[00:00:00] Speaker A: In this episode, you'll find out why you and your sexual happiness are worth the effort of confronting any negative emotion in order for you to move beyond them.
[00:00:10] Speaker B: Society dictates to women every day that she can't like sex too much or too little, that she needs to like sex just the right amount. But how much is the right amount?
[00:00:22] Speaker A: We're also going to discuss a common shame that women have that's vaginal farts and what you can do to overcome feeling ashamed. If anything like that happens, make sure.
[00:00:36] Speaker B: To listen because this podcast will give you the tools to create a sex life that is fulfilling for you.
[00:00:42] Speaker A: Welcome to the sensational sex podcast where we help women in long term relationships thrive after the honeymoon stage is over.
Are you a woman who wants a deep, intimate and satisfying connection with her partner? Of course you do.
Amy Rowan and doctor Trina Reid have the answers and all you have to do is join us each week.
Soon you'll be that woman who effortlessly has a satisfying sex life.
Follow us on social media at sensationalsexpodcast share this episode leave a review and thank you for subscribing. Now let's start the show.
[00:01:29] Speaker B: We are thrilled to partner with Xen's who are all about making your sensual experience the best that it can be.
[00:01:36] Speaker A: You need to take your makeout sessions to the next level and we're going to tell you all about Xen's luxurious hot kiss arousal lip gels halfway through this podcast.
[00:01:49] Speaker B: We love what xcens is doing for your sensual and sexual experience, so make.
[00:01:55] Speaker A: Sure to check them out at Xens dash uSa.com.
[00:02:02] Speaker B: That'S ex sens Dash uSa.com. and now back to the show.
[00:02:08] Speaker A: Hello, beautiful people. I'm doctor Trina Reid and thank you for listening to the sensational sex podcast. We're so happy you're joining us.
[00:02:18] Speaker B: I'm Amy Rowan, the suburban sexologist. And even though your sex life will never be perfect, you can create a sex life that's perfect for you. And we are here to help you with that.
[00:02:28] Speaker A: Hey Amy, nice t shirt.
[00:02:32] Speaker B: Thanks. I like your t shirt too.
[00:02:35] Speaker A: Thank you.
[00:02:35] Speaker B: Wait, do you have a coffee mug? I want a coffee mug.
[00:02:41] Speaker A: I have a coffee mug.
[00:02:43] Speaker B: That's so cute. I love it.
[00:02:45] Speaker A: Amy, why does every listener need a motivate me t shirt and coffee mug?
[00:02:54] Speaker B: Well, this is an easy way for you to learn and remember to initiate sex and ask for what you want. The motivate me t shirt is like a swiss army knife. It's an easy way to initiate sex, communicate, ask for what you want. Just imagine what your partner would say when they saw you wearing this.
[00:03:16] Speaker A: I know what my partner would say.
[00:03:19] Speaker B: Say, let's go upstairs. I'm ready to go.
[00:03:23] Speaker A: So if you want your very own motivate me t shirt and coffee mug, you're in luck because we're doing a limited sale from November 11 to 25th. So go to our website since sensationalsexpodcast.com to find out more details.
[00:03:41] Speaker B: This sounds like a perfect opportunity to grab a little stocking stuffer or something in honor of those Black Friday sales.
[00:03:50] Speaker A: Let us know if you want motivate me panties, because we can make those for you too.
[00:03:55] Speaker B: Absolutely. We can put motivate me on anything you want. So if you've got requests, we want to hear them. Make sure you email us at
[email protected].
so I've got some other exciting news.
[00:04:11] Speaker A: Of sorts, even more exciting than the motivate me t shirt.
[00:04:14] Speaker B: I don't think that there's anything more exciting than motivate me t shirts, but this is very close. The Wednesday before Halloween is free vibrator day. I mean, who made up this holiday? People who want free vibrators. Does that mean we can just walk into any sex shop and pick up a vibe of our choice?
[00:04:32] Speaker A: Now that would be amazing. And speaking of vibes, how many women experience shame immediately after masturbating? Ooh, ouch.
