm is not your fault. Rather, it's the pressure on you to perform and have an orgasm with every sexual encounter. [00:03:16] Speaker A: Then we'll walk you through A stop faking orgasm exercise in the second half of this podcast. [00:03:24] Speaker B: I think that this quote from Jess C. Scott encapsulates why women fake. Now I'm just another female faking orgasms to make a man not feel so inadequate. [00:03:38] Speaker A: You know, I know I say this on every single podcast. Yet here's another example of how women put their sexual needs a distant second to make sure their partner is able to experience their satisfaction. [00:03:53] Speaker B: Faking orgasm is so common that it's a punchline in everyday mainstream culture. For example, remember the movie When Harry Met Sally? There was this infamous line, I'll have what she's having. [00:04:06] Speaker A: Yeah. And there is something fundamentally wrong when a woman pretending to enjoy her sexual pleasure is a normalized joke. [00:04:17] Speaker B: So how does this all start? Why do women fake orgasm? [00:04:24] Speaker A: Laurie Mintz is the author of Becoming Clitorate, and she wrote, studies find that between 53 and 85% of women say they faked an orgasm. They primarily fake during intercourse. Reasons given are to protect their partner's ego because they were bored or they wanted sex to end. [00:04:50] Speaker B: The she comes first and orgasm as a goal. Models taught billions of women to fake their pleasure. And the technical term for that is spectatoring. [00:05:01] Speaker A: So, in case you don't know, spectatoring is to watch yourself having sex. So you evaluate the way your body looks and scrutinize your sexual performance as good or as bad. [00:05:15] Speaker B: You give your partner the impression that you're enjoying yourself, when in fact, you're disengaged from your sexual experience. [00:05:23] Speaker A: So women spectator for many reasons. Yet the longer you're a spectator, the more detached you become from your pleasure and your body. And if it goes on too long, you can stop orgasming. [00:05:37] Speaker B: Yeah, you do not want that. And your partner certainly doesn't want you pretending to enjoy yourself. This is such a challenging one. I'm in this group on Facebook, and There are probably 100,000 women on there, and they're asking all these different questions about sex and faking orgasms comes up all the time. A comment that I read in there yesterday was, are we actually having orgasms during intercourse? Is anyone actually doing that? Because I can't. And so I just fake every time just to get it over with. And everyone was like, girl, stop faking. Girls, stop faking. And I was like, yes, girls, stop faking. And also recognizing that orgasms during intercourse are challenging for most women. Less than 8% of women experience that, which is something that Dr. Laurie Mintz talks about a lot in Becoming Clitoris, which is one of my favorite Books highly recommend that everyone read it. [00:06:35] Speaker A: Yeah. The thing I just don't understand is everybody knows that, that women are faking and yet so the women know and the men know and yet everybody's still doing it. [00:06:49] Speaker B: I think the other interesting thing is that yes, we can very easily put on a show and make a lot of noise and move around dramatically and things like that, but there are very distinct physical signs that happen when a woman has an orgasm just like a man. You know there is, there are contractions that happen inside the body. There's other things and so a partner who knows what to look for and a partner who is familiar with that, generally speaking I think should have a bit of a clue. Now I will say also it is sometimes challenging. Our bodies are very different and challenging and different things happen in, in the experience. But there are some very distinct physical cues to pay attention for to see if there is an actual orgasm happening ver vs just the the vocals that can come about with faking. [00:07:45] Speaker A: Sex therapist Dr. Laura Berman gives four reasons why women fake orgasm. [00:07:52] Speaker B: Reason number one is a woman may offer a mercy fake when her partner is invested in getting her to orgasm or, or the sex won't end until she gets there. [00:08:03] Speaker A: I think we've all been through the mercy fake. I know guilty y. Reason number two, she doesn't know how to orgasm. She hasn't learned what works for her. So orgasm is sporadic and random when her partner touches her in the right way, but she has no idea what she likes or, or how to ask for it. [00:08:28] Speaker B: Reason number three is she knows how to orgasm, but she's too self conscious or inhibited to ask for what she wants. [00:08:36] Speaker A: And reason number four is she feels shame about not being able to orgasm and is scared her partner is going to reject her. [00:08:47] Speaker B: I think these are all important reasons and they have different causes but ultimately it is, it's ultimately about protecting the ego. Right? It's protecting his ego. It's feeling like something is