[00:04:44] Speaker B: Well, that was a little clunky, but it does segue us into today's topic, which is sexual shame. And it's really important to dig into what stops you from moving forward into relaxing into your sexual pleasure.
[00:05:02] Speaker A: Yeah, so sexual shame is not a sexy topic. But if you want to experience more fun and laughter in the bedroom, you need to understand how sexual shame is short circuiting your sexual experience.
[00:05:16] Speaker B: And we're going to give you an example of a sexual shame that you've probably experienced during sex.
Vaginal farts, queefing something.
[00:05:28] Speaker A: That's a good example.
[00:05:29] Speaker B: It's a great example because it's happened to everyone.
It is embarrassing to almost everybody when it happens. And I think this is a great example. And we are also going to give you three ways that you can manage your sexual shame at the end of this podcast.
[00:05:47] Speaker A: So let's start at the start. What is sexual shame?
[00:05:53] Speaker B: Sexual shame is feeling wrong or bad about your sex, about your feelings, your desires. We aren't born feeling sexually ashamed. Rather, it's learned from a lifetime of negative messages, judgments, or poor education.
[00:06:10] Speaker A: Yeah, and we believe something is wrong with us. And we fear our partner is going to reject us, and so we keep all of this shame a secret.
[00:06:19] Speaker B: And the root of shame centers on not feeling worthy enough to have a healthy sexual connection.
[00:06:27] Speaker A: You know, a lot of times we aren't able to recognize what we are experiencing is shameful feeling, or you aren't able to describe what your shame is. And unfortunately, this often leads to blaming other parts of your sex life or your partner.
[00:06:45] Speaker B: Society dictates to women every single day that she can't like sex too much or too little. She needs to like sex just the right amount. But how much is the right amount?
[00:06:58] Speaker A: Spoiler alert. The average woman is never going to get her sexuality right, meaning she will experience shame no matter what choice she makes. Amy, that sounds like a really big mountain women need to climb.
[00:07:14] Speaker B: It sounds like a big mountain, but really, it isn't. One of the first things that I do with all of my clients in coaching, because shame is, to your point, shame is a piece of every single person that comes to work with me. And what we do is we identify what these shames are, and then we reframe them. And that is how you start to turn this around and take that giant mountain and turn it into a molehill.
[00:07:44] Speaker A: Yeah. And I think it's. I think it's good to know, like, we feel like we're the only ones who are experiencing this sexual shame when every single person has sexual shame. And I feel like the more we can talk about it, the less people will experience this. So even though it's really hard to talk about the things that we feel ashamed about, it's one of the only ways that you can let go of that sexual shame.
[00:08:17] Speaker B: Yeah. Shame is such a deep, negative emotion that affects every part of our lives. Do you know Brene Brown?
[00:08:27] Speaker A: Yes. I love who doesn't know Brene Brown? Everybody knows Brene Brown.
[00:08:32] Speaker B: She has the most incredible talk about shame. In fact, I'll go ahead and put it in the show notes for this. But shining a light on it, being aware of the things that you're ashamed of and then talking about them, because once you bring things out into the light, they don't stand up anymore. Because once you discuss it, once you're aware of them, once you discuss it with the appropriate person, maybe it's your partner, maybe it's a therapist, maybe it's your best friend. But that, that will help you learn to dispel that and remove it and move out of those feelings.
[00:09:06] Speaker A: Sexual self confidence, a big component is recognizing that you will always have negative emotions, but you can overcome them. So that's, you know, taking that lead of, you know what, nobody wants to dig in. Nobody wants to delve into their shame. And if I do, I'm going to come out the other side a lot more confident.
[00:09:27] Speaker B: Yeah, you know, the good news is that you can overcome your sexual shame. And our podcast series, this is dedicated to helping your sexual confidence. So let's discuss what you're up against so that you know what you're looking for, and then you can start to manage it.
[00:09:46] Speaker A: Your emotional response to sexual shame short circuits and confuses how you understand your sexual desires. You might feel trapped, powerless, and isolated.