wrong. I've, I've read different posts. I've had people say, oh, I don't know why you can't orgasm. Because you know, when I did this to every previous partner, she was able to orgasm. And my question is, was she really or were all of those previous partners faking and teaching that guy that that was working? Because I would venture to say that that's probably what's happening there. [00:09:27] Speaker A: Yeah, I would say that even though I know faking is wrong, sometimes I'm just not in the mood and like I, I'm not having Sex against my will. But I'm having sex and it's not happening for me. And I know it's not going to happen for me and my partner. My husband is the kind of person that he just keeps going and going and going until I'm there and I'm. And I just am like, well, it's not going to happen tonight, so let's just pretend. And I don't know if that makes me a bad sexologist, but sometimes I've been caught in that trap of, this is not happening. I can't say to him in the middle of sex, this is not going to happen because that's going to hurt his feelings. So let's just pretend and no feelings get hurt. And I think that's what I'm just. I'm just trying to avoid. Not a fight, but just hurting his feelings because he can't get me there. [00:10:26] Speaker B: I think it's also important to recognize that sex can be very pleasurable without orgasm. We can experience a lot of pleasure without orgasm. And not having an orgasm every single time is okay. I. I appreciate a little bit of the predicament that both partners are in, but I'll talk specifically about men here. You know, generally speaking, I think most men know want. They want to give their partner an orgasm. They know that she should come first. They know that her needs come first. And so it comes from the right place where they're trying to do something good for their partner. But when it becomes the goal and it becomes the focus, the pressure can make it very challenging. I know in my first sexual relationship, we were together for three years and we were having sex and it was pleasurable. I thought I was having orgasms, but then I had one with another partner when we broke up. And then I was like, oh, so that's what that was. I was enjoying the sex enough at the time. I didn't know the difference until one actually happened. But there's an enjoyment of pleasure now. If she isn't having an orgasm at least some of the time, I would say maybe the majority of the time, then that's problematic. But I think having that conversation of, I really enjoyed this. I had a lot of pleasure. The orgasm didn't happen tonight. That's okay. Like, I love you. It's just. It's just where we are today and being able to just have that open communication is important. Important. [00:12:02] Speaker A: Yeah. And it's. It's. I think it's easier said than done. That's just a really hard communication. [00:12:07] Speaker B: Yeah. You and your partner deserve so much more than you resentfully waiting sex out, pretending to enjoy yourself, and then being grateful when it's finally all over. All over. [00:12:20] Speaker A: So you need to relearn how to feel your body's pleasure. And to get you there, you need to start with the following exercise. [00:12:31] Speaker B: So full disclosure, there will be awkwardness when you stop performing, but hold onto the belief of your future self deserves to have a robust desire. In that Facebook group that I was talking about, this comes up so frequently. And they are, they're faking because generally it's because they're like that. This isn't working for me. I feel like I need to be able to have, you know, an orgasm. He's trying so hard. I feel bad for him. But ultimately it usually turns inward into what's wrong with me? Why isn't this happening for me? You know? And a lot of them are like, yeah, I can give myself orgasms very easily with my toy. Or actually another one that I read recently was, she was like, I can't orgasm during intercourse, so I just fake it. And then I go to the bathroom and I finish myself off in the bathroom after he's fallen asleep. [00:13:25] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:13:25] Speaker B: And she's. [00:13:26] Speaker A: A lot of women do that in secret, so I'm glad you brought that up. [00:13:29] Speaker B: Yeah. And she's like, I need that clitoral stimulation. And I was like, well, girl, when you're having intercourse, then, you know, give yourself clitoral stimulation. Is it your hand? Is it a toy? Is it asking him to do that? Like, whatever it is, you need that. Which is really important. The fact that she knows that is a big step ahead of where a lot of women are. But let me just be abundantly clear to everyone who's listening, we need that. Like, that is how our bodies are built. So not being able to orgasm during intercourse alone, you are part of the 92% of women who need clitoral stimulation. But rather than just waiting for them to fall asleep and going, finishing off in the bathroom, unless you want to do that, and if that's what you want to do, then that's fine. But certainly in this case, this woman was