[00:10:01] Speaker B: You probably haven't paid a whole lot of attention to the thoughts that you have before, during, and after sex.
But now that you're aware and you're starting to keep track, you might be surprised about how many of your thoughts about the start to finish sexual experience are negative.
[00:10:19] Speaker A: This makes perfect sense, because guilt, shame, resentment, and anxiety have been your constant companions throughout your life.
[00:10:28] Speaker B: When you wrote your sex history from last week's podcast, and if you didn't have a chance to listen to that one, I would definitely go back and listen to number eight.
When you wrote out that sex history, did you identify a few memories that maybe made you feel a little embarrassed or squeamish?
[00:10:48] Speaker A: Yeah. And at the core of each of those memories is probably shame, which is most likely the reason you can't let go and fully experience your pleasure. We're going to give you a list of typical shames women feel, and I want you to identify at least one. Then I want you to take this sexual shame you've identified to the end of the podcast and work through with us how to manage this sexual shame.
[00:11:15] Speaker B: So, typical shame number one, do you find that you are very uncomfortable discussing sex? Do you feel distressed? Do you want to leave? Do you try to change the topic? Do you squirm when you're watching sex scenes in the movies?
[00:11:32] Speaker A: I remember when I was a teenager, I was watching something. It wasn't even a sex scene, it was just a kissing scene. But my dad was in the room, and it was just so awkward. And I just remember feeling that shame of it was just weird. Did no one ever talk to you about sex? If talking about sex was never normalized, of course it's difficult to communicate about your body and sexual needs. So instead you use euphemisms or vague language, like down there.
[00:12:02] Speaker B: I would certainly say that the vast majority of my clients. I ask, what messages did you receive about sex? Growing up. And the vast majority of them say nobody talked about it, it just was not spoken about. And the lack of messages also creates an imprint in your brain because that tells you that we can't talk about this, we shouldn't talk about this, and that creates shame. Are you insecure? Many of us are concerned about being wanted, loved, accepted and judged. And even when your partner validates and supports you, it's probably not enough. It doesn't matter how many compliments you receive. This is you not feeling worthy of love and connection.
[00:12:43] Speaker A: Do you make yourself small or try to disappear? Do you avoid eye contact, hunching your shoulders, crossing your arms, and generally trying to appear smaller? These are common postures when we're feeling.
[00:12:59] Speaker B: Shame, do you refuse to be nude? Too many women don't want to undress or be naked in front of their partner, or even sometimes in front of the mirror. Some people need to have the lights off during sex.
[00:13:14] Speaker A: Do you feel pressured to meet your partner's expectations? Now, we all agree that consent is an important part of sex. It's problematic when you don't feel like you can say no to sex and maintain a peaceful relationship. Or do you feel pressure to perform sex with your partner?
[00:13:35] Speaker B: Are you uncomfortable with the sounds that happen during sex? Sex can be noisy, showing our pleasure with moans, when bodies make a noise, with fluids moving around, is that something that makes you really uncomfortable?
[00:13:51] Speaker A: Do you have post masturbation guilt? Or avoid masturbating because you just don't want the shame and guilt associated with it? So self pleasuring brings up a lot of uncomfortable feelings.
[00:14:06] Speaker B: Avoidance is the most common way that we deal with shame. We avoid shameful feelings to cope. So we avoid whatever activity or whatever is going on that creates that shame.
Shame is a self serving emotion. It is intent on you staying quiet and wants you to keep your fears locked up tight and stuck in a perpetual loop of sexual dissatisfaction.
[00:14:33] Speaker A: I just don't know why we put up with this. So avoidance means you have trouble acknowledging feelings and difficulty being vulnerable. And I want everybody to remember, vulnerability is the gateway to your emotional intimacy, sensuality, and leaning into your pleasure.
[00:14:51] Speaker B: So avoiding dealing with our sexual shame. You know, how have you seen this show up?
[00:14:58] Speaker A: I've just seen too many women completely repress who she is and not let go in the bedroom. There's just so much fear. If she lets go and she really shows who she is in the bedroom, she will be rejected. And I feel it's so ironic and sad because what our partners want us to do is, you know, let our freak flag fly. Let go. And like, a good example of this is I've met several women who know how to g spot orgasm, but they don't want to g spot orgasm in front of their partner because there's the gushing of her ejaculating and she's very self conscious about this ejaculation. And let me tell you, men love to see things spurting out of orifices.
[00:15:43] Speaker B: They are absolutely.
[00:15:44] Speaker A: They get off on that stuff. So we're so uptight about not letting ourselves ejaculate. But this is. This is the money shot. This is the thing that many men want to see. So I just. I don't understand the disconnect between women unable to let go and our partners wanting us to let go. Where is that line? And why is there that disconnect?
[00:16:08] Speaker B: Yeah, I had a client in the past, and she came to me because her partner had asked her and said, I want you to moan during sex. I want you to make more noises during sex. And she said, amy, I just feel embarrassed. But she interpreted that as she had to sound like a porn star. She's like, I'm not going to scream like a porn star. And I said, no, you shouldn't scream like a porn star unless those are the natural noises that are coming out of you. But let's be honest. We all know that porn is not real, that those people are paid actors and they are absolutely exaggerating for the camera. I said, I think what your partner is really asking for is for you to allow yourself to express the moans of pleasure that naturally come out of you. And if they're soft, then they're soft. If they're loud, then they're loud. And ultimately, as we continued to work together, what we discovered is that she's not necessarily a very vocal person, but the way that she started to express that, that felt natural for her was grabbing. She's like, when I'm really into it, I like to grab on and I was like. And that is giving him the messages that you're enjoying yourself. And I was like, and so lean into that. You know, you don't have to do the moans if that doesn't feel naturally for you. And. And so she was able to overcome that shame of, like, not being able to sound like a porn star.
[00:17:37] Speaker A: And what I like about your example, Amy, is it's being authentic to yourself and not trying to be somebody else. So if you're not a moaner, don't moan. But if you're a grabber, grab. Like grab. Go for it, you know? But be yourself because that's what's going to help you lean into your pleasure. So I want everybody to repeat after me. You and your sexual happiness are worth the effort of confronting any negative emotion in order for you to move beyond them.
[00:18:08] Speaker B: And we'll be right back. Hey men, are you tired of having the same old boring sex?
[00:18:17] Speaker A: For those guys wanting their partners to be more interested in sex, listen up.
[00:18:23] Speaker B: I'm Amy Rowan, the suburban sexologist.
[00:18:26] Speaker A: And I'm doctor Trina Reid. And women in long term relationships are a lot more likely to lose interest in sex because of the type of sex she's having. When you change the sex, chances are her sexual interest will increase.
[00:18:42] Speaker B: Tip number one, she wants something different, but she doesn't know what it is. Women want to orgasm but need it to be part of an overall experience. However, women have never been asked what she wants from sex outside of an orgasm.
[00:18:58] Speaker A: Tip number two, she is unable to tell you she wants something different from sex. The one thing stopping most women from getting her sexual groove is an inability to tell you what she wants. Please let her know that you are open to this conversation.
[00:19:18] Speaker B: Tip number three, there are a lot of physical and mental roadblocks that are getting in the way of her sexual desire. Chances are, when sex is initiated, she will not want sex. She needs to put her body into the motion and hope that her sexual desire catches is up. FYI, women can orgasm without feeling sexual desire or arousal.
[00:19:40] Speaker A: Here's an easy tip. Make initiation more fun with our motivate me t shirts and coffee mug.
[00:19:49] Speaker B: Listen every week to the sensational sex podcast to learn how to create a sex life that is fulfilling for you.
[00:19:56] Speaker A: Go to sensationalsexpodcast.com to subscribe and while you're there, pick up your motivate me t shirt and coffee mug.
[00:20:05] Speaker B: Make sure to email us to let us know how you are motivating your partner.