feeling very guilty about that. [00:14:21] Speaker A: So I think a lot of this has to do with women in long term relationships experience a delayed sexual response. So with the she comes first model, women have one shot at orgasm, and it's generally during the phase of her body arousal where she is delayed. And so she's just catching up to her body. And by the time she catches up to her body, it's Done, the sex is done. So I feel like women have one shot to get her orgasm in and if she doesn't, she might feel like she's broken. And I, and so I think for a lot of women, they get into this habit of just skipping the foreplay because she feels like her body's broken. It's like, you know what, don't even bother with the foreplay because it's not going to work for me. And I'll just fake it through the intercourse to get this sex over with quickly. And I think when we talk about when you're a spectator and you start detaching from your body and detaching from your body and suddenly you are not able to orgasm, I mean, these are very serious issues when it comes to your lifelong sexual elf. [00:15:34] Speaker B: And the irony there is that it's creating a self fulfilling prophecy because by skipping foreplay you are all but guaranteeing that you won't experience an orgasm. [00:15:46] Speaker A: Yeah, but if you feel like your body's broken, like, you know, like I'm not, I'm not getting there. So what's the point? Like, what is the point of like trying to pleasure me when I'm just not there? And when I can't get there and I can't orgasm, I feel like a failure. Like, I understand that women are just like, no, I don't want to feel that anymore. [00:16:05] Speaker B: Sure, absolutely. And, and that's why embracing this, it's gonna take as long as it takes and I'm going to allow it to take as long as it takes. And knowing that maybe five minutes, that may be 10 minutes, that may be 30 minutes. Carving out the time so that you can feel comfortable with allowing it to take the amount of time that it takes. It's time for our sex iq. Who is better at telling if their partner is faking orgasm? A, men, B, women or C, Neither. [00:16:44] Speaker A: The short answer is not a surprise. B, women. So only 14% of women misperceived how often their partners were faking orgasms. So 6% were underperceiving, while 8% were over perceiving. [00:17:05] Speaker B: By contrast, 42% of men misperceived their wives orgasmic frequency. So 17% underestimated, while 25% overestimated. [00:17:16] Speaker A: Heterosexual men may look to factors like sound and facial expressions as signs of orgasm and make assumptions based on them. [00:17:26] Speaker B: Going back into the Harry Met Sally, you know, movie, you know that? [00:17:30] Speaker A: Yes, yes. [00:17:31] Speaker B: You know, like we can, we can make things incredibly, incredibly dramatic and convincing, but there are just like, when minimal orgasm like the butt cheek start to clench, eyes roll back in his head. You know, the balls go right up next to the body. Like there are very distinct physical signs that happen during an orgasm. And those also happen when women experience orgasm too. [00:17:53] Speaker A: They do, but I also think women's orgasms are a lot more subtle. And I think porn has really raised the bar as far as all the things that men expect women to do while they're orgasming. So I feel like women feel that pressure to really put on a performance. I've seen documentaries where women are masturbating and having an orgasm and their orgasm is really quiet and self reflecting. This, you know, putting on that big performance is not necessarily how the majority of women tend to orgasm, but we're doing it just to be emotive and show our pleasure to our partners. So I feel like if women are under the gun to look in a certain way and perform in a certain way, otherwise she might be perceived as sexually inadequate. [00:18:44] Speaker B: I did have a client that came to me. She was a younger woman and she was in a new relationship after getting out of a very long term relationship. And she wanted to learn how to be more vocal during sex because her perception was that her boyfriend wanted her to be more vocal during sex. But it didn't, it didn't feel natural to her. She felt, because it wasn't, it wasn't how she expressed herself when she was experiencing orgasms. And so we, we had to really talk through that of why did she feel like she needed to be more vocal during sex? If this is something that he was asking for, you know, where were these perceptions coming from? And of course it's coming from porn and that, you know, these women are having these very fast, five minute, dramatic, screaming, yelling orgasms. When an orgasm can be, you know, it can almost feel like a little bit of a sneeze up to yes, the, you know, mattress shaking, you know, body, entire body orgasms. But there's such an enormous range of what happens there. And then I think it's also important to acknowledge that men fake orgasm too. They, they do need to do that. James told me in a past relationship he had faked an orgasm with. It