[00:20:10] Speaker A: We love to hear the success stories.
[00:20:14] Speaker B: What happens when you're not in the mood for sex and your partner is.
[00:20:17] Speaker A: Giving you the look instead of feeling pounced upon and not into it? You need to have a contingency plan so initiation rituals will help to wake your body up in its arousal. And the best part is, it only takes a minute.
[00:20:35] Speaker B: Hi, I'm Amy Rowan, the suburban sexologist from the sensational Sex podcast.
[00:20:41] Speaker A: And I'm doctor Trina Reed. And a big thank you to xsens for bringing you these sensual arousal tips.
[00:20:49] Speaker B: Has there ever been a time in your relationship when your partner was giving you that look. You know the one. Or maybe they were rubbing your leg or nuzzling your neck and you knew what was on their mind, but it was the last thing on yours.
[00:21:03] Speaker A: Well, Amy, I've been married for 22 years. So what do you think?
[00:21:08] Speaker B: Exactly? We have all been there and sometimes we just need a little motivation to get from eh to. Yeah. And that's where you need to grab the xen's cooling arousal gel from your bedside table to give you a cooling zap of arousal.
[00:21:25] Speaker A: Now, you might be asking if arousal gel actually works, and I'm an academic, so I want to know if it actually works too. So in one study, which included 500 sexually active heterosexual women between the ages.
[00:21:39] Speaker B: Of 18 and 59, 79% of respondents noted that the arousal product met or exceeded expectations.
78% of respondents reported increased sensitivity in their genital area. And of these, over 90% believed that the gel made their intimate experience even better.
[00:22:02] Speaker A: And most agreed that the gel enhanced arousal, orgasmic intensity, pleasure and satisfaction during their sexual activity.
[00:22:12] Speaker B: The best part? It's super easy to use. Apply a small drop to your clitoris, penis, nipples, or anywhere that cooling is desired to discover intense and explosive sensations.
[00:22:27] Speaker A: And here's my pro tip. Cooling arousal gels are super strong, so just use one little drop to start. You can always add more. And the best thing is there are up to 100 applications per bottle.
[00:22:43] Speaker B: This is best to apply yourself because partners can sometimes get carried away in the heat of the moment and they might think it's a lubricant. So keep this on your side of the bedside table.
[00:22:54] Speaker A: So there are three body safe and flavored arousal gels to choose from. There's raspberry mint, hot vanilla espresso and the award winning ginger lychee.
[00:23:06] Speaker B: And best of all, it's body safe, vegan, paraben free, condom friendly, and there are no petroleum based ingredients.
[00:23:15] Speaker A: That's amazing. And it gets even better. So go right this second before something in your busy life gets you distracted. To the xen's website. That's xens dash usa.com. and use the coupon code sensational and you will get 20% off.
[00:23:33] Speaker B: Are you curious to see what a cooling sensation can do for your sensual and sexual satisfaction? Of course you are.
[00:23:41] Speaker A: So make sure to have this discreet bottle of xns arousal gel in your bedside table and find out how it changes your sexual experience.
[00:23:51] Speaker B: We'll get into three ways that you can stop sexual shame. But first, we're going to take a breather and we're going to do our sexual iq, Trina, what is anorgasmia? Is it regular difficulty reaching orgasm? Is it having multiple orgasms or is it squirting during orgasm?
[00:24:12] Speaker A: Well, the answer is a, it's regular difficulty reaching an orgasm. So there is a delayed, infrequent or absent orgasms or significantly less intense orgasms. So after sexual arousal and adequate sexual stimulation, women who have problems with orgasms and who feel significant distress about those problems may be diagnosed with this.
[00:24:38] Speaker B: So an orgasm orchestra is a peak feeling of intense pleasure in response to stimulating sexual activity. And vaginal penetration during sex will indirectly stimulate the clitoris. But this may not be enough stimulation for an orgasm during intercourse. Many women may also need direct manual or oral stimulation of the clitoris to be able to experience an orgasm.
[00:25:05] Speaker A: So women who don't always reach orgasm during sexual encounters may not find it distressing. And in that case, this lack of an orgasm is not considered a disorder. So I think that there's a lot of confusion, especially when the drugs, the sexual desire drugs. Addie, do you remember Addie when it came out?
[00:25:24] Speaker B: Yeah. I still think that they were really.
[00:25:26] Speaker A: Promoting sexual distress and an inability to orgasm. And it really made a lot of women question whether she had a sexual disorder or not. And I, and for me, when I looked at it, the defining factor was, do you find your lack of orgasm distressing?
[00:25:43] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:25:44] Speaker A: And if you don't, then you're okay. And if you do, then you can start looking into options. And the thing is, Addie is one option, and there's a thousand different options. And I think it's about women educating themselves on the, what she can do to help her orgasm along. And, I mean, if you go on the Internet, there's just so much information about helping you with that.
[00:26:10] Speaker B: I think what's also important to highlight is adequate sexual stimulation and enough arousal time. Because I think, again, if we're looking at the messages that we're receiving in porn media, all of that, you know, people think that a woman's and should be able to have an orgasm in five minutes. And generally speaking, that is not the case. And so being able to experience full arousal, lots and lots of stimulation, to be able to get all the blood into that area, if you have experienced all of that and you are then still struggling to experience an orgasm, that would be considered an orgasmia.
And I think it's important to highlight that. The other thing that I like to point out, and, you know, how I like to change vocabulary. So I'm going to say this one, when people talk about an orgasm they say she achieved an orgasm, she reached an orgasm. Right. And that's a goal oriented mindset. So I always like to say experienced an orgasm, because if you're focusing on the orgasm as the goal, then sometimes just that very focus and of itself is what's going to prevent it from happening.
[00:27:17] Speaker A: It psychs you out.
[00:27:18] Speaker B: Yeah, completely.
[00:27:20] Speaker A: To get add to the G spot orgasm thing. If you're able to have a G spot orgasm. Every single woman I've spoken to that has had a G spot orgasm wasn't trying to have a G spot orgasm. She just was so aroused and juiced up and into the moment that it just happened. And you say, well, how can that just happen? That's how a G spot orgasm presents itself.
[00:27:44] Speaker B: I remember the first time I had a G spot orgasm, and I was like, what in the world just happened? Came out of my body. I was like, there's like, I mean, things were just crazy and you know, and the ejaculation and all of those things. It was a wild experience. And there was some shame that was attached to that, too. Of interesting. Is this normal?
[00:28:06] Speaker A: It's so interesting that shame was attached.
[00:28:08] Speaker B: To that in the beginning. It took me some time to recognize that this is normal and this is natural and this is great. And learning how to just grab a whole bunch of towels and prepare for it.
And we'll be right back. So this is the part of the podcast where we're going to put on our sexologist hats, and we're going to give you some concrete and practical tools that are going to help with your sexual situation.
[00:28:35] Speaker A: And we thought the best way to understand how to deal with sexual shame was to use an example.
And what's that example, Amy?
[00:28:45] Speaker B: Vaginal farting queefing.
I know. And they're so long like that, too. Sometimes they just don't stop. Or like, if it does the little sputter one.
Yeah.
[00:28:58] Speaker A: Or the.
[00:28:59] Speaker B: Yes.
Yeah. It's. And what this is is this is when air is being pushed out of the vagina. So let's say if you're doing a doggy style and, you know, your bum is way up in the air, and, you know, if you think about it, you know, they're during intercourse, so they're kind of pounding in and out. And if they're, if the penis is coming completely out and then pushing it back in, it's pushing air into the vagina.
And your vaginal canal will also pull air in. And the vaginal canal is an enclosed space. It has nowhere to go. So when it comes back out. Let's say you change positions from doggy style and now you're laying with your legs in the air. It's going to come out as that vaginal fart.