was a relationship that was, it was just about over and he, it just wasn't happening and he just faked it just to. He, he was done, he was done with it. And, and I thought that was very brave of him to share because I think that men can. Men feel a lot of performance pressure as well. It comes from a different place. [00:20:22] Speaker A: Yeah, I think That's a really good point, is we talk about women faking, but men fake as well. And there's no sympathy for the men who are faking. [00:20:32] Speaker B: Yeah, you should just be able to have your orgasm. Why can't you have your orgasm? Like, come on, like, it's so easy for you. And that's not always the case. Like, yes, it is easier, but that's not always the case. So I think it's important to acknowledge the psychological impact and relationship impact and there are physiological things that can play into that as well. [00:20:50] Speaker A: So it's true that both partners probably have faked at one point in time. And it's, it's just whether you have perceived it or misperceived it, you know. So this is the part of the podcast where we put on our sexologist hats and give you concrete and practical tools to help your sexual situation. [00:21:10] Speaker B: We're going to walk you through how to stop faking your orgasm. And there are two parts to this faking orgasm exercise. The first part is becoming aware of your faking habits. And the second part is turning that habit into getting back into your body's arousal. [00:21:31] Speaker A: So part number one is to think about when you're having sex and you transition from being a participator into being a spectator. And when you start being a spectator, you need to narrate your behavior as if you're disappointed describing a character in a play. [00:21:53] Speaker B: Here's an example. Jane is lying in bed. She is not turned on, but doesn't know how to tell her partner. The way her partner is stimulating her clitoris doesn't feel good. Instead of saying something, she pretends to enjoy it. [00:22:08] Speaker A: Or you could narrate it by saying, Jane's partner is thrusting and she is bored, but puts on an Academy Award award winning performance to get the sex over with quickly. [00:22:22] Speaker B: By doing this, you notice you're faking patterns in real time. And often seeing yourself from the outside can lead to an instant breakthrough. [00:22:32] Speaker A: Yeah, I really like this idea of, you know, when you, when you know that you're being a spectator and all of a sudden you are narrating the things that are happening to you as they're happening to, to you, all of a sudden you start to become a lot more self aware of what's happening in that situation. Because I think when we go into spectator mode, we're thinking about our grocery list, we're thinking about the TV show we like, we're thinking about the work that needs to be done, but we're not thinking about what's happening to our pleasure. And if we're thinking about it it's usually in terms of oh, this sucks, this is terrible. I really hate, hate what's going on. So this is really shifting your mindset to see this is what's happening to my body right now and I'm saying it in real time. Does that make sense? Yeah. [00:23:23] Speaker B: And I think it's important to just the awareness that you are spectatoring. So I'm aware that this is what I'm doing but I'm going to tune in to the experience and, and why I'm feeling disconnected and I'm feeling disconnected because I'm not enjoying it or I'm feeling disconnected because this doesn't feel good to me or I'm feeling disconnected because I'm really tired and it's already 11 o'clock and I know I got to be up at 6am and I just want this over with. So I'm just going to make a big huge production so I can go to bed again. Once you have that awareness, then as we've talked about before, you can start to make a different choice. [00:24:00] Speaker A: Yeah, but I, and I also think it's taking, taking responsibility. So it's, you know, like you're, you want to get the sex over with quickly because you want to go to sleep or you want to read your book and you know like so you're doing this just so you're taking responsibility for faking. And I think that's a big piece of the puzzle too. It's like, you know what? I'm actually taking ownership of why I'm doing this. [00:24:22] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:24:23] Speaker A: So part two of this exercise is to rewrite this into something that you want. For example, the next part of your. [00:24:30] Speaker B: Story could be Jane tells her partner how to stimulate her clitoris in a way that makes her feel good. [00:24:38] Speaker A: Or Jane tells a partner she needs clitoral stimulation, not just thrusting to orgasm during intercourse. [00:24:48] Speaker B: I mean here Jane saying this is what I need. Jane is either touching her own clitoris, she's grabbing a toy and saying this is going to make this feel better for me. This is going to help me get there. It's an uncomfortable moment, asking for what you want. But when you know that that's what you need, then making that