[00:29:47] Speaker A: I really love your description, Amy. And women are often ashamed of the vaginal fart, even though the sounds are a natural part of sex. And I know it's easy for me to say because I'm a sexologist, but honestly, bodies make noise, and both partners played a role in this vaginal fart. But women feel like it's her fault. Let's pretend our listeners are at the end of their sex and the penis pulls out and there's a big vaginal fart.
How can she not feel ashamed? What can she do?
[00:30:27] Speaker B: So, first idea. When you first acknowledge and bring attention to your sexual shame, you want to notice that internal resistance. And what you've done up to this point is avoid this. A lot of people's first instinct is we're just going to pretend like this didn't happen. You know?
[00:30:44] Speaker A: Didn't happen. It wasn't my vagina that just made that fart. It wasn't me. I didn't do that. It was. You made that. The dog made the fart.
[00:30:53] Speaker B: Yeah, blame the dog. Right. But instead of doing that, you want to take the emotions out and look at it as if you were a detective. Right. Just the facts, ma'am.
And FYI, your self reflection is a significant threat. And shame will try very, very hard to have you go into that fight or flight or hiding mode to protect yourself. Yeah.
[00:31:19] Speaker A: So your awareness holds the power here. So instead of going into fight or flight, just notice how you would have normally acted and the patterns that you have created. And then you need to decide to make a new choice and react differently. So, in essence, you're drawing a line. There was the old you who dealt with the vaginal fart, and now there's the new you who's dealing with the vaginal fart in a new way. And you might be able to say, well, this is funny.
[00:31:48] Speaker B: What I would do in that situation is laugh, because sex can be funny. You know, like if you fall off the bed or you queef or. Or any of the crazy things, you know, if laughing just immediately diffuses that tension. So. And it's impossible to feel shame while you're laughing. Right. It might turn it into a little bit of embarrassment, but embarrassment doesn't feel as deep as shame. And from embarrassment, you can kind of move into amusement. And when you make that new choice, you celebrate. You can give, you can crack up, you can laugh, and then give your confused partner a high five just because you refuse to be embarrassed by your vaginal fart.
[00:32:28] Speaker A: We're making fun of the vaginal fart, and I hope, hopefully we're taking shame out of it, and I hope the next time you, the listener has a vaginal fart, you'll remember this. And I really, I really, really hope that you can laugh at it and make a new choice.
But we should be doing that with all the shames. We should be laughing at all the shames, and I know we can't because they're shames, but I I wish we could do this with every single one. And so the second idea is to understand that your words matter. So please watch what you're saying in your head and out of your lips out loud. And when you catch yourself saying things like, oh, I'm stupid, or, oh, my stupid body, or whatever, whatever you say to yourself, you need to say, stop and substitute something that's affirming, like, vaginal farts are funny because they are funny, and that is affirming, and it's just completely turning your mindset around.
[00:33:28] Speaker B: Yeah. And if, you know, if you've just finished a really wonderful sexual experience and then you end with a big old vaginal fart at the end, rather than being like, oh, man, that just ruined the whole thing, you can say, you know what? If it wasn't for this incredible sexual experience that I just had, then, you know, I would say, rather than that happened to me, I would say, you know, I get to have a vaginal fart because of this incredible experience that I just had. Because if I hadn't had this incredible sexual experience, then I wouldn't have had that. So let's celebrate the fact that I just had this really wonderful experience, and my body is just celebrating that at the end, too.
[00:34:09] Speaker A: I'm gonna, I'm gonna say I get to have a vaginal fart. The next time I have a vaginal fart, I get to have this.
[00:34:15] Speaker B: Yeah. And instead of, I had to have it, or I should, you know, I shouldn't have had that. I get to have it. I get to have it because this just shows that we were just having a whole lot of fun right before.
So here's the third idea. If you want to get over the shame, quickly write it down and talk about it. When you admit to someone, such as a trusted friend, that you're ashamed, it's like taking an eraser to your sexual shame.