jump is so important. [00:25:12] Speaker A: It is important. This is such a tricky subject that I wrote about it in my self help fiction the Sex Course. So one of the characters, Claire, she fakes orgasm because she feels inadequate about how she orgasms and she doesn't know how to Tell her boyfriend Carlos what he's doing doesn't work for her. And I think that is a very familiar thing for a lot of women. We can't say to our partners, I need you to, to touch my clitoris or I need you to rub my, I need you to do this or I need to bring a toy in or I need to be pleasuring myself. Women just aren't able to have that conversation. Although this was incredibly hard to write. I wrote it so to show women how to stop faking orgasm. Even when you're super busy and you don't know how to. [00:26:04] Speaker B: I wonder if I hear a little bit of Claire in you, Trina, perhaps just wondering. [00:26:10] Speaker A: Oh, just maybe. [00:26:14] Speaker B: So when you do something, anything different to change your faking orgasms, you need to celebrate your achievement. [00:26:24] Speaker A: Absolutely. Because in this moment you are going to need all the self encouragement you can get. Because when you stop faking, it is going to be an awkward and bumpy ride. So. So please, when you follow through, celebrate. [00:26:41] Speaker B: Your breakthrough, make sure to give yourself a lot of positive reinforcement as you reprogram your brain's responses. You are no longer faking. And that is a big frickin deal. [00:26:55] Speaker A: It is a big deal. And hang in there because in the not so distant future you are going to be back in your body experiencing your much deserved pleasure. So I think the hardest thing about stopping faking orgasm is you're shifting the patterns of, you know, your partner does this to you and you react in this way. And so your partner starts doing the thing that they always did to you that got this response from you. And now all of a sudden you're not responding the way you used to and your partner's like, hey, what's going on? And you can't have the conversation of, well, you know, I've just decided, decided that I'm, I'm stopping this. I'm not, not gonna have, I'm not gonna fake orgasm anymore. I'm gonna do things differently. So if you have the gonads to have this conversation outside the, the bedroom to say I did this, I'm going to do this differently. But I don't know many human beings who can have that conversation. I think the best thing to do is just ride this awkwardness out. And that's the best sex advice I can give to you. I'm sorry, I wish I could make this better sex advice. But when you ride out that awkwardness on the other side of it is going to be your body's pleasure. [00:28:11] Speaker B: You know, I think there's also something we can lean into as women. And all of the changes that our body goes through, pregnancy, breastfeeding, postpartum, perimenopause, all of this. And you can almost lean into that as an excuse. Like, babe, I've noticed that there's some things changing with my body because of whatever it is that's happening currently in your life. And it's. It's making it a little bit more difficult for me to experience an orgasm. And I've decided that I'm just going to allow it to take as long as it takes. I've learned that I need some clitoral stimulation, so I might be doing something. And you don't have to be that specific. Of course. These things roll off of our tongues very easily. But it might just be. You might notice that I'm changing the way that I respond in the bedroom because I'm really trying to get in touch with my body's pleasure. And I want to reassure you that I am enjoying the experience that we're having, even if I am not experiencing an orgasm or it's taking that orgasm longer than it did in the past past or. [00:29:19] Speaker A: And also, you can have your partner listen to this podcast with you, and it's going to be a real cringy listening to it together, and maybe a good conversation can come out of it. So another question that you might have is how long is it going to take before you move out of faking orgasm and back into your body? And I think that depends on how long you've been faking and. Or if you're able to give your partner some feedback. So there's a lot of moving parts to how long this is going to take for you to move from not faking into being your authentic self. [00:29:57] Speaker B: And I think that it's also, this is a great opportunity to bring in toy or an arousal gel or something like that, but bringing in something to help enhance that pleasure, change that pleasure. That's what these products are designed to do. And so introducing something to help that, if anything, just to help you focus in, whether you're focusing on tingling, you're focusing on warmth or vibration, when your brain starts to wander off, when you start to worry about all these things. Sensate therapy is focus on pressure, focus on temperature, focus on focusing in on your pleasurable sensations, just focusing in on what you're feeling in your body, that right there is a really important step to ultimately starting to really connect, reconnect with your body and with your pleasure. [00:30:49] Speaker A: And I think a reasonable Conversation that you can have with your partner. I don't know if having the I'm faking orgasm is a productive conversation to have with your partner. Partner, I would go against that conversation. But a conversation that you can have with your partner is I can't always orgasm with every sexual experience. So sometimes I will be able to and other times I won't be able to. And I just don't want to feel the pressure to have to orgasm every single time. And I think most partners would understand that. Complications conversation. [00:31:27] Speaker B: Yes. Because I think men also feel pressure. They feel pressure to perform and, and the pressure to perform can prevent the performance. You know, that's what can ultimately kind of shut things down. So again, just acknowledging I'm, I'm experiencing pleasure, I'm enjoying this experience with you, and let's just lean into that. If the orgasm comes, pun intended, fantastic. And if it doesn't, that night, for whatever reason, then just knowing that that's okay. But I'm not going to fake, I'm not going to pretend like something happened that didn't really happen. If you are hearing yourself in the things that we're talking about, if you're someone that has faked in the past. [00:32:11] Speaker A: We've all faked. [00:32:12] Speaker B: Yes. So no judgment 100%. We absolutely have all faked totally. So if this is you in the past, if this is you now, we would love to hear your story. We would love to hear what's going on. We'd love to hear how you overcame this or we would love to hear that this was a current challenge that you're having and perhaps how some of what we talked about today might be changing the way that you're thinking or experiencing things. [00:32:36] Speaker A: Yeah, send us an email. [00:32:38] Speaker B: We'd love to hear Sensational sexpodcastmail. So we talked about a lot today. We talked about why women fake orgasm. [00:32:48] Speaker A: And how the she comes first orgasm model sets women up to fake her pleasure. [00:32:54] Speaker B: If you fake your pleasure too often, you become a spectator to your pleasure, unattached from your body's arousal and pleasure. And you will eventually stop orgasming. [00:33:07] Speaker A: Yeah, that's bad. We then walked you through what you can do to get out of that fake faking hellhole and back into your body. [00:33:17] Speaker B: And the two part faking orgasm exercise, the first part is becoming aware of your faking habits and the second part is turning that habit into getting back into your body's arousal. [00:33:32] Speaker A: So it's going to take you some time and there's most likely going to be some awkwardness and Your pleasure is so worth all of this effort, so just remember what's on the other side of you stopping faking orgasm. [00:33:50] Speaker B: That's it for us. [00:33:52] Speaker A: Until next time. [00:33:54] Speaker B: Stay sexy on next week's episode of the Sensational Sex Podcast have you ever wondered why so many women lose interest in sex once she's been in a relationship for a while? [00:34:06] Speaker A: The short answer is orgasm focused. She comes first. Sex sets too many women up for sexual failure and she feels broken. [00:34:18] Speaker B: In this Sensational sex podcast episode 20 why are women trying to orgasm like men? We're going to untangle how we came to believe orgasm is our only option during sex. [00:34:31] Speaker A: Research shows persistent low sexual desire in women is heavily associated with orgasm as the goal focus sex and we'll explain why. [00:34:41] Speaker B: It's not the orgasm, it's the expectation what women can do to change this orgasm as the goal mindset to cultivate her robust sexual desire. [00:34:53] Speaker A: We'll then walk you through how you can tap into your pleasure spectrum that will open up your sensual and and sexual experience. [00:35:03] Speaker B: Make sure to listen and follow because this podcast will give you the tools to create a sex life that is fulfilling for you. Are you struggling with lack of desire, mismatched sex drives, pain or peri or post menopausal shifts that affect your sex life? Are you craving more pleasure and passion in the bedroom but you don't know where to start? At Suburban Intimacy, I offer a holistic blend of one to one coaching, educational workshops, online events and curated by a sexologist. Intimacy Products book a complimentary discovery [email protected] and while you're there, download your five free tips for sexy scheduled sex. Want to spice things up? Save 15% off your first order at suburbanintimacy shop.com with the code podcast 15. [00:35:59] Speaker A: Is Good Sex on your mind, but not in your bedroom? Go to trina reid.com and check out my award winning books, the Sex Course and Sex Boot Camp. While you're there, grab your free copy of Sex Boot Camp Masterclass and sign up for My Success newsletter to get weekly freebies and easy ways to help you become the juiciest, sexiest version of.