[00:34:45] Speaker A: I know it's hard. Like, shame is just so embedded in us. And I get this is really challenging, and I want you to think of sorting through your negative emotions as if you're seeking the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. So once you acknowledge and clear out these negative emotions, your brain now has space to welcome new, fresh, proactive thoughts. The kind of thoughts that are going to build your positive mindset and enable you to want and enjoy sex and laugh at vaginal farts. We're going to stop the fart jokes, aren't we? No, no.
[00:35:21] Speaker B: I mean, you know, I think the best way is just to say it, name it, and laugh at it and let it just move on through because it is a natural part of what our body does. And again, that's to be celebrated.
[00:35:35] Speaker A: So, just to recap what we've talked about in this podcast, first of all, you need to acknowledge and bring attention when you're feeling shame. So your awareness is really key to the start of this process of understanding your shame and doing something about it.
[00:35:55] Speaker B: The words you're using really matter. So write it down and then talk about it with someone that you feel safe with, whether that's your partner, your best friend, your sister, your therapist, whoever it is that you know you can be safe and vulnerable with. Write it down and share it with them. And then dig in and take your time and do this right. Remember that self compassion and forgiveness are your vehicles out of this and into the sex life that you want.
If you have any questions or if you have good ideas, please email us and
[email protected].
[00:36:35] Speaker A: And if you like our motivate me t shirts and coffee mug, we are doing a Black Friday sale.
[00:36:44] Speaker B: So if you want your very own motivate me t shirt and coffee mug, you are in luck. We're doing a limited sale from November 11 to 25th, so just head on over to our website, sensationalsexpodcast.com to find out more. Until next time, stay sexy. On next week's episode of the Sensational Sex podcast, you worth the trouble that it takes to have good sex.
[00:37:07] Speaker A: Understanding what you need from the sexual experience, which may be different from your partner, and then ask for what you want is all based on you feeling worthy.
[00:37:19] Speaker B: Hi, I'm Amy Rowan, the suburban sexologist.
[00:37:22] Speaker A: I'm doctor Trina Reid, and we're so happy to help your sexuality thrive after the honeymoon stage is over.
[00:37:30] Speaker B: In this episode, we go through a letter from a woman that we'll call Jane and the sexual struggles that she's dealing with.
[00:37:37] Speaker A: So how did women get here? It's completely messed up that Jane is compelled to push herself so hard, ask for so little, and expect even less.
[00:37:47] Speaker B: Jane needs to learn how to communicate about her sexual needs, set boundaries, and negotiate.
Why does communicating about sexual needs, setting boundaries, and negotiating seem to be such an impasse for most women? More importantly, what can you do about it?
[00:38:05] Speaker A: Make sure to listen, because this podcast will give you the tools to create a sex life that is fulfilling for you.
[00:38:13] Speaker B: Are you ready to experience more passion and more pleasure? In my suburban intimacy practice, I offer one on one sex and intimacy coaching for women and couples. Book a complimentary discovery.
[email protected] or learn more about my intimacy ignite program. Your solution to experiencing satisfying and fulfilling sexual experiences and connection even when you're busy, tired, and stressed, intimacy ignite is a curated collection of stimulating sex education activities and challenges, whether you are single or in a relationship. Plus, live coaching with me twice a month. Save $10 off your first month with the code podcast. You can learn
[email protected] dot is more.
[00:38:59] Speaker A: Fulfilling sex on your mind, but not in your bedroom? Then go to trinari.com to get your free copy of the Sex Bootcamp Masterclass.
While you're there, check out my award winning fiction book, the sex course that went to number one in its Amazon category three days after launch. Both the sex course and sex bootcamp workbook are available in audiobook. If you want to hang with groovy, like minded, sex positive women, then join my online courses and the success community.
It's your time to create the sex life of your dreams. It all
[email protected].
[00:39:42] Speaker B: Did you love what you learned today? Share this episode with someone who needs it. Friends don't let friends have bad sex. Leave a review for this episode and follow like or subscribe on the listening app of your choice. We love hearing from our listeners. Email
[email protected] you can follow us on all social media platforms at sensationalsxpodcast and join our mailing
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